The Ultimate in Laziness Jagoffery



This picture came to us from Daygon, Ohio with the following tweet:

new definition of lazy…jagoff in Dayton

We have had a few posts about misplaced grocery cart jagoffery due to laziness.  But this really does take laziness to another level.  How many items fit in this basket?  And, after you check out, unless they’re pop can cube cartons that weigh a ton and that you’re supposed to somehow pick up with your two fingers in those little pre-cut finger holes,  aren’t those items placed in bags??

Does one really need to take the basket of goodies all the way to the car?  (Maybe the shopper was Little Red Riding Hood and she was snatched by the big bad Coupon-seeking wolf.)

Isn’t there an old nursery rhyme about this?

A-tisket a-tasket
A grocery store basket
I wrote a letter to my love
And on the way I dropped it,
I dropped it,
I dropped it,
And on the way I dropped it.
So then I just put my basket down in the mulch because I had dropped the letter which meant there was no need for the other items I bought to mail it like stamps, an envelope and a special ink pen but then when I got home, just like the grocery lists that I make and can’t find once I actually get to the store, I realized I had put it in my pocket.

(I think that’s how it goes. If not, it’s pretty damned close… especially the part of never being able to find the little scrap paper of grocery store notes that I had made before the trip but then find AFTER I get back home.)

In any event.  The grocery stores have to pay people to walk around the hot/cold parking lots rounding up carts and now they have to round up baskets?  Why don’t you do like the normal people do… after it’s empty, slide that basket underneath the odd nook of the register counter and give it a little kick to get it out of the way, Ya Jagoff!


Special thanks to @BKeough for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher for today.


Yesterday on Facebook we did a caption contest for the photo below.

The person with the most LIKES by midnight would win a prize.


We had 3 entries with 5 LIKES.

  • Sherry Laffsforlife For sale: Newly renovated , open concept bathroom. Well ventilated.
    Unlike · Reply · 5 · 
  • Scott Holden “You know your a RED NECK if this was your shelter at the school bus stop.”
    Unlike · Reply · 5 · 
  • Bob Gerlach Due to a rampant outbreak of toilet incidents, Taco Bell rethinks their decision to add breakfast to their menu.
    Unlike · Reply · 5 · 
    Since there was a 3-way tie, we put the names into our STANKY old Penguins ball cap, swished them around and pulled out the name of a winner which was:
    Scott Holden
    Scott, email us at YaJagoff (at) comcast (dot) net, Subject line Outhouse to claim your prize.




Worst Bank Robbery Disguise Ever



Not sure what to say other than ask the question, “Was it worth it?”

Sometimes burglars get caught by doing something stupid like leaving a cell phone at the scene, using personalized stationary for the “stick-up” note, or dropping their wallet at the scene.  This guy?  Even worse.  He didn’t even have the sense to use one of those silly opera masks.

Police are looking for a man identified as Richard Thomas Jr., who robbed the First National Bank in North Huntingdon Saturday morning.

(Full Story on WPXI)

Given Mr. Thomas’ lack of any type of disguise, this crime never had a chance to be a Who-Dunnit!

Within 5 minutes, by using our Jagoffestrator and COLORFORMS skills (anyone remember Colorforms?), look how I was able to make him an unknown entity.


Hey Robbin’ Richy, did you grow up as one of those kids that, on Halloween, only wore a hat and carried a big pillowcase for trick or treating?  I mean, for crisssakes guy, at least put on a Steelers ballcap and jacket or team jersey so that you have a chance to blend in with at least 85% of the local population on any given day, Ya Jagoff!


12-Foot Rooster Thief (Notice I Stayed with “rooster” on this)


I didn’t go the easy joke route here.  I stayed with the word “rooster.”

Back in May, Brody Nichols ALLEGEDLY decided it was a good idea to steal a 12′ foot rooster from Tim’s Secret Treasures in Charleroi, PA by loading the thing into the back of his pick-up truck in the middle of the night.  This week he was finally arraigned.


Now one might say, “Hey, they’re probably doing it because of the current plastic rooster exchange rate!”  Yeah, we get that but, our question is HOW…. as in how in theeeeeeee hell does someone steal a 12-foot roster and, maybe even more importantly, WHY?

So many parodies, so little blogging space. (Hey, buddy, pssssst, over here, pssssst, need a 12-foot roster?  Only fie-dolla!”)

But I’m really stuck on this question.  Once it was in the news, what in THEEEEEEEE HELL were you going to do with a 12-foot plastic rooster?   The whole thing behind stealing something is concealing the booty once it’s in your possession until the dust settles.  Something tells me you were going to have to steal a backhoe next to bury the rooster next to your favorite tree out in a Washington County field.  Or was your plan to simply hide it under a pile of KFC buckets?

All I have to say is, good luck explaining this to your cellmate in prison, who, after he tells you he killed or maimed some people, you’ll have to respond, “Oh yeah… well step off ‘cuz I stole a 12-foot plastic rooster Mutha &@^#$@!”  And by the way, just a quick note, not that I’ve ever been but, I have watched a lot of HBO…when telling that story to your cellmate, I’d be sure to stick with the phrase 12-foot ROOSTER.  Good luck in jail, Ya Jagoff!