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May 14 2013

Ottawa Senators Owner – Eugene Melnyk

Well, the Penguins are facing the Ottawa Senators.  And now this whole thing of the Penguins’ Matt Cooke “purposely” using his skate to cut Senators’ Erik Karlsson’s Achilles Tendon in a weird play during the regular season is a key part of the story line. The Sens owner, Eugene Melnyk has even gone to the point of personally hiring a private investigation team to PROVE Cooke’s actions were purposeful.

But no word on Melnyk’s hiring of an investigative team for HIS player’s recent knock-out shoulder placed on the Canadiens’ Lars Keller.  And why would he?  Like Cooke’s hit, it was an unfortunate part of playing hockey!

But then…..

The other day, when it was named that it was the Pens vs. Sens in the next round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, apparently a few Pens fans started some nasty-word Tweets to the Sens owner.  So, instead of chucking it off an attributing it to a couple of outta control Pens fans… who may OR may not actually be from Pittsburgh, Eugene-the-Agitator stirs the pot a little more by tweeting the following message:

Some tweets we get from fans are profanity filled. That’s classless – it’s just a game. You are embarrassing your city, team & players.

Indeed it is a GAME!  And sometimes the players get hurt which is very unfortunate.  So bring in whatever investigative teams you need to chase Matt Cooke around town when he gets to Ottawa. Feel free to be distracted.

And, let’s make one of those City-vs.-City bets…like… when the Penguins beat the Senators, you agree to call off this Witch Hunt and, since those private investigators will need something to do, why don’t ya pay to have them come to Pittsburgh and, once and for all, solve OUR mystery of the B-25 Bomber crashing into and being secretly removed from Monongahela River. Now THAT’S good use of your INVESTIGATIVE money, Ya Jagoff!

NOTE TO EUGENE:  The word Jagoff is NOT profanity.

 

Special thanks to @Pmmalinowski for suggesting today’s blog post!!!

 

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May 13 2013

Pens Beat The Islanders Jagoff Post

Photo Credit:wtae.com

As we have said before and, as anyone from Pittsburgh knows, the word Jagoff can be confusing to those not from here.

It’s a term of endearment when we want it to be, “Oh my God! How in the hell have you been, Ya Jagoff?”

It’s a term of astonishment to someone you love, “You scared the @#$% outta me, Ya Jagoff!”

It’s also a phrase of frustration and anger, “You should shut up, Ya Jagoff!”

Given that, let’s talk about our Pittsburgh Penguins. Seriously, it took us 6 games to beat the Islanders? Do you know how many of us had puke in the back of our throats and acid reflux over these 6 games? And do you realize how much food was wasted watching these games because because we were literally in a panic?

For me, it was like golf… tension was soooooooooooooo high that some of us couldn’t even enjoy a beer during the games.. we were guzzling Pepto Bylsma.. I mean.. Pepto Bismol!!

OK.. rant over… thanks for beating the Islanders BEFORE causing a game 7 on Mother’s Day for crissakes! It could have been ugly telling Mom that she wasn’t going to be the focus of today!

So let’s get into Ottawa, give Sergei Gonchar one of those, “How in the hell have you been, Ya Jagoff?” lines. Give the Ottawa Senators owner and part-time CSI Agent, Eugene Melnyk, “You should shut up, Ya Jagoff!” salutation. And then let’s skate like a bunch of 4-games-benched Tyler Kennedies and get out of this series in 5 games, ’cause, with that Islander’s series, “You scared the @#$% outta me, Ya Jagoffs!”

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May 11 2013

Saturday Rant – Terry Jones

YJ-QuotesOnTheBus3

Showcasing some of Pittsburgh’s comedy talent.

Click the video to play

Follow Terry on Facebook HERE and/or Twitter HERE

YOU CAN HERE TERRY ON THE JIM KRENN #NORESTRICTIONS PODCAST EVERY THURSDAY

This rant sponsored by

A website created to spread the word about comedy in Pittsburgh and be a resource to performers in Pittsburgh.

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Quotes on the Bus back next week.

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May 10 2013

Naked New Castle Prowler

Photo Credit:wtae.com
So this 24 year old guy ALLEGEDLY was caught breaking into and  prowling in a New Castle resident’s garage.  And when he was found out, he decided, ALLEGEDLY, ran through the neighborhood naked and tried to hide on another house’s porch.
This story brings about soooooooooooooooo many questions like… if he was naked, where did he keep his locksmith set that he used to pop the lock?  Or, if he was going to steal something, in what pockets was he planning on stashing his bounty when he left?  Clearly he didn’t plan this one out very well.
But what would have been some of his excuses for being in the garage and naked?

“Hey there neighbor, I was in the shower and I locked myself out of my clothes closet.  I didn’t know if you were sleeping and was hoping you might have a crowbar for me to use.”

“The wife and I were trying something new next door, I was looking for a second pair of vice-grips.”

“I just saw a hair growing secret on the internet, I was looking to see if you had any Turf Builder?”

But those excuses all seem sooooooooooo silly! More than likely his defense will be something more reasonable like, “O damn!  Did my invisible potion wear off?”

Well Naked-New-Castler, being a naked burglar might have appeared smart… it certainly gives you  a chance to claim anonymity when the cops show up because you can’t find your wallet!  On the other hand, it seems quite stupid because now you will be entered into the New Castle “penal system.”  And guess what else? You’re now the BUTT of our jokes, Ya Jagoff!

Thanks to Mary Mac of Mary Mac’s Bakehouse  for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher for today!

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May 9 2013

That Left-Laned Truck Driver

Photo Credit:wtae.com
This one is REALLY simple… taken from I-79 in West Virginia….cause that’s EXACTLY where a logging truck should be as we all are approaching a hill!!! Shouldn’t you be in the right lane where it is easier to text and drive?
Hey, Kenny Loggins….move over, Ya Jagoff!

 

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