Halloween Jags #2 – Teenager Mutant Ninga Trick-or-Treaters



To those:

  • 18-year-olds who are still trick-or-treating at all
  • 15-16 year-olds that only put on one of those tuxedo t-shirts or your high school football team uniform as a costume.. (some go ALL out and put on the black-eye stuff),
  • moms who carry a 10-month old baby around in a costume (who looks really cute) but collect a queen-sized pillowcase full of candy “for the little guy,
  • parents who let your daughters and sons dress up like hookers and pimps and,
  • people who pile in cars and drive around to 4 different neighborhoods to get more candy than WalMart

stay home and leave the trick-or-treating to the little kids, Ya Jagoffs!!!


How old is too old to trick or treat in a neighborhood?  Comment below.



Halloween Jagoff Post #1

I always say that this blog is a therapeutic outlet – express your anger here and you will sleep better at night AND it could keep you from being fired for telling your co-worker what you really think of their lunch room eating habits.

I love Halloween but I’ve been carrying the emotional scars, for years, caused by an older lady in the neighborhood we grew up in.

I swear that this older lady in our neighborhood just LOVED to torture people, ESPECIALLY kids, without reason.

She would give out Huggies juice barrels and cans of soda as Halloween treats.  Do you know how HEAVY those things get at about your 50th house?  Actually, I think she even high-dropped those cans into our bags from the top of an 8-foot ladder to increase the impact. (I couldn’t really tell since I couldn’t see through my one-size-fits-all mask.)

So this goes out to the neighbor lady: not sure where you got those ANVIL-WEIGHTED-DRINKS, Mrs. Whomever-You-Were, but punishing us by waiting down our candy bags was evil, ALMOST Goodell-ian, Ya Jagoff!

Those Standing People on Airplanes


I am one of the most impatient people in the world. Just ask the guy sitting in front of me at any red light who doesn’t hit the gas pedal within .0001871 seconds of the light changing to green.

But, for the life of me, I don’t understand the concept of, after a plane lands, as soon as the seatbelt light goes off, these people have to stand….even in the back rows, people get up DESPITE the fact that the airplane door has not yet opened and there’s no place to go.

People stand up, look around, bump into the other impatient people that stood up and have to look for their bag in the overhead compartment 3 rows back, or worse yet, just stand there in some contorted position.

Well, today, I was fortunate enough to have an aisle seat so that when this guy in row 28 got up to get his bag, which was above my head, I got a chance to see this. And not only did I see it…he took so long to get his suitcase, I actually had time to lock and load my phone and snap a picture.

So to “Tragic Mike” the airline stripper thanks for the show.  Sorry I was out of dollar bills. I hope the Chucky Cheese tokens that I dropped in there help “the cause.”

And to everyone else who thinks they are going to get off of the plane faster by getting up and standing in the aisle before the airplane door gets opened, sit the hell down and relax for 2.1881 minutes, Ya Jagoffs!