Pittsburghese

Don’t be a Jagoff to My Stroller

LizGP_Head

That’s Liz Golden-Phillips, a Pittsburgh Stay-at-home mom, up there.  

While I continue running back and forth between  Joe’s Rusty NailJack’s Bar and the Stroll Inn celebrating the

Pittsburgh Magazine, Best of 2014 recognition for ” Best Snarky Nod Toward Local Behavior ,

I have asked some guest bloggers like Liz to take over. 

YJ-LizGPStrollter

One of the best tools a parent can arm themselves with is the stroller.

I love how the latest strollers are less fluffy and more utilitarian. I have the honor of owning a Navigator- Double Jogging Stroller (reason listed below).  This bad boy takes it to a whole new level. You probably could care less so I will not go into much detail. I can say it holds both my tots who are equivalent to 50 loaves of Mancini’s bread.  It’s also a Jagoff magnet.

On many a Saturday mornings you can find me down the Strip District w/ my Irish Twins (Sophie 2YO & Layla 11Mos).  Sample some great foods, do some shopping and soak in the local sights. You should see the looks I get trying to make my way down the sidewalk with the double stroller. Like someone forgot the coleslaw on their Primanti’s sandwich. Death looks from sidewalk hoggers. Most of which are being jagoffs on their phones!!! I am courteous and my kids are pretty darn cute. Don’t care. I am in the way. I am in the way of everyone. Even strollers w/ one baby shun me. So I take to the street only to be honked back on the sidewalk by a PAT bus. My only fan. Sister Mary Whateverhernameis selling baked goods at a little table outside of Roland’s. I think she could see my Catholic school day scars. She was very sweet and so were her treats!

This isn’t the first time my glorious stroller was hated on. Arts Festival goers were annoyed too. Oh well. I always have Frick Park. I am welcomed with open stroller. Joggers share the lanes w/ smiles and the occasional “hello.”  Dogs prance past us w/ ease as we stroll free of smirks and dirty looks. After the park I can swing by D’s Six Pax for a hot dog and beer. Oh wait, my jagoff stroller doesn’t fit through the door!?!

Be nice people!!! And don’t be a sidewalk hogger, Ya Jagoff!!!

Be sure to follow Liz on Twitter @LizPgh

Windows? WINDOWS! Wiiiiiiindows!!

YJ-Windows

So I was REAL close to writing a posting about those dumb commercials where everyone keeps saying “windows.”  In the meantime, there I was writing some stuff at the local “coffee-shop-where-I-drink-hot-chocolate-cuz-I-don’t-like-coffee-but-want-to-look-like-a-big-boy” shop.  As usual, I pushed my time to the max because, as one friend used to say, “laptops and PowerPoint have brought procrastination to a whole new level.”

OK, time to run and drive like a Jagoff to get to the next meeting.  Time to shut down the laptop.  Then I see the screen above.

“Please do not power off or unplug your machine.  Installing update 1 of 24.”

THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED RIGHT NOW!!!!  And then it takes 17 minutes to complete.

OK, Bill Gates Kool-Aid drinkers,  the next time I need an update to my “Macro-.dll-DMAK-GDI-Net BEUI-.mxp-WFW 3.11-WEW-.PSD-.xml-WYSISYG-VXB-.vga-URL-.SDK-LMNOP-EIEIO-WTF syntax” files, how about a little warning and a choice to say “Not right now I have a million @#$@# things to do” YA JAGOFF!!!

The Gas Pump Clicking-thingy

As Pittsburghers, we expect a few basic things out of life:

1) Hot water in the shower every morning

2) Morning traffic reports “on the fours” and “weather on the 10′s”

3) Mr. McFeely will ALWAYS look the same

4) A minimum number of Mon-wharf flood warnings per year

One thing I would add to this list of things that we would LIKE TO TAKE FOR GRANTED… the clicking-thingy on the gas pump nozzle that lets ya  fill our tank WITH NO HANDS!

Seriously!!  It’s like waking up one morning and realizing that you suddenly don’t have a thumb and now you have nothing to sneak up  into the inside of your nostril to scrape out those dry night time “crusties.”

So I go to the local Sunoco.  I need a fill up. In the meantime, I need to make calls into the sports talk shows AND check twitter. But wait!  I have to mess around holding the stupid gas nozzle trigger… can’t dial, can’t sit in the car and talk.. gotta stand there and squeeze that thing for the entire 15.6 gallons (FYI the tank holds 16 gallons and YES..I do this so often that my gas tank light bulb is probably going to burn out some day.)

What kind of gas station is this?

Hey Sunoco, your gas station is SO high tech that the pump asks more questions than an CPA exam.  It has a car wash, a code reader to get a discount, a card-swiper to pay without going inside, a way to order a sandwich, blah, blah, blah…but no 20-cent piece of metal to hold the gas trigger? Forget about selling the next kind of scratch-off lottery ticket or 19 kinds of iced tea and Gatorade, get some clicking-thingies, Ya Jagoffs!

 

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So forward to all of your Pittsburgh friends and relatives!