Hey! Let’s Play the Lottery!!

I know that this makes me  just sound grumpy and whiny.  However, sometimes I just LIKE to be grumpy and whiny vs. being snarky.

I’m thirsty, I want to get home, I just need a quick drink.  So I pull into a “convenience” store where beef jerky, Vienna finger cookies and PowerAde are more expensive than they SHOULD be but I am supposed to be able to CONVENIENTLY walk in, purchase what I want and leave.

But wait!!!!  Someone wants to play the lottery.  And not just a quick-pick.  It seems that they have had some dreams that equate to some numbers and then they saw a number on a billboard on the way there that made them think of their high school graduation date, but they’re not sure that number is dead on, so they box it and then ask for the number plus one and the number minus 1.  But wait!!!  What are those little cool valentine thingies?  Oh, they’re scratch offs?  They’re cute!  How much are they?  Give me 5, oh wait, I want to play 1 more number so only give me 4 valentine thingies.  Are the Valentine lottery scratch off thingies half off like the valentine candy?  Oh, shoot!  I never played these before…. how many do I scratch off.. how do I win?

But wait on MORE time!!!!! There’s only 1 person working at the counter!!!  So the rest of us who want a newspaper or a 99-cent Arizona Tea and have the correct change must wait while this person goes through their lottery gyrations.

By the way, we get the whole lottery thing.  We’re like a lot of people… we’re on the “401K-Powerball” retirement plan.. which means you don’t believe a $30 million dollar jackpot is worth a buck but, once it gets over $100 million, you’re looking for lottery-pool partners at work!!!

Not sure who to blame here… the person that thinks they own the counter-time as if they are picking out perfume at Macy’s for a new girlfriend whom they know NOTHING about or the Management of the NOT-SO-CONVENIENT-CONVENIENCE-STORE who puts only one person on duty during rush hour!!!

Either way, Mr. Lottery Guy, the fact that you saw a camel does NOT mean that 4-5-8 is going to hit on the lottery tonight OR any other combination of those three integers.

And Counter-Guy, (who’s face we shadowed in the above pic), when there are 8 people that want 1 item or to pay for gas, and you KNOW Mr. Lottery-Numbers-Picking-Guy, who is used to putting on his underwear correctly ONLY by knowing that the yellow stains go in the front and the brown stains go in the back, wants to spend time picking numbers, MOVE THE OTHER PEOPLE THRU THE LINE FIRST!!!

All that I know is, I would like our stop at the CONVENIENCE STORE to be CONVENIENT, Ya Jagoffs!

 

And the winner of this Kris Letang signed pic from our Friday blog post  is…Kristen Vardzel

LeTang

 

See all kinds of cool autographed items at ReichPM.

(Click the Burton Morris Pic)

burtonmorris_ml_giclee

Jagoff Petition Update

LeTang

Donated by www.ReichPM.com @ReichPM on Twitter

 

Hey there everyone. Just a quick update on the petition.

For some reason the petition page always says “11′ people signed the petition. I have heard from a number of people about this. Since I am a technical idiot, I have no idea why this is. But I wanted to let you know that, as of today, we have just under 1500 signatures with a couple of weeks to go.

Thanks to all of you for your support and thanks to Pittsburgh Dad (Curt and Chris), Captain Wild Bill and Mayor Peduto for lending their sense of humor to the campaign. The Mayor caught a little bit of “hate” from people that said he needed to understand priorities of his office but, most of them didn’t read the full stories about this being a fundraiser.

Also, be sure to give the folks at 3 Guys Optical some love on Twitter and Facebook. They are the ones gracious to give $1 per signature to The Pittsburgh Emergency Medicine Foundation.

One final thing, thanks to The Food Tasters website for having our petition on their site and continued sharing!  Make sure you visit their page.

By the way, the Mayor did a fantastic explanation on WESA the other day. Follow this link to click on the radio show recording. He talks about the petition at about the 33 minute mark.

Please continue sharing the petition and have a great weekend.  If you are going to the Pittsburgh Juicefest tomorrow (Saturday), I will see you there. Some how I am a judge for healthy drinks!

Place a comment below before midnight EST today and you will be eligible to win the above Letang photo.

 

See all kinds of cool autographed items at ReichPM.

(Click the Burton Morris Pic)

burtonmorris_ml_giclee

Poor Post-Burglary Priorities

YJ-93

Warning!!  This story will tick you off.

These two played needy to a 93-year old woman. She offered to help them with a few bucks. They eventually beat her up… yes, a 93-year old woman… they beat her up and robbed her “allegedly.”

See full story on WPXI.com

This story has somewhat of reasonable ending….the two knuckleheads above chose to escape to a local library, changed their clothes (left their old one’s behind along with the woman’s bank receipt) and… here it comes…..then Angela “allegedly” felt that, THIS DAY, was the day she felt compelled to renew that outta date library card!

Oh… and what’s on the card?  Her name, of course.

C’mon Josh and Angela… Bonnie and Clyde didn’t waste good criminal time with no stupid reading!  Reading is for losers…. oh wait….now I get it.

Currently, Joshy-boy is hold up in the local jail and Angie-girl, well, she’s on the run but, pretty sure that if the cops stake-out the library, it won’t be long before guilt overwhelms Angie-girl of having her library books overdue… “Good to Great,” “Animal Farm,” “Atlas Shrugged” and they simply nab her.

Should there be jail time?  Maybe… but, we think their 93-year old victim should have the pleasure of return torture, but torture that she wouldn’t have to go to church and confess as a sin… like…

She gets to make you both eat nothing but prunes, cream of wheat, raisin bran and bran muffins for 8 days straight.  The key, she allows you access to a toilet but, that toilet is wired to a high-intensity shock delivery system connected to the seat, the back, and the floor and is activated by moisture.  Oh, wait, you would actually be strapped to the toilet so that you had no other options.  At some point, she’s also permitted to whack your knees and shins with a rolling pin.  If for some reason she tires, she is permitted to sell “whacking” duty slots to people who bid on line…. which is how she would make her money back.

And since 93-year olds tend to be very familiar with the health advantages of enemas, after being released from the 8 days of “toiletry” you would be induced with sriracha sauce enemas!

Good luck with your dehydration and… um… library reading…in jail,  Ya Jagoffs!

 

Watch the video from Mayor Peduto