“What Aggravates Me” Saturday Feature from Comedian, John Knight

            I was caught off guard the other day by a road construction project in my neighborhood. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. There were signs posted saying construction was to begin August 13. It just never happened and then it did. September second they finally got around to doing the job that was supposed to start weeks earlier. I had been lulled into believing maybe it wouldn’t happen and then there I was, stopped in a single lane. That’s how they get you.

The basis for this development is to widen and re-pave the road. Oh, and that’s not the worst part. They need to do this for the new Wal-Mart that is going in. Let me tell you this, there is a Wal-Mart ten minutes in either direction of this one. Nobody has ever said,

“It would be nice if there was a Wal-Mart between the Wal-Marts.”

Yet, we’re getting it anyway.

There are people out there that love Wal-Mart. I am not one of them. I see no need to get my eyes examined, oil changed and hair cut in the same location. I don’t know how they decide who gets to do what. Maybe they rotate those jobs around to keep up employee morale.

Everything you need under one roof. What could be better? You don’t have to go anywhere else for anything. If you don’t know it already, they now sell coffins online. That’s like telling your departed loved ones, we don’t really care at all. Why not just use the money on a new refrigerator and throw them in the empty box?

If you’ve ever been to Wal-Mart, you know they don’t exactly cater to a high end clientele. As I said, I don’t shop there on a regular basis. Anytime I’ve been there it has been out of necessity. But, I have to say I have seen some sights.

I was in Houston a few years back and had forgot to pack a few things. The guy driving me back to the hotel offered to stop at Wal-Mart for me since it was on the way. I grabbed the needed items and went to check out. That’s when I saw the family in their pajamas in line. It was a mother, father and their two daughters, both of whom looked to be of school age around twelve AM on a school night.

They had an overflowing cart, so it wasn’t like it was some kind of emergency. What prompts people, who are apparently ready to go to bed, to decide to do the week’s shopping? I could see the kids being in pajamas. That way they could go right to bed when they get home. At least they could get a few hours of sleep before school in the morning. Education is important. You don’t want to grow up to be the kind of parents that would drag their children off to Wal-Mart at twelve AM on a school night.

It was the parents that bothered me. The kid’s pajamas looked ok but the adults were old and tattered looking. You would think you put on your best sleepwear when heading out to grocery shop. You don’t want people to think you’re some kind of low life after all.

Another time I was in Wal-Mart and a heavy set woman bent over in front of me. Before I could look away I caught a glimpse of what looked like a thong. I didn’t know they made thongs that size. Of course it may have not been a thong, but the remnants of her underwear that hadn’t been swallowed into that black hole of an ass.

Now all of this will be much closer to me. There’s no need for it. It had been rumored to be coming for three years. Traffic patterns and road construction were the hold up. We all hoped it would never happen but I guess money was exchanged with the right people. It will be located in an area where congestion is already a problem and this can only make it much worse. It doesn’t matter who it will inconvenience as long as we have a store you don’t have to worry about getting dressed to go to.

I will have to find new ways to get around. I know it’s going to be quite aggravating. Maybe I should make an appointment with the Wal-Mart psychologist. If he can’t help me at least I can have him rotate my tires


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