Windows? WINDOWS! Wiiiiiiindows!!

YJ-Windows

So I was REAL close to writing a posting about those dumb commercials where everyone keeps saying “windows.”  In the meantime, there I was writing some stuff at the local “coffee-shop-where-I-drink-hot-chocolate-cuz-I-don’t-like-coffee-but-want-to-look-like-a-big-boy” shop.  As usual, I pushed my time to the max because, as one friend used to say, “laptops and PowerPoint have brought procrastination to a whole new level.”

OK, time to run and drive like a Jagoff to get to the next meeting.  Time to shut down the laptop.  Then I see the screen above.

“Please do not power off or unplug your machine.  Installing update 1 of 24.”

THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED RIGHT NOW!!!!  And then it takes 17 minutes to complete.

OK, Bill Gates Kool-Aid drinkers,  the next time I need an update to my “Macro-.dll-DMAK-GDI-Net BEUI-.mxp-WFW 3.11-WEW-.PSD-.xml-WYSISYG-VXB-.vga-URL-.SDK-LMNOP-EIEIO-WTF syntax” files, how about a little warning and a choice to say “Not right now I have a million @#$@# things to do” YA JAGOFF!!!

Don’t Know Why, But This Bothers Me

YJ-Shorkey

I listen to the local radio allot. Some times I get crazy and turn up the bass, roll the windows down, lean into the center and blast a good AM radio talk show.  Basically,  I ain’t paying to listen to all the credit card  debt commercials on satellite radio!

Anyway, I hear the Jim Shorkey and Katie Shorkey auto dealership commercials.   The commercials are standard stuff, a caffiene-loaded announcer gets on and says “WOW-WIZBANG-WOW” kind of stuff and then asks about the weekly “Outta-this-world-No-other-dealership-could-be-less” kind of deals that are goin’ on.

Enter Jim and Katie Shorkey – ON THE PHONE!!!!

Whaaaaat?  You pay thousands of dollars for air-time, another thousand for professional voice and then I have to listen to you tell me about great deals over the PHONE????  At home, do ya record your favorite MP3 files over to cassette tapes before ya jam???

Shorkey’s, yer a great family in the area and we appreciate what you do in the community.  I offer one VERY UNIQUE MARKETING CONCEPT.

You sell cars.  So how about jumpin’ into one of ‘em and driving to the studio to record yer commercials, YA JAGOFFS!

(Second choice – fire the JAGOFFS that tell you that this is good marketing for your company!!  And please don’t hire the ones that tell ya its a good idea to YELL!)

Am I being to picky here???  Let me know if I’m the Jagoff below.

The Gas Pump Clicking-thingy

As Pittsburghers, we expect a few basic things out of life:

1) Hot water in the shower every morning

2) Morning traffic reports “on the fours” and “weather on the 10′s”

3) Mr. McFeely will ALWAYS look the same

4) A minimum number of Mon-wharf flood warnings per year

One thing I would add to this list of things that we would LIKE TO TAKE FOR GRANTED… the clicking-thingy on the gas pump nozzle that lets ya  fill our tank WITH NO HANDS!

Seriously!!  It’s like waking up one morning and realizing that you suddenly don’t have a thumb and now you have nothing to sneak up  into the inside of your nostril to scrape out those dry night time “crusties.”

So I go to the local Sunoco.  I need a fill up. In the meantime, I need to make calls into the sports talk shows AND check twitter. But wait!  I have to mess around holding the stupid gas nozzle trigger… can’t dial, can’t sit in the car and talk.. gotta stand there and squeeze that thing for the entire 15.6 gallons (FYI the tank holds 16 gallons and YES..I do this so often that my gas tank light bulb is probably going to burn out some day.)

What kind of gas station is this?

Hey Sunoco, your gas station is SO high tech that the pump asks more questions than an CPA exam.  It has a car wash, a code reader to get a discount, a card-swiper to pay without going inside, a way to order a sandwich, blah, blah, blah…but no 20-cent piece of metal to hold the gas trigger? Forget about selling the next kind of scratch-off lottery ticket or 19 kinds of iced tea and Gatorade, get some clicking-thingies, Ya Jagoffs!

 

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So forward to all of your Pittsburgh friends and relatives!