Our Saturday Feature

What Aggravates Me by Comedian John Knight

I awoke one morning last week and turned on the television. It was tuned to a channel my wife had been watching. There was a Christmas movie playing which I thought was odd. Maybe it was just something that came up in the rotation. I brought up the guide to see what was on the rest of the day. When I saw it was one Christmas movie after another I began to panic. I turned to my cable music stations and put on Sounds of the Season. It was Christmas music!

Sure that I had suffered a stroke or been in a coma for six months, I glanced outside. Everything was still green and the weather was warm. What could be happening? I looked it up on google and the answer came. It was “Christmas in July.” Apparently some people miss the cold and snow around this time of year which is the equivalent of being nostalgic for a root canal. Whatever you’re into I guess.

As the festive season rolled along I noticed social media was buzzing with the news that Caitlyn Jenner had received the Arthur Ashe award for courage at the ESPY’s. If you’ve been in a coma like me, this is former men’s decathlon gold medal winner Bruce Jenner who is now a woman. I have to imagine the guy that won the silver hasn’t made an appearance at his local watering hole for some time now. The Bronze winner can’t leave the house.

So this is how we define courage these days. You go in for an operation as a man and when it’s over, how can I put this delicately?

“Mr. Johnson has left the building!”

You would think after all those years with the Kardashians it would have shriveled up and fallen off on its own.

The next day my wife and I were checking out at our local supermarket when she pointed to the tabloid.

“Caitlyn Jenner dating Candis Cayne.”

They were both men, that had become women and were now dating….Yeah, I know. I had to type it twice just to make sure. My wife asked me,

“What do you think about that?”

“Seems like a lot of trouble for two guys to date each other.”

After doing the research I see they say it is not true. They are not dating, just supporting each other. You can see how they would be drawn together. They have a lot in common, like trying to decide which rest room.  None of that matters. What bothers me is, it really didn’t faze me. It’s not because it was on the cover of the tabloids. I could have been looking at the front page of the “New York Times” and still had the same nonchalant reaction. There was a time when this would have seemed so absurd, but not anymore.

Not in this world of “Dating Naked”, “Naked and Afraid”, “Honey Boo Boo”, “The Real Housewives of who the hell cares” and God help us, “Donald Trump.” Where was it that we crossed the line, went over the edge, jumped the shark, and totally lost our minds?  If aliens landed here they would go back to their home planet and report they found no signs of intelligent life.

It’s the new reality where the weirder it is, the more normal it seems. Up is down, black is white and hey, maybe Christmas does come in July. So trim the tree and die some eggs. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

 

Follow John on Twitter @jknight841

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