Before this week officially turns into “Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Pittsburgh Parking PAGOFFS Week” we decided to stack two of these together.  Yep, another JAGOFF STACK.

But before we start, we must express that we cannot beeeeeeeeelieeeeeeeve how ignorant Pittsburghers are toward parking.  Bad parking is one thing but, the two below…. just pure IGNORANCE.  And these things just keep coming into us!!!!!!!!!!!

And by the way, to all of the recent Twitter followers and to everyone that sends us pics.

This pic comes to us from Ross Park Mall, outside of Nordstrom’s.

As it turns out, we were too presumptive on this one.  Our website research staff, found out that this particular Range Rover model has an EXCLUSIVE scratch and dent protection system.  It’s an invisible hyperbaric chamber that keeps the vehicle in  constant state of homeostasis AND, to keep anything from hitting it, the chamber shield protrudes from each side of the car by 4 invisible feet!!!!!!  Therefore, in reality, this person has done a PERFECT parking job….you just can’t tell that the invisible shield is aligned PERFECTLY with the lines on all ground!

Then there’s this car!

It came with the following tweet:

Jagoff of the day is brought to you by Bellevue. If you can see the meter in your window you’re doing it wrong.

We actually laughed out loud, fa-reeeeel, when we read this.  Because she’s right! If you can turn your head to the sidewalk and see the parking meter staring you down, you’re in the wrong spot!!!  And then when you actually get out and realize that, according to the white lines, the parking spot in front of you and the one behind you are only 4 feet long………well, something SHOULD be smacking you in the head with CONTEXT CLUES.  It would be REALLY hysterical if a passenger tried to get out, banged the @#$@ out of the door on the meter pole but, STILL, nobody realized something was wrong.

As it turns out, our hyper-opinionated aggressiveness got us in trouble on this one too.  We were wrong to assume that this person parked incorrectly.  As it turns out, Bellevue Borough installed new parking meters, invented by CMU computer grads.  The meter you see is one of them and is NOT always in that spot.

The new CMU-Consierge-Conveno-Collection-Meter apparently waits for you to park.  Then rolls up to the side of your passenger window, WHERE EVER you have parked and says, “Hi, welcome to Bellevue.  Please deposit 25-cents for every 30-minutes of requested marking.  And by the way, we have no bars in this dry town so we hope that you drank before you drove here!” 

Let’s make this REAL SIMPLE… learn how to park, Ya Jagoffs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

All this parking us is making us crazy so we need a Juggalo Homie Fix!!!!  If you need one too OR don’t know what that is, click “BigMo’s” pic below.

 

Thanks to Twitter Follower @allisonb and @syntaxxerrorrr for being awesome Honorary Jagoff Catchers today.

@Allisonb has a blog, Allison Says

@syntaxxerrorrr has a blog, Moda Vivendi

2 COMMENTS

  1. This is great, South side is notorious for this. Literally, on Tuesday of this week, trying to treat my family to some sandwiches from ‘The Real McCoy’, on E, Carson St., because of people taking up 2 spaces, not one but TWO of the folks(jagoofs) parked on that block, were AT LEAST 3 ft. from the curb, I had to circle the block several times. By the time I gave up, and stopped in on my way home from picking up my son from his job in Oakland, I went in and the lady at the grill said …….”Sorry sweety, I only got a half a hoagie bun left. I’ll make you half a one if you want”……….. On the way out, a guy climbing into a little subaru or something, parked crooked, about 2 or 3 feet from the curb, says “We seen ya goin arahnd da block, why dint cha jist park on na corner? I do it all da time!” Now that’s a jagoof, I gotta start learning how to use my camera that is in the phone my wife bought me. It does everything but launch drone missiles it seems, & all I do is use it to make phone calls. Thanks for the pics., made my morning! Jim in Carrick

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