Ya know when you are sitting in your car in multiple lanes of stand-still traffic and you start to daydream then the car next to you pulls forward and you PANIC thinking that your car is drifting backwards so you stomp on the break pedal? Well, that’s KIND OF what happened here.
We received this email the other day:
“I was driving on Route 22 heading towards Murrysville. As I passed the on-ramp for the Turnpike on the other side of the road, a jagoff in a black minivan was backing up on 22 because he missed the entrance! As it is illegal to back up on any road regardless if you use the shoulder or not, he did it! He also turned his van and took both lanes up. He created a cluster @#$@#”
Seems that our man in the black mini-van missed at least 3 different signs pointing him to the Turnpike including one that’s ONLY about 4′ x 4′ with an extra arrow pointing to the on ramp that says TURNPIKE!
So because we give everyone a fair chance to defend themselves, we found Mr. Minivan and asked him directly WHY he was backing up the wrong way during rush hour causing a panic. Was it because he was on the phone and yelling at the kids to turn the DVD player down while trying to hold his EZ PASS up to the windshield and at the same time trying to tune in DVE’s Mike Prisuta’s “Steelers Report from Latrobe?”
Gosh no! As it turns out, Mr. Minivan drives EVERYWHERE backwards. He told us that driving backwards keeps him from racking up the mileage on he and the wife’s pleasure van so that, when they trade it in on an updated 1998 model, they can get more than Blue Book for it!
Hey Mr. Minivan, we suggest, driving backwards, ESPECIALLY during rush hour on busy roads, is somewhat of a hazard to your health AND your minivan’s Blue Book value. In the meantime, we have requsted PENNDOT and the Turnpike Commission to install more signs that say, “Just In Case You Missed The Last 7 Signs For The Pennsylvania Turnpike and Don’t Have a Nagging Wife or Female GPS Voice To Tell You How To Drive, THIS IS YOUR EXIT, YA JAGOFF!”
You know you’re in trouble when you’re on a road with 1 car in front of you and dozens of them behind you (and there aren’t funeral flags on anyone’s vehicle). It’s pretty obvious who the bottle-neck is!
And then sometimes, you get that person who speeds up to the green light, then hits their brakes to scan the territory then goes through the intersection. All the while, you’re wearing brake pads faster than a student driver in rush-hour traffic on Route 51.
We got the following email submission and the above pic about a driver on Christmas Day of all times:
Was following along behind this jagoff several miles…..guy was doing 35 in a 50 and refused to go any faster…..long stream of cars behind me…..I was following at a respectable distance…then the speed limit changed to 35…he dropped to 20 then would speed to 35 then to 20…..brake checking me several times….(or at least trying to…again, I wasn’t that close where it would matter) .
Then while going over some train tracks he abruptly jammed on his brakes, stopping me in the middle of the train tracks. All I can figure is he felt I was following too close? When I tried to go left around him he gassed it and blocked the way, then sped off to the right after I stopped. And on Christmas day yet. What a jagoff.
Yes… exactly the place to play “Cat and Mouse,” on the roads with a 4,000 lb vehicle. Thankfully they don’t build REAL cars like the Kennywood Bumper Cars… where, if ya turn the wheel all the way to one side, it goes backwards and bashes the car behind ya. This guy might have tried to use that function in some kind of My-girlfriend-who-I-just-spent-eighty-dollars-on-to-win-an-oversized-stuffed-animal-that-we-now-hate-carrying-around-the-park-is-in-this-car-next-to-me-so-I’m-gonna-play-tough-guy-driver move.
Merry Christmas! Santa was watching. Hope your car is coal powered, Ya Jagoff!
Thanks to Dave for submitting the pic and the story on the website.