Jagoff

Deer Culling in Mount Lebanon Called Off – 5 Reasons Why

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Well, the controversial deer culling of Mount Lebanon has ended.  See story by WTAE Kelly Brennan  This project has brought a level of controversy to the swanky town of Mount Lebanon not seen since Michelle Obama sported a sleeveless TJ Maxx dress in public.

It has been ugly…

people likening the deer culling to Nazi Germany (not kidding)

very conduct-unbecoming-of-a-chai-tea-sipper comments to well-known Pittsburgh blogger/Pittsburgh Magazine writer, Virginia Montanez calling her an “uppity heartless wench

in a true sign of wild animal solidarity, turkeys causing a motorcyclist to get hurt due to them protesting in the middle of a road.

People wanting to hand out free bike and hockey helmets to the deer (kidding)

There has been jagoffery on both sides… someone seen on video sneaking in to help the deer escape from the corrals and now the guy in charge of shooting the deer, admits to WTAE that, at one point, it took 11 shots to the head to kill 3 deer due to faulty ammunition and that now it’s too warm to carry on the project.

Enter YaJagoff.com because no matter which side of this deer-culling-circus you’re on, the entire thing has hit a 9.8 on the silly-ass-sh$t scale.

With all of the controversy surrounding this project, you’d think that the hunter dudes and dudettes would have made sure everything, including the ammo, was ready with NASA-Navy-Seal level precision preparation. But nope…faulty ammunition excuse….sheeesh!  Thank GAWD they didn’t use the ol’ “Deer had harder skulls than we had anticipated due to running into so many Mt. Lebanon vehicles” excuse.

Well, our SJU (Special Jagoff Unit) looked into this and here is what WE found as potential reasons why the Mount Lebanon deer culling failed.

1)  We established that there are no, zero, nunya, zippo empty beer cans around where the deer hunters were prepping. Huge mistake.

2) There is no evidence that any of the hunters ate a minimum of 6 1/2 quarts of re-heated chili prior to the hunts. Bad juju.

3)  All of the hunters were honest with their spouses about how long they needed to be away to hunt the deer.  These people can’t POSSIBLY be real deer hunters.

4) Not enough fox urine on the hunters clothes and boots.

5) The deer are more difficult to cull in warmer weather when they have more options for food….somehow, the professional hunters were not aware that it starts to warm up toward the end of March.  They all must have only visited Pittsburgh once… during the Blizzard of 1993 and assumed it’s always like that.

So, professional hunter dudes and dudettes..the closest I ever got to going deer hunting was when my ex-father-in-law took me and asked me to wear a brown jump suit and an antler hat.  Also, I know/care ZERO about hunting ANYTHING other than a serious bargain on hockey tape!  I get a chill just walking through the freezer section of the grocery store to get the meat that is cleaned and ready to cook let alone sitting outside in the freezing cold TRYING to catch some.

But, what I DO know, if your group was hired to do this in the midst of all of that controversy, don’t ya think ya woulda had the details down a little better to get this done right, Ya Jagoffs?

 

Thanks to WTAE  for the story…we consider her to be an Honorary Jagoff Catcher!

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Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff – Pittsburgh Pickle Company

It’s Wednesday….Time for Yakkin’ With YaJagoff!

We are yakkin’ with Joel, Will and John of the Pittsburgh Pickle Company.

These guys are idea men!

But better yet, they are “Drink Beers and Get Ideas” men.

Where can ya get these pickles?  Click the pic to see their website.

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BIG thanks to The Beerhive for letting us have a corner of the place!

Click the pic to get to their Twitter Page

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As always, thanks to 321Blink for the Production

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Butter Dish Jagoffery – Round 2

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It would appear that we have butter-dish issues.  See my previous post here about the butter looking like it needed a shave more than me in the morning.  Once again, I have deployed the Jagoff-estrator highlighting the situation (sitch as some people call it these days).

So the evidence would show that someone utilized the “soft” butter for their toast, pancakes, waffles, pasta… whatever… and then left this cubic-centimeter of butter for the next person… ME.  And it never once occurred to the previous butter-er that someone else might want some “soft” butter today.  And, if someone else DID one some butter, they could spend 20-25 minutes using the tip of the knife to scrape all of the little lines of butter off of the dish to try and make a 2nd cubic-centimeter of butter.

And was there really no more room on their toast, pancakes, waffles, pasta … whatever… for this little bit more of butter causing them to either refill it or wash it? I mean, you’re using butter.  There’s a heart catheterization in your future at some point no matter what.  This little trace isn’t going to speed up or slow down that process.

Someone paleeeeeeze take 10.499331178 seconds out of your morning to refill the butter dish. Just like you, I ALSO prefer soft butter because scraping clumps of cold butter across pieces of toast pretty much leaves me a counter top full of large chunks of toast with clumps of butter on them and fingers full of butter and…..HUNGRY!!!

One final warning for the butter-eaters in my house, the Liam Neeson calls are about to start, Ya Jagoffs!