James Harrison Reminds Me of Sister Bartholemew

 

YJ-Bartholemew

I read this article on BehindTheSteelCurtain.com  about Steelers OLB James Harrison crushing the  “I wanna be an Instagram comedian” dreams of a Pats fan on James’ Instagram account.

When I see the pics of James Harrison, especially at Steelers Training Camp, I am instantly reminded of my Catholic school principal, Sister Bartholemew.  They’re built EXACTLY the same.  Sister Bartholemew’s most intimidating feature was a wart on her chin, that had so much wiry black hair stickin’ out of it, that I thought she had a baby porcupine stuck to her face.

There was no cafeteria in our Catholic elementary school.  I ate my lunch out of a brown paper bag. Except on “Pizza Friday’s” when mom’s would come in and bake pizzas.  One day, they had apples and chocolate chip cookies in addition to the pizza!  Near the apples, one of the moms had made a note that said, “Take only ONE, God is watching. 

What they should have written was, “Take only ONE and make sure it’s an apple because Sister Bart is watching.” We feared ol’ Sister Bartholemew more than we feared the good Lord himself.  God was SUPPOSED to have a beard but Sister Bart had a better one!!  So that fact that there was a note from God on the apples meant nothing.  The fact that Sister Bartholomew would be guarding the apples and cookies in a James Harrison kind of stance and had the same propensity to blow steam from her nostrils (even on hot days), meant we might pee our pants while in line if we took too many cookies.

Actually, one day I did take about 10 cookies to hold for the afternoon snack time.  I didn’t actually get to eat all of cookies that day so I put them in my pants pockets.

Guess where those chocolate chips ended up?  Yep, my mom’s washer and dryer.  Guess what my punishment was?  She ripped one of my limbs off, beat me with it and then sent me to my room to think about what I had done.  Thankfully BigHeads hadn’t been invented yet because she probably would have put one of Sister Bartholemew in there to watch over me!!

OK…Steelers Training Camp is on….as I look at the first day pics already, I am fairly certain that James Harrison is Sister Bart re-incarnated.. at least I hope so because she was intimidating way past the age of 37!

And to the Pats fan that TRIED to take on James Harroson (Who is Sister Bart re-incarnated) … go pick on someone your OWN size..like wiener dog, YaJagoff!

 

Do You Like My Sandwich?

 

           

Our Saturday Feature

What Aggravates Me by Comedian John Knight

Social media, for me a necessary evil, for a lot of people an addiction and waste of valuable time. Most of it still seems very strange to me. Why must some people let us know every move they make or thought that enters their head? Do they think we care?

Then there’s the terminology. It used to be if somebody was following us we would run away or call the police. Now we try to get as many people as possible to follow. In the not too distant past if I told a woman,

“I’m going to tweet your twitter.”

I probably would have been arrested or taken in for questioning. Definitely would have been slapped. But now we want our tweets to be retweeted… If you had told me fifteen years ago that I would type that last sentence and it would make perfect sense I would have assumed we had all suffered brain damage. Probably from the chemicals in the food. I don’t know maybe we have.

Speaking of food, why do people think I want to see a picture of what they are about to have for lunch. I see this constantly on Facebook. It used to be people might say a prayer of thanks before they ate. But now it’s,

“Hold on a minute Lord. Be right with you. Just let me snap a selfie with this burger.”

I don’t know how this works. Do you have to wait to see how many likes you get before you can eat? What if you don’t?

“Excuse me waiter, my friends don’t like this sandwich. I’d like to send it back.”

The weirdest are these posts.

“Sad news today. Uncle Fred passed away unexpectedly.”

Sixty-Seven likes.

Who are these ghouls?

“Hey I see Uncle Fred finally kicked it. Never thought that old bastard was going to drop.

You have to like this!”

Why does every instant have to be captured or shared? The last time I went to see Springsteen I think I was the only person in my section not recording. People missed the entire concert doing this. I guess they could go home later and watch what they missed on their phone.

The other night I was sitting on my back deck smoking a cigar. Suddenly I looked up and noticed a fawn playing with a rabbit in my yard. My phone was in reach and I was about to grab it and get some footage. Then I thought to myself,

“What if I scare them?”

So I just sat back and watched. It was my moment and if you wanted to see it you should have been there.

You shouldn’t have to show everything. It keeps people from using their imaginations. Everybody knows what a baby deer and rabbit would look like chasing each other. The only thing you don’t know is what my yard looks like. So, use your imagination. Imagine it with a big built in swimming pool surrounded by a stone patio. I don’t have one but it’s your imagination and I would like to have one. Oh, and could you level off my hills so it’s easier to mow the lawn.

What I’m saying is people are too concerned about capturing what is happening than experiencing it. Just eat your damn sandwich! I don’t need to know what it looks like. Life is short. Enjoy each moment. I’m sure poor old Uncle Fred wishes he could.

Follow John on Twitter @jknight841

Order his book by clicking the icon below.

JohnKnight

The #FloatingPrimanti.. THIS SUNDEEEE !

floatingprimantisandwich As you may know, the 2015 EQT 3 Rivers Regatta had to rearrange some activities due to the apocalyptic rains the week before the July 4th weekend and the week before that and the.. well, you get the point.

Well, this year’s YaJagoff.com entry into the “Anything That Floats Race” was intended to be a floating Primanti Brothers Sandwich, known as #FloatingPrimanti on Twitter and Instagram.  You might recall our Pittsburgh #FloatingParkingChair from last year’s race.

This year, under the guidance of Chief Yinzerneer Dave Calfo (Pittsburgh’s well known Salvage Artist), we built a vessel that looks great!  But, looking great isn’t enough. Our entire team was glad that the Regatta administrators cancelled the race for safety precautions but, now the #FloatingPrimanti needs to hit the water, mainly because Chief Yinzerneer, Dave Calfo, needs to get his garage space back!

Key Point:  Had the #FloatingPrimanti vessel taken first place at the 2015 “Anything That Floats Race,” we would have won a $2,000 donation for the Pittsburgh Emergency Medicine Foundation (www.PEMF.net).  Therefore, if you see the #FloatingPrimanti in the water on Sunday, or see us wallowing around in the river with a sinking vessel, feel free to go to the PEMF website, and make a small donation.  Our goal is the $2,000 that we missed out on.

The #FloatingPrimanti will ATTEMPT to float in the Allegheny River this Sunday, July 26th, between 1:15 and 1:45pm near the North Shore and PNC Park while the Pirates are playing.

Due to river conditions until now, the #FloatingPrimanti is not tested so, we have no idea how long it is going to float therefore we suggest you have your film, flashcubes, VCR cameras, digital video equipment and smart phones ready.

The gang from the #FloatingPrimanti are:

John Chamberlin (Volunteer President, PEMF, YaJagoff.com)

Beth Wolfe (Executive Director, PEMF)

Scott Smith

Michael Pellas (Downtown Pittsburgh Life)

Mike VanAlstine

Amanda Narcisi (BoldPgh)

Dave Calfo (Chief Yinzerneer, DaveCalfo.com)

Alberto Benzaquen

Steve Fernald

Vince Ryan

Jess Fink

George Dudash

Heidi Balas (The Steel Trap)

Special Thanks To Amy and Ryan at Primanti Brothers, North West EMS, Pittsburgh River Rescue, the Coast Guard and to Kayak Pittsburgh for the ongoing support!

 

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