Parking Jagoffs

May 24 2013

Another Plethora of “Peter Parkers” From All Over

ANOTHER Peck of “Peter Parkers” …just in time to lead us into the Holiday Weekend!  As has been said before,  the inbox, Twitter feed, Facebook and Instagram feeds have been busy.  By the way, if you don’t understand the  ”Peter Parker” reference, click here “Peter Parkers.”

It’s clear that people all over the place have no idea how to park and, in some cases, completely lack courtesy.

Now pay attention as you go through this because, at the end, we have a new Jagoff Catching Challenge.

First up, Dormont.  We can just picture this person, doing their best to back into this spot, but, being sooooooooooooooooo bad at backing up, that they zig-zag from left to right 29 times within 7 feet!  And, somehow, they end up straight but have no idea where they are on earth in relation to other cars.

 

And what has to be said about the next Jagoff, from Cherry City area, parked in front of a NO PARKING sign and ON TOP of a No Parking sign!!!  Really????  I can see their excuse, “ I didn’t see the sign on the ground!” Well, that’s probably right because you’re directly on top of if Ya Jagoff!

And then look at this.

The pizza delivery guy is training to be a State Trooper in that, he parks HIS car like one… behind the other car, just in case he has to peel out when they make a run for it while he’s giving them a “You Parked Great citation!

And now this…..blocking 2 cross walks and one fire hydrant!

It’s basically the trifecta of Jagoffery!  Well, at least I thought so.  But then I did some investigating and found out this car model has dog instincts.  You can actually shove rawhide bones under the hood every once in a while but you live in hell for the next 24 hours while the car spurts out horrible flatulence!

But this one is THEEEEEEE bestest!  And the reasons are, it comes all the way from Hawaii AND the Jagoff Catchers “Photobombed” their Peter Parker pic!  How awesome that???  It’s their brush with greatness.

 

Sooooo with all of this going on, what are we to do?  Clearly blogging about this gets nowhere!

Well wait no longer!!  Here’s a sample photo that a Facebook follower, Tom Link posted on the wall.  It’s a great photo because of the personalized notations.

And then THAT gave me an idea… get everyone to start carrying chalk!  And then, notate the parking space as is simulated by our Jagoff-estrator in the pic below and BOOM!.. there ya have it, smartphone pic for a life time!!!

So which one of you will cast the first CHALK STICK????  And remember, don’t touch anyone else’s car…. but feel free to draw around it…(no mouth- soap-washing words please.)So the challenge is on.  Who will be the first to show a sample of parking lot version of our Jagoffestrator?

In the meantime, if you’re a driver that has no clue as to how to park, start taking the bus and get the hell out of OUR way, Ya Jagoffs!!

 

Special thanks to @Spode411 and @nskalos58, (Twitter), Tony Link, Scott B., Colleen F. and her Brother Dan F. (Facebook) and  @ndromb, @808norit from Instagram, for being Honorary Jagoff Catchers for today’s blog post!!!

 

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Apr 26 2013

Another PLETHORA of “Peter Parkers”

Peter Piper Picked ANOTHER Peck of “Peter Parkers” for today.   As has been said before,  the inbox, Twitter feed, Facebook and feeds have been full of  ’em!  And for the explanation of why we call them what we call them, click here “Peter Parkers.”

This parking situation is basically getting no better…. none.. zero..zip.  Do we think people are parking like this on purpose and then taking a picture of their own car and sending them in??  Well, we MIGHT believe that if the cars in the photos had FOR SALE signs on them.

Like the top photo… here’s the Facebook message that came with the photo,

Saw me taking the pic as she walked away and just didn’t give a s%)t.

Then we have this one….

What?  Do you really… really…really… nick-nack-patty-wack, Ocka bocka soda crocker, ocka bocka boo … think that this person DIDN’T do this on purpose??  Wait.. maybe someone painted the lines AFTER this driver parked!!!

And then this West Virginia-plated car was found by the Clemente  Bridge… where they leaving room on each side just in case they had a hankerin’ to burn a couple of COUCHES???

And then look at this…

Hmmmmmm… guessing it is possible to be handicapped and ride a motorcycle but…. is that really practicle ?  Sure, maybe a bad leg, bad heart… but.. with a bad lag or bad heart… bad enough to have an H card, should you be wearing a motorcycle between your legs, trying to hold it up at red lights??

But this next one is a FAV.. because, a few weeks ago, we posted a similar photo from the old Civic Arena lot with people being jammed in and unable to get out in the event of some type of leave-work-early situation.. (Like March Madness tickets).  This photo below is a REPEAT of the same stuff!!  Did these people learn NOTHING from the previous weeks.  This situation is going to get volatile soon… be prepared!

 

And then we go to the next photo that came with a tweet,

Office. Park the Caddy wherever you like, lady.

Seems that we are all lucky that those concrete bumper-thingies was there to catch it as the older lady, who probably shouldn’t even be driving, or should be at least driving a Chevy Volt… and NOT driving something the size of an aircraft carrier!!!

At this point, it’s hard to offer any more solutions get this this issue fixed!  We’ve been posting thes for over 2 years.  We’re outta solutions!  Except for this one:

Tow all of these vehicles to Philadelphia.  Put them in a downtown Philly lots and, as the tow truck driver leaves the car behind, they place a sticker on the car that says, “I hate everything about Philthadelpha!   But here’s my cell number anyways, maybe we can chit chat  xxx-xxx-xxxx!”  And then put the drivers on a Megabus on a trip to Philly to reunite with their car…. but only give them half of the cash that it will take to get their car out of the Philly bound and make them work for the rest!!!

Now THAT is something my 8th grade Catholic School home room nun, Sister Anecita, would be proud of.  Someone learn how to park, Ya Jagoffs!!

 

Special thanks to @Pantster and @Colin_Dunlap (Twitter), Tony Goff, Stanley Pawlaski, Bush, N. Simington and Robert Gerlach (Facebook) for being Honorary Jagoff Catchers for today’s blog post!!!

 

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Mar 22 2013

Another Plethora of #PeterParker Jagoff Parkers

Peter Piper Picked a Peck of “Peter Parkers” for today.  And you don’t have to sit them on your window sill with your TA-mate-AHS to ripen through the night!!   They are ripe and ready.  The inbox, Twitter feed, Facebook and feeds have been full of  ’em!  So let’s get at it cuz, as my dad would say, “Christmas is coming!”

The compact car occupying two Compact Car Spaces comes all the way from Hawaii!!  Clearly this driver has special awareness challenges.  We heard this person sometimes is caught standing half in and half outside the shower at home.  And all of this talk about COMPACTS, reminds us of a cool COMPACT joke..

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.” The second blonde says, “Here, let me see!” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”

Then we have this one….

Our SJU, Special Jagoff Unit, was on this and found out that this was an airplane pilot’s car.  He’s used to running the nose up the center line.  We also found out that he was assisted with parking his car here by a guy in an orange vest, headphones and two real-long orange flashlights.  Supposedly one of those cool little baggage-hauling vehicles came out too to help load the groceries.

But WAIT….we got us a curb-hugger in Squirrel Hill.  At first we thought it was sad that someone didn’t even feel a huge bump as they parked.

But then our JSGU investigated this one too!  It turns out that this car is a stick shift with a bad battery and alternator.  So it needs to get a run down a slope and popped into gear to get started.   Rolling off a curb is a good start.  Therefore, after parking and turning the ignition off, the owner apparently gets out of his car, walks around the back and picks the back of the car up, with one hand, and PURPOSELY places the car on to the curb.  (For Realz! )

And then look at this…

We didn’t even have to write anything for this one.  See the email that came with it:

This woman always parks in some dumb way in our complex. Judging by the fact that the entire passenger side of the truck is damaged, I think it is safe to assume she doesn’t know how to drive a truck. If you cannot drive a truck, do not buy a truck! That’s what I always say. Apparently she cannot be bothered to line up with the truck next to her, so people are forced to walk in the mud or brush against her dirty truck.

Oh, and here’s the other thing… the spot on the other side is the Handicap parking spot. Good luck getting through here, disabled senior citizens.

Special thanks to @LRamandanes, @pat11d, and @HarryCovair, (Twitter), Doug Graham,  (Facebook) and LLK (email), for being Honorary Jagoff Catchers for today’s blog post!!!

 

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