Pittsburgh Cutting Edge Health Care Ideas AGAIN!!!!!!!

There aren’t many times that I act like GENIUS but this might be one of ’em!!!

Since Pittsburgh is always on the forefront of new health care things, I started to think, how can WE solve the national health care crisis.

Our SJU, Special Jagoff Unit,  found a way to lower health care costs, promote early checkups and take full advantage of those back-scatter airport scanners that show EVERRRRREEEEE thing including your skivvies AND the skid marks that make your DER-wear look like runway 2-8 RIGHT at the Pittsburgh International Airport (Click, Save, Fly!). 

HERE’S THE DEAL, staff the back-scatter scanner units with DOCTORS!!!  Yep, professionals that can make on-the-spot diagnoses.

Picture it:

“By the way sir, we’ve verified there’s no contraband in your colon, HOWEVER, Dr. Lou Stool, our gastroenterologist see’s a few polyps in your sigmoid area.  Could ya please step over here for a quick colonoscopy?  Don’t worry that you haven’t fasted, the Taco Bell you had in the food court would have cleaned ya out better than a molasses enema.”

OR

“By the way, ya might wanna consider cycling to your destination today instead of flying ‘cause you’re WAY over weight and, Dr. A. Fib Ralation, the TSA cardiologist working our scanner today, actually saw clumps of Primanti SANGwiches floating in your right coronary artery.”

Maybe we could even cash-in frequent flyer miles for things like heart catheterizations or  bags of IV fluid instead of comp drinks or for a ”Fashion Fit Emergency Mask” or maybe an in-flight urinary catheter for the old guy in the window seat (cuz he likes to lean) that gets up to pee every 20 minutes? Why not?  Those miles CERTAINLY aren’t good for flying anywhere!!

By the way, if this airport scanner health-care thing does go through, I see the following being some ORBITZ TRAVEL SPECIAL ideas:

 Asthmatics to Athens

Prostate Checks on flights to the Finger Lakes

Kidney Function Tests on European flights (Get it? You’re a pee-in’)

Hey Highmark, UPMC, Joe’s Healthcare, Pittsburgh Airport…. SOMEONE hire us as experts.. but we want full credit… like “Life Changing Medicine and Travel, Ya Jagoffs!”  Or “Your Health Care AND Travel Partner, Ya Jagoff!” or our favorite, “Click, Save Your Life, Fly, Ya Jagoff!!!!”

 

 

It’s a Peter Parker Catcher Friday

YJ-Tim

 

It’s kind of like a parking wedgie!!!

For those times when you WISH you could…. this Jagoff Catcher one-ups the Jagoff #PeterParker from the yellow car.

Here’s to hoping that the driver of the Mercedes parked their car, purchased some movie popcorn with some extra butter, a super large pop tankard and some Junior Mints.  Then after that, hoping that they sat and relaxed on a bench across the street, in a Hannibal Lecter maniacal kind of way, and, when the yellow car driver came back to their vehicle, the Mercedes drivers used their thumb and pointing fingers, IN A PINCHING configuration, to fantasize about squishing your head over and over from many angles like we were in 4th grade.

Hey driver of the  I-bought-this-car-car-to-make-up-for-my-small-physical-characteristics car, next  time you’re trying to park, call ahead, we’ll put up the bumper railings like they do on kids bowling alleys, Ya Jagoff!

Random Prize Day! Another Pittsburgh’s Bestest!!!

YJ-BestOf2014

 

Well…… what can I say!!  I’m honored!

And the cool thing is, if it wasn’t for yinz guys reading my silly little blog, watching the videos and sharing them… well, I’d still be picking my nose and eating cheese curls every night or even worse, writing stalking letters to Jodie Foster, as opposed to staying up to 2am every night writing snarky blog posts!

So, no snarkiness today.  Just a bunch of blushing and warm feelings inside (no, I didn’t pee my pants…as far as I know).

Just wanted to say THANKS to Pittsburgh Magazine and all of you for reading my stuff!  You can see all of the 60 Favorite Things and the Readers Poll winners here.

Oh shoot.. the music is starting to play me off… um.. I’d like to thank my mom, dad, God, my kids.. um, my producer.. shoot… I don’t have one of those… um… thanks to…um.. I know I’m forgetting someone .. um… Good night.. and THANKS!

 

PRIZES!!!!

I found a bunch of my old First Communion Cards in a box.  They still had money in them so I bought some gift cards to earn more Giant Eagle Fuel Perks and have randomly selected names of followers to which to give them.  If you’re name is listed below, email us at YaJagoff (at) comcast (dot) net, subject line PRIZE with your mailing address!  We will mail you a random gift card!

From Twitter

@cmwinter87

@tsickles321

@sbeeghley

From Google +

Joby Franczek

Aliza Balcer

From Facebook

Mary Fran Coulter

Kenneth Wolfe

Long Suffering Campbell

Pamela Wimer Weise

From Instagram

mmmmpie

Libbunnie