Driving Jagoffs

Ahh… #@# it! I’ll just turn!

YJ-Turn

 

This pic exemplifies what this blog is all about… highlighting people, as my grandfather used to say, who think their ARSE doesn’t stink!  People that only think of themselves!  The photo was taken at a spot famous for this, the turn from the Liberty Bridge onto Forbes Avenue.

The tweet that came with this pic was:

The turning from the wrong lane #jagoff is one of the worst ways to jagoff in all of jagoffery

This move mainly works if you’re a young woman with a great smile…. you look at the car on the left that you’re about to crash into if they don’t see you coming, you smile, give that little “Oooopsie! I need to get over there but for some reason I happen to be all they way over here!” wave and BOOM.. you’re over.  But for everyone else? This becomes an “I don’t care what my insurance deductible is, I’ll take the side of your van off if you cut in front of me,” situation.

Hey Van Moron-in (that didn’t really work into a Van Morrison play as  well as I hoped that it would), is your “white van” appointment, where you will probably park along the curb with your four-way flashers on and block OTHER traffic four HOURS cause you’re in a “white van,”  that important?

For crissakes, just go straight and let the irritating GPS voice, repeat, “RECALCULATING, RECALCULATING, RECALCULATING, RECALCULATING” for a little bit while you figure this out!

I mean, it’s as simple as taking 5 extra minutes out of YOUR life and making a simple box…going one more block, turning left, then turning left, then turning left again  to get  to where you wanted to be WITHOUT jerking around all of the drivers behind you, Ya Jagoff!

Thanks to Luke B (Pens_andthe_Pen) for being today’s Honorary Jagoff Catcher.

Click below for details on this upcoming Pens Alumni event.

PEMF_2014HockeyGrahic_84

 

 

 

Red Solo Truck – Peter Parker!

YJ-RedSoloTruck

Now a red solo truck is the best receptacle
For barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals
And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles
If you prefer parking like a Jagoff!

A red solo truck can be cheap and disposable
And when parking like this can be made blog-composable
And unlike my home, it’s not foreclosable
Unless you prefer parking like a Jagoff!

Red solo truck, you cannot park!
Let’s try some parking, let’s try some parking!
I love you red solo truck, I lift wrote you up
Proceed to parking, proceed to parking.

Now I really love cuz you’re easy to make fun of
We call these Peter Parkers, which now you are one of
Cuz when ya park in lots like that
Well, that my friend, makes me quite lucky.

But I have to admit the ladies get smitten
Admiring how sharply my blog name is written
About you when the truck isn’t fittin’
into the parking lines, Ya Jagoff!!!

Everybody sing….

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let’s have a party, let’s have a party
I love you red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

That song is now stuck in your head!!!! You’re welcome!!

 

Thanks to Mr. The Moon on Twitter for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today.
Adaptation of Red Solo Cup: Toby Keith – Red Solo Cup Lyrics | MetroLyrics

The “Jagoff” Left!

Photo Credit:wtae.com

 

Surely you have heard of the “Pittsburgh Left.”  What you see in the photo above is, a complete lack of respect for other drivers, selfishness and what WE would call, the “Jagoff Left.”

We’ve all been in the wrong lane at some point (happens all the time on McKnight Road near Ross Park Mall) and then you’re stuck.  You look to see if you can take advantage of a 12-14 inch opening in between 2 cars and you dart over into the lane you want.  It sometimes results in you getting a horn but, if you smile, gave a fake “thanks buddy” wave then, well, no biggie!

And sometimes you are forced to go the direction you didn’t intend to go but you drive until you  find a safe place to turn around and get back on track.  Of course, the whole time you’re doing this your GPS voice won’t shut the hell up… “Recalculating… Turn Left Ahead…Recalculating, Make First Right.. Recalculating.

But not THIS Monroeville driver…..he/she made a mistake and.. well, they’ll just fix it by just pulling in front of someone.  And no doubt, when that someone beeps and yells at them, this Monroeville driver yells back as if its the OTHER guy that’s the Jag!

Hey you might wanna get off that phone and stop talking with your hands and concentrate on where you’re driving cuz you’re making a great case for installing sub-bumper-tire-flattening-torpedo-darts on all future car models, Ya Jagoff!!

 

Thanks to @SixDegreesPGH for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today.

 

Click the pic to see how to order your own hoodie!!!