Guest Blog Post From – The Pittsburgh Duck

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Parody Name: “Ya Quackoff”
Follow me on Twitter @YaQuackoff

Hello Pittsburgh!!! (I just said that in my Boston-Journey-Poison-Foreigner-Cheap Trick-ZZ Top-BonJovi-patronize-the-local-crowd-concert voice).

By the time you read this, I will be a deflated pile of rubber yellowness hidden in a secret location.  (Hopefully Jack’s Bar in the South Side!)

I had a great time here!  The party on the bridge when I came in.  The Pirates making all kinds of craziness.  The Steelers turning things around!  By the way… Do ya know what sound a Steeler Fan 40-foot Rubber Duck makes when ya squeeze him with 9 seconds left in a game against the Baltimore Ratbirds?  Suisham!!!

To be fair, I couldn’t really see the game last night.  My back was turned. Plus, I don’t really have eyes!  See the pic from @SteelerKibb below. But I loved all of the crazy yelling.

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Thanks for all of the pictures you took of me.  I noticed in some of them that my butt looked a little big so, before I come back, I’m going to have to do a little extra swimming.  My favorite pics were when people tried to make it look like they were kissing me…

I can’t get the Katey Perry song outta my head, “I kissed a duck and I liiiiiiiked it!”  Haaa now it’s stuck in YOUR head too!

I also like the pics of people pretending to feed me stuff.  Except for the the now-fired Cincinnati Reds Manager, Dusty Baker, who tried to feed me a plate of foie gras.. only AFTER he tried to talk a bunch of kids into beaning me with baseballs!

The other thing that I noticed from all of the pictures, like this one, is that I need to start parting my hair on the Left instead of the Right!

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From @KatieB480 on Twitter

I like this pic too, of the kid doing the Duck Face taken by Leanne O’Brien.  It’s kinda Warhol-ian!! I dig it!

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One of my favorite pics was from @MikeDarnay.. creating the Pittsburgh “Duck Dynasty.”  I kinda think me and Brett Keisel are doppelgangers, huh?

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I’d like to come back and arm wrestle the Pirate Parrot, Steely McBeam and Iceburg for a Primanti Brothers Sandwich or some Pamela’s lyonnaise potatoes.  The only problem with THAT is, my wings are molded to my side so it wouldn’t be much of a competition I guess.

I would also like to come back to figure out what in the heck a Jumbo Sandwich is!

(Is this still in your head?  “I kissed a duck and I liiiiiiiked it!” )

Let’s clear up a few things..

No! I did not come here with underwater cameras implanted in me trying to secretly search for the missing B-25 Bomber in the Mon River.

No! I cannot stay and play on the Steelers Offensive Line… Mike Adams wouldn’t make a good stand-in for me either while I was over there playing.

No!  I don’t have ears…  sorry to reveal that after soooooo many of you have been yelling “Quack! Quack!” at me the past few weeks.

And let me give a QUACK-out to @Liz_G_Phillips who was an awesome Twitter-bud.  I never did get a chance hook up with her and her husband, John A. Phillips, and head up to the Elks Club for some Karaoke, one  of the nights after I got off work!

(“I kissed a duck and I liiiiiiiked it!”  Gotcha again!)

The Phillips Family

The Phillips Family

OK..time to get my warm bum outta this cold water…. it was starting to get a little irritating with all of the carp nipping at my butt.

I learned some Pittsburgh-ese while I was here.  I learned that,  The word Jagoff can be used in a few different ways.

1) Expressing love/appreciation to someone close to you, with a smile on your face and a hug, you say, “Ya Jagoff!”
2) Expressing being startled, half chuckling you say, “You scared the CRAP outta me, Ya Jagoff!”
3) And then there’s the version ranting about someone that has been a jerk, with a scowl on your face, “Ya Jagoff!”

So, referring to #1 above… thank you for welcoming me to Pittsburgh (and the United States)…. I had a great time.  I love yinz all, Ya Jagoffs!

 Goodbye Pittsburgh!  (I also said THAT in my Boston-Journey-Poison-Foreigner-Cheap Trick-ZZ Top-BonJovi-patronize-the-local-crowd-concert voice)

Also a QUACK-out to Sandy Stuhlfire for giving me my parody name.  She won a contest on this blog when I arrived.

 

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Dashcam Guy – Videos of Pittsburgh Drivers

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Dashcam Guy is ready with some more video of Pittsburgh’s drivers and favorite intersections.

As Dashcam Guy says, “Dashcam footage from my Ford Ranger as I trundle about the City of Pittsburgh, PA, capturing the inane, insane and downright stupid drivers out there.

Watch the video…. hopefully you do NOT see yourself….

Click HERE to subscribe to his YouTube Channel if ya wanna.

And Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook out cuz Dashcam Guy LIVES, Ya Jagoffs!

It’s a “Peter Parkers” Thursday!

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It’s been a looooooooooooooong time since I posted Peter Parkers.  Probably so long that it’s worth reminding you why they are called Peter Parkers:

Peter Parker – Well, there’s a nickname for “Richard” that one might use to describe how these people park..”Park Like A Richard”  BUT “Peter” seems like a better word since this is a family show.  AND it flows better ….with Parker so you get, “Peter Parker.”

So these people just can’t seem to figure out that their vehicles were supposed to go BETWEEN the white thingies.  (Maybe they are all driven by Jeff Reed’?)  And they are so blatantly bad, I didn’t even have to use the Jagoff-estrator technology.

No matter how many of these we post, the Peter Parking problem continues… people are STILL inconsiderate of others!

So here are MY thoughts AGAIN…. “Don’t Hate – Educate!” So, I would suggest that these drivers, spend a full-day just sitting in one of the local Pennsylvania Drivers License Centers.  (Not one where Sidney Crosby cuts the line because seeing him would NOT be punishment.)

While there, they don’t have to practice parking, they just have to sit there all day.  Basically, if you spend a whole day at one of those places doing some people watching, you will do ANYTHING to not have to go back… including promising to NEVER park like this again.

In the meantime, what do you think the conversation with any of these drivers would be if you approached them?  Here’s how I envision any of these drivers responding:

“ Sorry, I’m not used to these line-thingies cuz, when I USUALLY come to Jo-Ann fabrics for some scrapbooking supplies or do a Red Box Drop-off,  I normally just pull in at the curb in front of the store and put my 4-way flashers on and, yes, I realize I am blocking the cross walk,  I’m only gonna be a MINUTE!!!”

Either that or you find and older gentleman, who dropped off the scrapbookin’ Mrs. at the front door (while everyone waited behind him) and now he is poised in the “Emergency Response” position for when she comes out with her arms full of glue sticks!

Or maybe it’s a younger driver who had to do some very important texting as they pulled into the spot at 89mph.

Listen you pull-in-without-regard-to-time-place-or-dimension-spatially-awareness-challenged-Peter-parker-perpetrators, I realize it may take you an extra 1.585782251 minutes to park BETWEEN THE LINES like the REST OF US  (who also have important things to do) but, how about squeezin’ that hobby-supply-rig IN BETWEEN the white lines, and make room for the rest of us,  YA JAGOFFS!

 

Thanks to @JagoffBrewer, @PghLesbian24 , @MadChad412 from Twitter and Sandie Mackintosh from Facebook for being Honorary Jagoff Catchers today.

 

And don’t for get the CHALK CHALLENGE! 

Next time you see a Peter Parker, write YaJagoff.com on the ground near the car and THEN take the picture.

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