Pittsburgh Drivers

Pick A Lane Jagoff!!!

This was the tweet with the above photo:

This was on Rt 65-N this morning in rush-hour traffic. Was in the right lane for a while then decided to switch lanes (neither lane was moving as there was a red light). Sat straddling the lanes for 5 mins until the light turned green and  left no room for anyone to pass him.

Who hasn’t seen this?  The driver, in a big hurry, just has to switch lanes RIGHT NOW and block everyone else from moving forward up either lane.  Sometimes you even see this on the Fort Pitt Bridge heading outbound or just before the Squirrel Hill tunnel entrance outbound.

This is exactly why this blog was created… to call out the people, like this driver, that are full of self-importance, without regard to other Pittsburghers.

Hey Range-Rover-Grover, yep, we see your fancy car.  And we’re pretty sure that you have to get ahead of everyone because you have something pressing at a very swanky office where everyone knows you’re the boss and you’re important.  BUT.. in traffic, we all put our driving gloves (and our pants) on the same way. There’s no class war between right and left lanes of traffic.

Did anyone ever teach you the art of driving in traffic, activating your turn signal, looking for a spot in your side view mirror and gradually sliding over into the next lane? Ahhh who needs skill and courtesy when you’re driving anyway?

We’re taking a WILD GUESS and presuming that you’re the same person that walks through the mall, yakking on the cell phone, and suddenly stops DEAD in front of a line of people because you’re making a point in your conversation..you know.. when it looks like a bad Bunny-Hop Line Dance accident!

The rest of us would like to get to where we’re going too so, unless you’re part of the Steelers Offensive Line and you’re PAID to block up all of the lanes, pick a lane Ya Jagoff!

 

Thanks to Twitter Follower @syntaxxerrorrr for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today.

The Fort Pitt Bathtub Jagoffery

 

I was Jaggy-on-the-Spot for this one.

If you’ve been there, you know what we mean.  Traffic is lined up from the Fort Pitt Bridge approach all the way to the Oakland exit… what seems like 901 miles. EXCEPT for the right lane that heads to the North Side.  You can get in that lane and head to the west suburbs passing all of the UNFORTUNATOS headed up to the bridge.  UNTIL………………………………………………………………..someone goes down the right hand lane, all the way to the merge point and then puts their left turn signal on to nudge in…..BLOCKING THE ENTIRE RIGHT LANE FROM GETTING HOME!!!

WOW! The things ya see when you’re not driving your bulldozer!!!

If there was ever a need for one of those creepy, unshaven, talk-to-themselves, cigarette-filter-smoking dangerous-intersection flower salesman, it’s right here!!!  We could deputize him and have them write tickets every Monday thru Friday from 4pm-6pm and, there would be enough money to pay off the North Shore Connector in 2 years!

Hey “Red Solo Truck” driver (we think we used that one before but its  good one), first, nobody is supposed to drive a truck and have it THAT clean.  But wait, look at those sissy tires!  Who drives a truck with tires like that?  Did you borrow those from your wife’s 1978 VW Beetle???

I don’t care if you have a fructose-lactose-grease intolerance and you’re trying to rush home to a bathroom after eating your way thru the Peace, Love and Little Donuts, Klavon’s and Primanti’s in the Strip District, MOVE YOUR TRUCK!!  There’s more than one way to get home so take the open lane and get that zero-testosterone truck, out of my way Ya Jagoff!!!

Pittsburgh Traffic Woes and Backhoes!

Can anything be more of a patience test than sitting in Oakland traffic at rush hour?  You come off the Parkway ramp at 55 MPH (I wrote 55 just in case there are any State Troopers reading this) and you know that feeling of free-moving freedom is going to end right there on Forbes Avenue!

But this?  A backhoe, LITERALLY in the middle of traffic at 8:30am!!  Can he get that thing in gear easily? NO!  Can anyone try and negotiate around him?  NOPE!  Once I passed him, I noticed he had a “My OTHER Car Is A Triple-Trailer Semi” bumper sticker along with the obligatory Pittsburghers’ Outter Banks sticker.

Seriously, is there a ditch that needs to be dug by 10am somewhere?  Can you NOT find a time AFTER rush hour to drive on some of the most crowded rush hour streets?

This is “Traffic SPAM!!!!  At least the Russell Crowe movie people warn us about the “Traffic SPAM” they are gonna cause.

Hey, Mr. Backhoe Traffic SPAMMER, whaddaya say you start the morning slowly: go get yourself a doughnut and a coffee, talk about the Pens or Pirates or the new Steelers schedule with your dump truck buddy, pass around the newspaper in the Dunkin’ Donuts bathroom with the handheld sign-turner guy,  make your calls to the 811 DIG line and then have at it on the roads at about 9:30 AND, if there’s some kind of RUSH HOUR DITCH EMERGENCY, send in a “BACKHOE STRIKE TEAM” ahead of you – apprentices on motorcycles with fold-up Outter Banks beach shovels that can get the ditch started, YA JAGOFF!