North Shore Connector

The North Shore Connector Fail….AGAIN!

Well, sooooo many people (including us) have picked on the underground, 4-stop Pittsburgh subway track that’s called the North Shore Connector.  From the time the project was announced, thru to the day it left a bunch of runners stranded to.. well…we could go on and on… it’s been a topic of many jokes!

Sad to say.. here we go again.  KDKA’s John Shumway ran a story about the North Shore Connector breaking down underneath the river yesterday.  Some people had to walk, from the malfunctioning car,  to the North Side from underneath the river (which we admit might have been kind of cool).  Some excerpts from the the KD piece are:

“We were stuck down there for 45 minutes and the alarms were going off,”

The Port Authority’s Jim Ritchie says the train was stuck because of a mechanical failure, and to add insult to the situation, a false chemical alarm went off at the same time in the Gateway Station.

And the BESTEST one:

“For some reason, the communication to customer service was an hour behind; so they didn’t know for an hour that there was something to tell people waiting at the platform,” Ritchie (Port Authority Spokesperson) added.

(See full article here)

And the funny thing is, in an article about the SAME TOPIC in the “News Paper Whose Name Is Now Banned By Us,” they make it seem like this was no “big duh!”

Port Authority spokesman Jim Ritchie said there was no service from about 9:45  a.m. to 10 a.m., when officials started running a shuttle car back-and-forth on  the outbound tracks. Service was completely restored by 11 a.m.

Mr. Ritchie said delays were minimal and that the trains were about five minutes  off of schedule.

(See full article here)

By the way, one idea we have is to take an extra $200 Billion, Gazillion, Trillion dollars and add glass panels to the underground tunnel.  Then it will be like the “Pittsburgh Zoo Aquarium Indigenous Water Creature And Auto Junkyard” exhibit!!!  Those broken-down-car-walks wouldn’t be so bad!

Back to the original point, we don’t know what TOTALLY happened and we don’t know if people waited over an hour (like in the KDKA piece) or 5-minutes off schedule (like in the News Paper Whose Name Is Now Banned By Us story).  And we know that sometimes stuff breaks down at inopportune times.

But what we also know is.. once again this North Shore is the butt of news stories, stories about poor performance and poor communications to its customers and, HENCELY, a butt of jokes.

We’re asking can someone please, PLEASE, PA-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE find people to take the jobs at the Port Authority Admin offices, like maybe the dudes that run the H-O train set-up at the Science Center, that actually KNOW HOW TO RUN A TRANSIT SYSTEM, Ya Jagoffs??????


The Ultimate Fort Pitt Bridge Jagoff!!!


We finally caught one in the act.  Had this envisioned when we started this blog site.  This used to always tick us off.  Now, we’re not on the Parkway too much at evening rush hour, headed to the Fort Pitt Bridge but we were Jaggy-on-the-Spot for this one.

If you’ve been there, you know what we mean.  Traffic is lined up from the Fort Pitt Bridge approach all the way to the Oakland exit… what seems like 901 miles. EXCEPT for the right lane that heads to the north side.  You can get in that lane and head to the west suburbs passing all of the UNFORTUNATOS headed up to the bridge.  UNTIL………………………………………………………………..someone goes down the right hand lane, all the way to the merge point and then puts their left turn signal on to nudge in…..BLOCKING THE ENTIRE RIGHT LANE FROM GETTING HOME!!!

WOW! The things ya see when you’re not driving your bulldozer!!!

If there was ever a need for one of those creepy, unshaven, talk-to-themselves, cigarette-filter-smoking dangerous-intersection flower saleman, it’s right here!!!  We could deputize him and have them write tickets every Monday thru Friday from 4pm-6pm and, there would be enough money to pay off the North Shore Connector in 2 years!

Hey “Red Solo Truck” driver (we think we used that one before but its  good one), first, nobody is supposed to drive a truck and have it THAT clean.  But wait, look at those sissy tires!  Who drives a truck with tires like that?  Did you borrow those from your wife’s 1978 VW Beetle???

We don’t care if you have a fructose-lactose-grease intolerance and you’re trying to rush home to a bathroom after eating your way thru the Peace, Love and Little Donuts, Klavon’s and Primanti’s in the Strip District, MOVE YOUR TRUCK!!  There’s more than one way to get home so take the open lane and get that zero-testosterone truck, out of our way Ya Jagoff!!!

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The Dead Horse Has Left The Station


How many jokes have been done about the 4-year long, Port Authority’s $523.4 million, 1.2 mile light-rail extension North Shore Connection project?

Given that the connector, now called TPlus, is finally up and running, we thought we would give it one last shot!  We chose the WTAE-TV version of the story since  they interviewed one of the happy drivers who is soooooo excited that he’s a Steelers Fan and he gets to see Heinz Field every time his vehicle comes up out of the tunnel on the North Shore. (See WTAE video here…You have to see this guy.) By the way, funny how all of the reporters who were beating up on this punch-bag-of-a-news-story for 4 years and now they can’t wait to take a ride!

Back to the happy driver, in one 8-hour shift, how many trips of hauling drunk sports fans and seeing drunk concert goers peeing on the side of his machine, as he pulls up to the deck, will it take before he doesn’t give two beans about seeing Heinz Field??  And isn’t this how Pittsburgh’s own Michael Keaton started… driving the “Neighborhood of Make Believe” Trolley for Mr. Rogers at WQED?  Do you think Mr. Happy Driver is sooo happy because he thinks HIS bumper-trolley driving is going to lead HIM to a Batman role in 10 years?

In the meantime, we find some unique similarities between the new TPlus and The Mr. Rogers Trolley.

Comparing the to pics above, the routes look awkwardly similar–about the same length.

The Mr. Rogers’ trolley traveled to the Neighborhood of Make Believe and the new TPlus takes people to the Casino-of-make-believe.

Do you think the little whislte, that road in the front of the Mr. Rogers Trolley, would get all excited at the site of Heinz Field and “toot-toot” every time just like it did when it passed King Friday’s Castle?

Soooooo, we are REALLY looking forward to the “mortgage burning party” that occurs when enough passengers ride this thing, at $2.25 per person, to pay off the $523.4 million.  In the meantime, we’re a little confused, cuz, the North Shore parking lots have lowered their parking rates on weekdays to help downtown workers save money by parking in their lots and taking the connector the final 1.2 miles to downtown.  But we also know that these are the same parking lots that raise their prices for every sporting event and concert……so does THAT mean that the downtown lots will lower THEIR rates so that, for these events, people can park downtown cheaply and go to the stadi-i (our own plural version of stadium) on the North Shore?

One thing we DO know, the new North Shore Connector does NOT give our fair city a way to create another unique “(Insert Name Here) Memorial Run” event  because the entire length of the 4-year long, $523.4 million North Shore Connector, out and back, doesn’t even equal 5K, Ya Jagoffs!!!


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