May 18 2011

BREAKING JAGOFF NEWS: Pittsburgh Pirates PR Blunder AGAIN!!!

BREAKING NEWS: 

Our Jagoff Chopper is over the scene in Kennedy Township and we have 3 reporters on the way to the scene for wall-t0-wall coverage of this breaking story!!!!

I really don’t know where the term Jagoff originated.  But for me, the term originated right at the Stroll Inn – “Bugga,” the mother of Estelle (current owner) used to hang out there and call everyone a Jagoff - it is a term of endearment for her!  “You wanna pizza?   Sit down, Ya Jagoff!”

Well, it seems that The Stroll Inn, (click here for full story) started a promotion to progressively discount the price of beer for each game the Pittsburgh Pirates lose in a row.  Also seems that, the Pirates organization took this news about as easy as one would take a colonoscopy without “slider jell” and chose to send an email around telling people to BOYCOTT the bar!!!

Also seems that, since things are going SOOOOOOOO well in baseball operations,  Buccos President Frank Coonelly used his free time to, NOT GOLF, but to call out to this local bar personally and tell ‘em that he supports the boycotting actions of the Pirates’ employees!!!!!!

Haaaaaaaaaa, haaaaaaa, haaaaaaa, haaaaaaa, haaaa!!  Go BUCCOS!!!  How many more PR buckets can you step into before ya clean out the admin house?

So, to Frankie “the PR nightmare” Coonelly, to Pirates account executive Angela Criscella who started the email and to Bob Nutting who CONTINUES to let these people be the face of Pirates Baseball:  remember the people in New Orleans who used to actually attend Saints games with bags on their heads!!!  Did the Saints admin like it?  Probably not!  Did they waste their time on berrating the fans?  Nope!  Just built a better team.

Keep blaming the fans BUCCOS, it builds GREAT community support!!!!

Two final questions, in this situation, what would the Chuck Tanner, the last guy with any class in the Buccos front office, do with this?  He would say, “The fans are right, we HAVE to get better!”

But, MY QUESTION IS, what would Bugga do?  She’s probably saying, “Don’t you jack-offs at the Pirates have anything better to do than to jack-off  local bars, YA JAGOFF????

Action Items:

The Stroll Inn has a Facebook page, go “Like” it and comment (Click Here)

DO NOT BOYCOTT THE PIRATES.  The next Pirates home game is this Friday, let’s get a sell-out  and all wear bags on our heads that say, STROLL INN!

Don’t blame the players or the manager!  It’s the clowns in the admin office that are screwing up the team!

Go to the Stroll Inn, 12 Fairhaven Road, Kennedy Township, and tell’em the Pirates Admin are JAGOFFS – (maybe you’ll get a discount on beer!)

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By Jagoff Catcher • Baseball Jagoffs • 2 • Tags: , , ,

May 18 2011

My Grass

I’m so FRUSTRATED and I didn’t know who/what to blame in this post  – the weather, Mother Nature, my ex-wife, the oil refineries, – either way, I am ready to blow a gasket! And this post is JUST for me so that I can blow off some steam so that I don’t start writing letters to Jodi Foster!

As a side note, is it true that some African rain forest engineers have been in town scouting to see how they can move Pittsburgh to the dying rain forests?

In any event, I have had my lawn mower out almost every 4 days to keep up with growing grass.  I have spent as much money on lawn mower gas as I would have on a trip to Philadelphia!  (My lawn mower SMELLS the same as Philladelphia.)

So, to my lawn (Yes, I live in one of those areas of town where the neighbors call it a “lawn” not a yard with grass.) - I know it was MY FAULT for fertilizing you but it’s NOT my fault that all this rain keeps coming.   I have all kinds of other shit to do so, STOP GROWING, YA JAGOFF!!!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Inanimate Jagoffs • 1 • Tags: , ,

May 16 2011

Kids At Play

Haaaa..the “jagoff catching sickness” is infectious!!  Look at this email I got from RhondaG in Irwin!  No editing:

Dear Mr and Mrs Jagoff (a/k/a my neighbors),
 
Today I noticed, as I was pulling out of my driveway, that you had your stupid little “SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY” bright neon yellow signs set up, up and down the street. (you know these signs..they are in the shape of what appears to be a crossing guard with his hand in a sort of “halt!” position.) I also see that you added bright little orange cones today.
  
I understand that you are being extra cautious so that nobody runs over your children. I have no problem with safety, and I don’t even mind the ugly signs or the screaming of your kids as they ride their bikes up and down the street and in my yard. I do have a problem with the fact that you 2 drive up and down the street like you’re in the INDY 500!!! 
 
READ YOUR OWN SIGNS, and SLOW DOWN!!, YA JAG OFFS!!
RhondaG, you wrote my entire blog post today!!!!! LMAO! But I just can’t sit in my lawn chair on my front porch ”Pittsburgh Tanning” and let Rhonda carry all the weight.  So here’s my 9 cents worth (it used to be my 2 cents worth but the price of gas has caused me to increase my fees).
 
*  People who live in glass houses, shouldn’t have kids
*  If you have a glass coffee table, you shouldn’t have kids
*  Let he who casts the first stone, not live in a glass house
*  Let he who has kids, know how to act like a responsible adult (cuz a lot of ‘em DON’T)
*  People who post SLOW signs in the neighborhood should, get off the cell phone, pay attention, and DRIVE SLOW! (I actually made this one up!)
 
 
NOTE: I wonder if these people also have a “No Solicitation” sign in their window and then go and peddle Cub Scout Popcorn, Girl Scout Cookies, Sarris Candy, Christmas Wrap and Little League Lottery tickets!! 
 
Thanks to RhondaG for being our Jagoff Catcher!!!!
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By Jagoff Catcher • Neighbor Jagoffs • 3 • Tags: ,

May 13 2011

Teachers Having Sex With Students

 

Once again, these kind of stories go right to the “WTF area” of my brain.  Teachers having sex with students (Click Here For Full Story From Brookville, PA ). At what point does your brain tell ya this is O.K?   BTW, this is unfortunately NOT the first teacher to get caught like this.  Do these people NOT watch the news and see others get caught?

I had some seriously hot teachers – even while I was doing my time at Catholic School.  Some of those lay teachers? WOWZER – “INSTANT Pinnochio Pants!” 

But I cannot even imagine that, no matter how HOT I thought that I was at age 15 – with my with zits,  nice fake silk shirt ,  my PicWay tennis shoes, double-knit slacks and my glasses all crooked –  that ANY teacher, male or female, found ME hot!!!!!!  (Just to be sure I went back and reviewed my teenage school pictures – NOT HOT!)

How LONELY do ya have to be to be looking at your students for dates?  I’ll give you THIS – 15 year old girls did NOT look like they do now – but still, THEY’RE 15!!!!! 

And what could a 15 year old girl see in this chubbins of a teacher! 

So, Ms. Hetrick (as I would have been instructed to call you in my day), are you aware of things like Cinemax and Sassy Sensations Stores where you can satisfy your personal desires?  Hell, you’re right along I-80, there’s gotta be some truck-stop adult book stores handy!!! 

So Ms. “Not-hotty” Hetrick, have fun in jail - the Catholic Priests of the area say “thanks” for taking the cross hairs off of them for a while, YA JAGOFF!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Community Leaders, Teacher Jagoffs • 0 • Tags: , ,

May 13 2011

Grocery Check Outters

Everyone knows about the ignorance of taking “more than 14 items” through the 12-items-or-less lane, right?  (We usually give slack  for 2 small items.)  I actually had a guy once with two baskets full of stuff, who got told by another shopper that he wasn”t supposed to be in that line and responded with, “Hey, if this place would put more cashiers on, I wouldn’t HAVE to be in this line.”  Oh, so because the grocery store’s an under-staffed Jagoff, its perfect justification for YOU to be an All-about-ME Jagoff!

 I call them BOTH Jagoffs in my brain but smile because I can do this myself.  I’ll check my 5 items out in the do-it-yourself checkout line! (Hi, Ho! Hi, Ho, it’s off to the self checkout line I go.)

And WHAT do I find?  A woman and 2 kids with a grocery cart, piled to a rounded-top – mom is letting the two kids try the scanner!!!!!!  Oh wait, do they know how to share? NO!  Mom has to keep telling them to TAKE TURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Hey mom, TAKE CHARGE!!!)

I am not one for new laws but I propose this one, the “If-you-are-by-yourself-and-you-have-so-many-items-that-you-have-to-stop-scanning-to-bag-some-of-your-stuff-in-order-to-keep-scanning-Or -you-have-no-idea-how-to-locate-a-bar-code-Or-you-have-never-used-an-ATM-card-Or-you-only-have $800 cash-in-dollar-bills-and-quarters-Or-you-have-enough-groceries-to-feed-3-teenage-boys-for-9-days-Or-if-you-are-so-young-that-you-are-trying-to-scan-your-Eagles-Nest-coloring-page-Then-stay-away-from-the-self-check-out-lane” Law.

All of these people need to be more considerate of others and, hey mom, how about not just standing at the end of the checkout lane bagging the 2 items per minute that are coming down from your kids, howzabout being a mother and TAKING CHARGE instead of making the rest of us suffer the pain of your Giant Eagle a Home Economics Field Trip. Orrrrrrr go buy one of those Fischer Price scanners for home,  YA JAGOFF!!!

NOTE: I’m really not a cranky, impatient person.    I just hate inconsiderate people!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Grocery Store Jagoffs, Parents That Are Jagoffs • 1 • Tags: , ,

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