Before this week officially turns into “Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Pittsburgh Parking PAGOFFS Week” we decided to stack two of these together. Yep, another JAGOFF STACK.
But before we start, we must express that we cannot beeeeeeeeelieeeeeeeve how ignorant Pittsburghers are toward parking. Bad parking is one thing but, the two below…. just pure IGNORANCE. And these things just keep coming into us!!!!!!!!!!!
And by the way, to all of the recent Twitter followers and to everyone that sends us pics.
This pic comes to us from Ross Park Mall, outside of Nordstrom’s.
As it turns out, we were too presumptive on this one. Our website research staff, found out that this particular Range Rover model has an EXCLUSIVE scratch and dent protection system. It’s an invisible hyperbaric chamber that keeps the vehicle in constant state of homeostasis AND, to keep anything from hitting it, the chamber shield protrudes from each side of the car by 4 invisible feet!!!!!! Therefore, in reality, this person has done a PERFECT parking job….you just can’t tell that the invisible shield is aligned PERFECTLY with the lines on all ground!
Then there’s this car!
It came with the following tweet:
Jagoff of the day is brought to you by Bellevue. If you can see the meter in your window you’re doing it wrong.
We actually laughed out loud, fa-reeeeel, when we read this. Because she’s right! If you can turn your head to the sidewalk and see the parking meter staring you down, you’re in the wrong spot!!! And then when you actually get out and realize that, according to the white lines, the parking spot in front of you and the one behind you are only 4 feet long………well, something SHOULD be smacking you in the head with CONTEXT CLUES. It would be REALLY hysterical if a passenger tried to get out, banged the @#$@ out of the door on the meter pole but, STILL, nobody realized something was wrong.
As it turns out, our hyper-opinionated aggressiveness got us in trouble on this one too. We were wrong to assume that this person parked incorrectly. As it turns out, Bellevue Borough installed new parking meters, invented by CMU computer grads. The meter you see is one of them and is NOT always in that spot.
The new CMU-Consierge-Conveno-Collection-Meter apparently waits for you to park. Then rolls up to the side of your passenger window, WHERE EVER you have parked and says, “Hi, welcome to Bellevue. Please deposit 25-cents for every 30-minutes of requested marking. And by the way, we have no bars in this dry town so we hope that you drank before you drove here!”
Let’s make this REAL SIMPLE… learn how to park, Ya Jagoffs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All this parking us is making us crazy so we need a Juggalo Homie Fix!!!! If you need one too OR don’t know what that is, click “BigMo’s” pic below.
@Allisonb has a blog, Allison Says
@syntaxxerrorrr has a blog, Moda Vivendi