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Jul 1 2011

What Can $1,000,000 Buy You?

WOW! Does this guy make Western Pa’ers look like we’re all stupid or does he make us all look like GENIUSES for not being him?

Joe Lombardi, a 23 year-old and, OBVIOUS covert operations MASTERMIND, walked into a Sharpsville, PA FoodMart store to purchase herbal potpourri (fake pot). He used a fake $1,000,000 bill!!! As a matter of fact, he threw the fake money on the counter, grabbed the fake pot and ran out the REAL door of the store. (No reports yet on whether or not he used a fake Handicap tag to keep a getaway car close at hand.)

(Full story on WTAE-TV Website)

Cuz that’s the FIRST thing that would go through your mind if you had a single piece of currency actually worth $1,000,000 – “Let me go to the local FoodMart and get some $4.99 pot-pourri and a Mallow Bar with this.  Then I’ll live FOREVER off of the change I get back!!”  I think I’d be more like, “I better put this in a good investment like my Christmas Club account!”

I would love to see this guy win the lottery or Publisher’s Clearing House and watch’em drag that HUUUUGE check into the bank for cashing!!  Sticking his toungue out and all while he’s endorsing the back with a big green Crayon. 

Hey Sharpeville-Kingping Joey, even I know that if ya wanted to use a $1,000,000 bill, you should go to a Macy’s, AT LEAST.  Some advice, the next time you have a $1,000,000 bill in your possession, consider how you can REALLY be successfull with it –  buy houses/hotels for your Broadway and Park Place properties!  They are located right next to the “GO” space on the Monopoly board.  As they always say, ”drugs can Kill Ya” or at THE VERY least they can embarrass the @#$ out of ya nationally, Ya Jagoff!!

 

AUTHOR’S HINT:  Joe, just in case you do get change the next time, ask for it in all quarters.  Then go to Downtown Pittsburgh. 

You’ll be able to park for about half-a-day this holiday weekend on that!

 

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Jun 29 2011

Comcast Rated Worst – Whodda THUNK?

I cannot believe that Comcast hasn’t appeared in this blog before.  What were WE thinking???

Here’s a quote from the NPR site 2 days ago:

Comcast was voted the worst company in America last year by readers of Consumerist.com. The cable company said it’s shortening the amount of time customers have to wait for service. And if a technician is late, customers get a $20 credit to their account. The improved service won’t be fully rolled out until next year. (Click HERE For Link)

Is there anyone out there that is, or has been, a Comcast customer that HAS NOT had the “When’s the cable guy gonna show up?” experience?   Even better, it has only taken 1 year (he says sarcastically) for them to figure out that they need to fix it! 

Well, it looks like it’s working, see the trio of Comcast trucks above.  I wonder if these guys called each other the night before and said, “Hey, I’ll meet ya for breakfast some time between 9am and noon.  I can’t give you a specific time because I have too many customer service calls to make first.”

Hey Comcast, in the battle of “Who Sucks Worst” against Verizon, you may win the game by taking all of your customers some of those fresh Eat ‘n Park SMILEY COOKIES!  (Maybe THAT’S what these guys were doing.)  Here’s an improvement plan, how about getting all of your employees “retirement watches” while they are STILL WORKING so that they can follow along the day with the rest of us, YA JAGOFFS!

Photo provided by Facebook Follower Gary H.  Thanks for being a Jagoff Catcher!

Also, check this “Comcast Post” out by Seattle-based Blogger, Tim E. Jones on View From The Bleachers.

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Jun 27 2011

I Scream. You Scream. We All Scream For Ice Cream (Makers)

I heard about this story at a weekend graduation party.  I couldn’t wait to get to my computer to check it out.  I almost faked irritable bowel symptoms during the party so that I could sneak away to search it on my iPhone.

Donna Rosenberger went into the McCandless Township Target store to SUPPOSEDLY return two ice cream makers.  Not sure why somone would need two but, so be it!

Her story is: she didn’t like their return policy so she grabbed a baseball bat and started smashing the windows of the store!!!  But if ya watch the video from WPXI, I think ya get the drift that her story REALLY is that she’s a little “Cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs!”  The fact that she was calling Howard Stern for help on this and not FAMOUS Pittsburgh defense attorney JIM ECKER is signs of total insanity.  She’s the perfect client for TV-haired Jim Ecker – crazy and guilty as @#!%.

I wonder what actually put her over the top - maybe it was the fact that the Target employee said to her “You clicked AGREE to our 2,354 page on-line return policy agreement back in 2009.  You should have taken more time to read the agreement thoroughly before clicking AGREE.”

And here comes what ticks me off the most about this story – THE TIMING!

Hey Donna, why did you have to pick NOW to use a baseball bat to bash in the windows.  The Pittsburgh Pirates are actually playing respectably and your timing gives me zero JOKE OPTIONS about them hiring you since you could actually HIT something with a bat, YA JAGOFF!

Thanks to “Fritz” who we met at the graduation this weekend and told us this story.  I don’t think Fritz knows that I write this blog but, that’s ok.  If ya know someone named Fritz who was at a graduation party this weekend, pass this along to him.  It just may be him and this story was worth the laugh!

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Jun 24 2011

Driving Cell Phone Users

So I’m driving on I-279 toward the city.  Traffic is slow in the fast lane!  Is it a bus, is it some kind of tractor in the fast lane holding us up?  NOPE. 

It’s THIS guy driving in the fast lane at 40mph just yick-yakin’ away with his hands going faster than he’s driving!!!!  Hey, I use my cell phone CONSTANTLY while I’m driving.  Sometimes even to take pictures (example here).  But one thing I can say is that I DON’T lose consciousness while I’m on the cell phone.

Big guy, if ya can’t WALK AND CHEW GUM at the same time, ain’t  no way yer gonna accomplish driving and talking at ths same time.  Unless yer last name is Passing, this lane ain’t yours so either get outta the way or go get yerself an Ohio license plate which would make driving slow in the fast line LEGAL , YA JAGOFF!

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Jun 22 2011

Jant Iggle Jagoff

So I stop into the McKnight Road Giant Eagle (Jant Iggle if you are from Pittsburgh).  This is the sign just above the “customer service” desk – ya know, where the customers are supposed to get “service.”  Unfortunately, by the looks of the sign, there are too many services.

Unfortunately, by the looks of the line I was in and the ONE, very nice, senior citizen lady working the “customer service” desk my hypothesis is proven correct!!!

They offer waaaaaaaaaaaay too many services – EZ Pass, Gift Cards, Bus Pass, Wire Transfers.  What’s missing from the list – TIMELY SERVICE!

I’m thinking I am going to write my State Rep and ask that a bill get passed regarding the ratio of extra-service-workers in relationship to the number of extra services offered at grocery stores.  Seems important to me!  MAYBE I CAN EVEN GET ON THE NEWS!!!!   We can pass a rider on the bill stating that Bank Tellers are not allowed to go to lunch at lunch time, WHEN I AM AT LUNCH TRYING TO USE THE BANK!

So Giant Eagle, according to the Pittsbsburgh Business Times book of lists, your the #5 employer in the area.  How about 3 more employees at the McKnight Road location!!!

If I wanted to spend THAT much time in your store I would submit a resume. If yer gonna offer that many services, how about a few staff members to PROVIDE THEM, Ya Jagoffs!!!

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