Welcome to our regular Saturday feature “What Aggravates Me”

I had a rare weekend off at home last week. Unfortunately, my wife was sick with the flu. She spent the weekend lying on the couch and watching the Lifetime channel. I could feel my estrogen level going up and I knew I had to get out of there for a while. I think that’s what happened to Bruce Jenner. Hanging around all of those Kardashian women and the damn thing just fell off on its own.

So, I decided to do some manly things, like get some junk food and beer and watch sports on the game room television. It was when I got home I made the discovery. The screen on my less than two month old IPhone was cracked.

It hadn’t been dropped. I had it in the front pocket of my cargo shorts the whole time. I don’t remember bumping into anything. I thought these screens were now supposed to be almost unbreakable. You would think that in order to shatter the glass, I would have done something memorable. I was just buying the beer, I hadn’t drank any yet.

My old Samsung “flip phone” was exactly that. I could hang up from a phone call that let’s say I didn’t agree with. I could throw that thing across the room. Then later, after I cooled down, I’d put the battery back in and put it back together. It worked every time.

The first smart phone I owned was a mistake. My contract was up and I had a number of free upgrade options available online. I ended up picking a windows phone by mistake. It was a Samsung and started with G. I thought I was getting the Samsung Galaxy but ended up with, I think it was called the Samsung “Godthissucks!”

I only had it for a few days and had to leave town. While I was away I realized how much I hated it and decided to return it when I got home. If I could have only gotten it there in one piece.

My layover was in Houston coming back. The phone fell out of my shirt pocket when I reached to pick up my bag in the restroom. It was no match for the ceramic tile and when I picked it up the screen was blank.

The weird thing was, after I called my wife from a pay phone to tell her what happened, somehow I dialed her from the cellphone. Even though I couldn’t see it, I must have unknowingly hit recent calls.

“So, you’re phone must not be broken.”

“No, it’s still blank but somehow it dialed you.”

“How could you call if the phone is blank?’

“I don’t know, it just did.”

“You couldn’t call if the phone is broken.”

Somehow, the phone was a lot more damaged after that call.

 

This phone is supposed to be more durable than that piece of crap. I couldn’t believe when the guy at the Verizon store told me it would cost $199 to replace, even though I have insurance.

“That’s the deductible on this device.”

“But it wasn’t my fault.”

“Oh, come on sir, what could have happened?”

“Maybe there was some kind of sonic boom, undetectable to human ears, and the glass shattered.”

You know that’s a perfectly legitimate answer and I don’t think he should have looked at me the way he did.

“Sir, there have been other instances.”

Ok, yeah, so a few cable installers refuse to come back to my house. Oh, and the phone people in India don’t like taking my calls. Next thing you know there’s a red flag next to your name just because of the quality service you expect…OK, demand.

“So it’s going to cost me $199?”

“Or, you could go over to the mall. There’s a place that can install a new screen for $109. It only takes about forty-five minutes.”

“And what am I supposed to do at the mall for forty-five minutes?”

“You could go have a coffee at Starbucks.

Yeah, like I’m going to Starbucks without a phone. I think it’s against the law to sit there without staring at a screen. They’d probably call security.

“Sir, where’s your phone?”

“I don’t have one.”

“You’ll have to come with me.”

This isn’t over yet. It shouldn’t be my problem that I was sold a defective phone. I think I’m starting to break them down. Verizon has asked me to quit calling and the Apple store went and got a restraining order. It doesn’t have to be this way. Somebody just has to admit that this might be their fault. How hard is that to do?

Follow John on Twitter @jknight841

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