Given the Fourth of July Holiday, we got a little backed up on posting Jagoff stories (insert your very own My-Grandpap-was-always-saying-he-was-backed-up-and-used-an-enema-2-times-each-month joke here.)
This story is just awesome….ya wonder who reminds people like THIS GUY to breathe 20 times every minute so that he can stay alive!
Here’s the Jagoff Digest version:
- Guy, Jason Comer, ALLEGEDLY pulls into a Sheetz store and asks to use the phone to call for help since he is out of gas!
(Surely, you can see where this is headed.)
- While in the store, Gomer-Comer ALLEGEDLY decides to grab a change dispenser that is attached to the cash register.
(Here comes the big reveal!)
- He takes off.. (that is NOT alleged because the tow truck driver he called to help him can verify that they hooked up.. SO TO SPEAK)
- Police show up, get the story. Once they are told about the phone call BOOM.. no Quincy, Castle, NCIS or Cyril Wecht needed. The police officer hits the redial button on the phone and…. (you can read the KDKA/Altoona Mirror story HERE.)
(Insert parody Shaggy song lyrics here “You stole the money from the counter. Wasn’t me!)
Hey Gomer-Comer, luckily you didn’t steal any Trail Mix because my guess is that you’re a sloppy eater and would have dropped a ton of it all the way to your hiding spot. Could have been fun to write, “Police were hot on Gomer-Comer’s TRAIL Mix!” Get it???? (some of these are just for me!)
We’re certainly thanking God that you passed up that bio-nuclear-quantum-nan0-physics job at NASA. That would have wasting brain power like yours on silly, silly things. But here you are, using that brain to do GREAT THINGS for the world like… provide us some blog fodder!
A couple of tips for the NEXT burglary….
Plan! No impromptu missions. Those who fail to plan, plan to FAIL. At least make some drawings on a napkin or something!
Have that plan include a getaway car that HAS gas
Get a cell phone so that you don’t have to borrow the BURGAREE’s phone… but be sure to use code-names like “Red Leader” during the conversations in front of the people you are burglarizing.. at least that’s what happens in the movies!
Get a West Penn Triple-A card at least a month BEFORE the burglary
And for crissakes, think twice about stealing a change dispenser, they’re awkward and make lots of CHA-CHINGing noises. Unless you plan on camouflaging yourself as The Rivers Casino, you’re as obvious as an asthmatic playin Hide-n-Seek on a humid, high-pollen summer day, Ya Jagoff!
Check out our new contest!!
There’s a new restaurant coming and YOU get to design the “Ya Jagoff Sandwich” for their menu.
Click the logo for more info.
Contest ends Saturday, July 13th, 2013