A simple post today. Here is a list of 5 things on how NOT to be a Light-up Night Jagoff.
1) Macy’s Windows – do not push your kid through the pack of kids to see the windows. Its kind of like merging on to the Fort Duquesne Bridge, if you just take your time and do the “zipper-thing” of alternating who gets in, we will all get in. Your kid isn’t special! Bonus note: turn your flash off when taking pics of the windows or you’ll just get what looks like Halleys Comet blasting out Hanzel and Grettle.
2) Forget about all of the free stuff, unless they are cookies! You will probably forget the free litter bag that someone gives you and, if you don’t, whatever is in there, you will throw in the garbage anyway. If you realize that early on, you won’t get all “tough-guy” when the person in line to get a squeeze ball allows 5 of their friends to cut in front of you.
3) In keeping with #2, there’s really no need to cut lines to get a free lighted-twirly-thingy that won’t last past midnight or to get a free newspaper. Are those gifts really worth a line cut? OK.. some of the free “eats” you want but, back-off. Go buy an Eat n Park Smiley cookie for a buck!
4) Whatever “restrooms are for customers only” signs you violate for whatever reasons, including, walking in, looking at the menu and then giving the McDonald’s cashier that “I’ll be right back I have to pee first” fake look, flush the damned toilet!!! Seriously, there are more of us who need to go… and some of us even went the 9-yards and purchased a small fries so that we wouldn’t feel guilty about not being a customer. How hard can it be to reach in there, WITH YOUR FOOT, and kick the flushing handle?
5) When watching fireworks, here’s a big tip…. you don’t have to be in the “front row!” HINT: they are in the sky so, no matter where you stand, you just have to look up! So don’t wast your time moving yourself or, even worse your kid, in front of another kid to get to the front. Just stand still and look up!!!!
OK… please share this post and hopefully we all enjoy a great Light-up Night.
The photo above is from Dave DiCello. You can purchase his 2015 calendar here.
And you can pre-order our new Jagoff book, “Above the Fries” by clicking on the cover graphic below.