YJ-Vibrator

If you’re new here, we post stories of Pittsburghers that are embarrassing the rest of us.  This is that.

Below are portions of the article about this story on the NBC News.com website along with my commentary.

Aaron Stein, 35, faces a preliminary hearing June 25 in Allegheny County Magisterial District Court on nine felony counts including aggravated assault, robbery, threatening to use a weapon of mass destruction and the unusual charge of possessing a facsimile weapon of mass destruction, according to court documents.

None of these has a penalty more severe than the ASS-beating he’s gonna get for taking his wife/girlfriend’s vibrator. And think of how cranky she’s gonna be if she used that thing for stress relief.

A bomb squad blew up a briefcase and other suspicious items in a Pittsburgh man’s car Monday after he robbed a bank, police said.

With a sex toy. Specifically, a vibrator.

Word has it he hesitated on the bank robbery 3 times before he executed it.  He kept thinking his phone was vibrating every time he started the process and stopped to see who was texting him.

The robber drove off in a white Toyota, which was pulled over on a ramp to northbound Interstate 79 by Robinson Township police, Sumpter said.

Officers found money in a garbage bag, and beneath the front passenger seat, they found the device Stein is accused of having used in the bank robbery — “a makeshift box he made out of a box, black tape, vibrator and cellphone,” Sumpter said.

See… he easily could have been confused on what was vibrating.. he had the cellphone in with the vibrator.  Also, he had the vibrator in a “makeshift box.” (Insert you’re favorite sheepish grin and “That’s what she said” comment here)

A bomb squad dog checked the device and a briefcase that officers found in the car. Both were detonated as a precaution, police said.

They blew up the vibrator?  Oh Aaron….I’m sure you recall what it was like growing up when you took our mother’s good skillet or pan out to the sandbox and your buddy Phil broke it. You might wanna ask for jail time so that you don’t have to face your significant other who’s vibrator is now blown to smithereens and NOT because she was gettin’ all freaky by trying to hook it up to a car battery, Ya Jagoff!

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