Easter Jagoff – Pysanky Philanderer

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Is there not a Holiday that goes by that doesn’t have some Jagoffery associated with it?

Check out this story from the TribLive website.

A summary of the story:

Guy and lady dying Easter eggs.

(You can just picture it… just like the scene from the movie “Ghost.”  The two of them hovered around their Steelers, Pirates and Penguins mugs filled with those goofy little pellets and smelly vinegar.)

Lady ALLEGEDLY accuses egg-dying partner of cheating on her.

(I guess that makes him mad because, well, obviously she’s not concentrating on how to get the deepest blue on her egg or how to use that silly wire-egg-holder-thingy to get a perfect two-color egg.)

I’m also kind of anxious as to how this came up.

(I wonder if he used the invisible secret crayon and wrote his other girly’s name on it and accidentally left the egg in the blue dye too long and she fished it out with the silly wire-egg-holder-thingy and BOOM!.. there it was!  ”Who in theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee @#$#@% is GiGi?”)

Guy ALLEGEDLY became agitated and began hurling the eggs at his egg-dying partner.

(As long ago as I can think of, we always died what seemed to be 5-tons of hard-boiled eggs.  I have no idea who ever ate all of those things but something tells me most of them were left over and used in the that year’s official first picnic, Memorial Day, for potato salad! So, while the eggs probably hurt, really, there were probably too many of them anyway.)

Guy ALLEGEDLY locks himself into room by blocking the door with an exercise machine.

(I wonder if his had just as many clothes hanging on it as mine does. If so, he could have lived in there for 3-4 weeks and had a new outfit for every day.)

Police finally get to the guy. He’s now in jail awaiting arraignment.

(More than likely, his girlfriend and his girlfriend missed him at the Noon Easter mass and the blessing of the baskets.  But then again, there probably weren’t many eggs to bless and he doesn’t seem to be a chocolate crucifix kind of guy.)

(I am sooooooooooo tempted to end this with a stupid, “The Yoke’s on YOU!” joke but I’m not gonna.)

Hey Philandering-Pysanky-Pete….if my mom would have been there, you would have been in even more trouble for wasting the eggs then you were for cheating on your girlfriend.  As she was pulling the short hairs on the back of your neck, she would have said, “It’s all fun ’til someone loses and eye,” Ya Jagoff!

 

 

It’s Starbucks, Not Heinz Field!!!

So Starbucks is a great place to hang out, relax, meet some business people and work on writing posts for this blog.  EXCEPT IF THIS GIRL IS IN THERE!!!!!

There I am, sitting quietly drinking my Starbucks hot chocolate (I don’t like coffee and their hot chocolate is served in the same adult-type cup as the coffee so I can STILL look like a big boy!)

Anyway, the two girls in the photo above come in and sit down. It’s some kind of “get-aquainted-you-tell-me-about-you-and-I’ll-tell-you-about-me” conversation.  I know this NOT from eavesdropping – the girl in the red hair talked sooooooooooooooo loud that I could hear her talking even when the cappuccino machine was running.

On top of that, she talked so fast and sooooooooo much that my head thought it was on the Scrambler ride at Kennywood Park.  The other girl was so politely quiet as one SHOULD BE in a public place, that, at first, I thought the red-head was one of those people that over-modulates on their cell phone as they are walking through town or sitting on the bus.

Not sure if the recording helps you feel my pain but, consider this, the recording was made in my iPhone from about 20 feet away.

Hey Missy Megaphone, meeting at a Starbucks is certainly no library meeting, but the next time you have one of your “You-sit-still-and-I’ll-tell-you-about-me” meetings in a public place, how about taking a heavy dose of “Shut-the-hell-up!” pills.

Or, feel free to have your next life-crisis conversations at Heinz Field while the Baltimore Ravens are trying execute a no-huddle offense in the final two-minutes of the game.  We’re pretty sure THAT CROWD will be louder than you (at least we THINK so) and nobody else within 3 feet will have to give a @#$@ about what you’re saying, Ya Jagoff!!

 

Mother Nature Works For the IRS

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OK.. she doesn’t really work for the IRS but there has to be more reasons to not like her other than snow on April 15th!!!

Make it stop or you get no Mother’s Day plant and card Ya Jagoff!!!!

 

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