It’s Starbucks, Not Heinz Field!!!

So Starbucks is a great place to hang out, relax, meet some business people and work on writing posts for this blog.  EXCEPT IF THIS GIRL IS IN THERE!!!!!

There I am, sitting quietly drinking my Starbucks hot chocolate (I don’t like coffee and their hot chocolate is served in the same adult-type cup as the coffee so I can STILL look like a big boy!)

Anyway, the two girls in the photo above come in and sit down. It’s some kind of “get-aquainted-you-tell-me-about-you-and-I’ll-tell-you-about-me” conversation.  I know this NOT from eavesdropping – the girl in the red hair talked sooooooooooooooo loud that I could hear her talking even when the cappuccino machine was running.

On top of that, she talked so fast and sooooooooo much that my head thought it was on the Scrambler ride at Kennywood Park.  The other girl was so politely quiet as one SHOULD BE in a public place, that, at first, I thought the red-head was one of those people that over-modulates on their cell phone as they are walking through town or sitting on the bus.

Not sure if the recording helps you feel my pain but, consider this, the recording was made in my iPhone from about 20 feet away.

Hey Missy Megaphone, meeting at a Starbucks is certainly no library meeting, but the next time you have one of your “You-sit-still-and-I’ll-tell-you-about-me” meetings in a public place, how about taking a heavy dose of “Shut-the-hell-up!” pills.

Or, feel free to have your next life-crisis conversations at Heinz Field while the Baltimore Ravens are trying execute a no-huddle offense in the final two-minutes of the game.  We’re pretty sure THAT CROWD will be louder than you (at least we THINK so) and nobody else within 3 feet will have to give a @#$@ about what you’re saying, Ya Jagoff!!


Cheerleading Tryouts Leads To Coffee Throwing


How about this…

A woman is facing charges after she got into a heated fight with a parent during cheerleading tryouts at a Beaver County high school, and then poured coffee on the person who tried to break up the dispute.

See full story on KDKA.com here

The short version:

Girl doesn’t make cheerleading squad

22 year old woman, Kailyn Boring, gets in confrontation with another woman about who made the squad, who didn’t, blah, blah, blah, blah and other VERY critical life-altering things that go along with cheerleading.

Cheerleading squad adviser intervenes to stop the nastiness, gets coffee dumped on her (ALLEGEDLY) by Kailyn Boring

Welllllll, nice work showing the kids on how to handle themselves in life AND in cheerleading, Kailyn.  These kinds of incidents solve EVERYTHING in the world after high school… especially the dumping-coffee-on-someone skill.  In the work place it is actually very underrated.

Kailyn,  not sure where this ALLEGED incident is going to lead but thanks for demonstrating to the kids how to take disappointment with dignity!  Our thoughts, get a cheesy lawyer and say that the other lady said, “Let’s talk about this over coffee.  The coffee is on me,” and then you can testify that you THOUGHT she said, “Let’s talk about this over coffee.  DUMP THAT COFFEE on me!” Better yet, give the excuse that the warning on the coffee cup only says, “CAUTION: Hot Beverage” but does NOT clearly state to not throw it on someone.

Wait.. don’t do that.  That will just continue to embarrass the rest of us Pittsburghers even further.

All that I know is, after reading this story, once again, I called my parents (because they don’t know how to text) and thanked them for beating my ever-loving ARSE occasionally with a paddle.  And by the way, Kailyn, it would appear is if any future as a barista at Starbucks seems a bit in jeopardy, Ya Jagoff!


NOTE: No matter WHAT happens at any upcoming hearings, you’re in need of some SERIOUS “Jagoff Rehab.”

Please refer yourself to BOTH of these Pittsburgh websites: Secret Agent L and Dignity And Respect 

Two Old Obnoxious Guys In A Bar


Tuesday night I was eating a late dinner by myself at an out of town Outback. Since I was by myself, I chose to eat at the bar. Much to my dismay, there were two older guys, pictured above, sitting at the bar trying to be “those two funny older guys at a bar”

You know the type…. they have loud conversations between themselves, making jokes, so that everyone will look over at them and acknowledge their WHACKYNESS witha a laugh or a “those guys are crazy” kind of comment.

What they don’t realize, is that they are obnoxious and everyone in the bar would probably offer to buy them drinks so that they both pass out and shut up!

In my lonely boredom, I chose to tweet the comments that these guys were making, especially to the female bartender, who by the way, was just as sick of them as the rest of us around the bar. As I tweeted more and more with the hashtag #TwoObnoxiousOldGuysAtBar, more people started to jump in on the twitter feed. I was no longer bored and even had to order another unwanted beer just so I could sit at the bar and tweet the Jagoffery of Willy Lowman and his wannabee buddy.

Not all tweets are below but I’ve tried to recapture the fun.  I have to tell ya, the twitter-er-ers that got involved made my night!

Here’s the summary:



The Tweeting was on!




To which this response came.




NOTE: If I would have done that, I would have been unconscious on the floor within 20 minutes.



At this point, ____sends me the tweet below with the Saturday Night Live Czeck Brothers



I felt like I had enough of food, beer and THESE GUYS but I got this tweet,








This thing went on for 45 minutes! The bartender said those two guys had been there for 4 hours! The next day, this is the tweet that I got from the bartender..

Funny thing.. some Twitter-er-ers like @poycer and @spode411 got in on the conversation late and starting retweeting the conversation all over again after I was long gone.

Hey.. Willy Lowman and Sidekick, please go get a radio show on some AM radio station or get your Whacky Morning Show Wannabee jokes out on a podcast or something because, an entire bar was dying to tell the two of you to SHUT THE HELL UP, Ya Jagoffs!!!  (But thanks for the entertainment!)