Just about every news outlet, including every local church bulletin, posted this as breaking news last night.  Tran Quach, 30-year old mother was inside gambling at the Rivers Casino while her 8-year old daughter was roaming around outside, in the cold with no coat and flipflops, in the Valet Parking area.  (Click your fav TV station for the link to the story WPXI, WTAE, KDKA)

All the stories basically say Tran Quach, told her daughter that they were going back to the Casino that day to retrieve her car since she had left it there the night before, because she was too drunk to drive home.  (Uh-oh, NOW we know why mummy wasn’t at the PTA meeting that night.)  No telling whether mom was winning or losing but she had $500 worth of chips on her when security approached her and she WASN’T in the cash-out line!

We actually sent one of our Jagoff investigative reporters to the house and we obtained an exclusive interview with Gamblin’ Momma (Litterally).  Turns out she does not have a gambling problem at all, she just has a problem interpreting the extremely confusing English language.  She had been at the Casino the night before and learned about “chips.”

The next day, when her 8-year old daughter was trying to scrounge up something for dinner, she found an old jar of salsa in the back of the refrigerator, behind 3 cases of mommy’s $4.99/case beer.  The daugther THEN realized they had nothing to eat with the salsa so she said, “Mommy, we need some CHIPS!”  So they hopped the bus to the casino!!!!

It’s too bad this poor interpretation of the language will hurt mommy’s chances to be a finalist as “Mom Of The Year” as voted by Gambler’s Housekeeping Magazine.

WTAE even notes mom has been banned from The Meadows Casino already!!

Here’s what’s needs to happen NEXT.  Daughter gets a play day.  Some day, in the dead of the upcoming winter, she gets to go out to Robinson Town Centre and play in the IKEA Ball Room for an hour.  She also gets ice-cream and cake and someone to tell her that they love her (and mean it).  The whole time she’s inside, mom has to stay outside in bare feet and no coat, walking through icey slush retreiving shopping carts.  Additionally, just inside the IKEA window, a River’s Casino card dealer is gonna just sit there and deal hand-after-hand of blackjack until mom drools on the outside of the window so much that she becomes dehydrated or her tounge freezes to the glass.

Hey Quach-the-Gambler, you gotta know when to hold-em and when to fold.  It’s time to FOLD on parenthood and send your kids to a family that WANTS the treasures and joys of parenthood.  Then YOU can drive your life straight to the gutter all by yourself, YA JAGOFF!

 

 

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