36 Days Until…..



Only 36 days until we all place our lives into the hands of some college-aged kids who mainly have drinking and checking out “hotties” on their minds and, because they were really good at running the turtle ride  or the softball toss ‘LAST YEAR, have now been promoted and given  control of the accelerator and braking systems of the fastest, tallest roller coasters in the world

Have fun at Kennywod this year, Ya Jagoffs!


Smoking At The Hospital



Yeah.. I get it.  Some patient’s aren’t in the hospital for things associated with smoking.  And yes, I get it, this patient may have a very stressful condition and, a cigarette, might be that one thing that helps them relax.

On the other hand, this picture shows the dedication a smoker might have… sub-zero weather, in shorts and a t-shirt and IV fluid running through a pump (and I doubt the IV has anti-freeze in it.)

Big guy… they put no salt in your food, no fatty butter on your baked potato or English muffin and the meat you eat is more than likely boiled beyond the taste of shoe leather.. it’s all in the name of HEALTHY HABITS!  This isn’t high school where their are groups of jocks and” heads” where the “heads” meet outside to smoke one and listen to The Stones before shop class!  This is a hospital and, besides, it’s below zero!  I sure hope you don’t have wet hair because, if my mother saw ya in shorts and with wet hair outside in that cold, I guarantee you’d hear a voice from the somewhere in the background yelling, “You’re gonna get pneumonia, Ya Jagoff!”

March Madness Defined for Pittsburghers – The Mon Wharf Parking


So we are all in the middle of this thing called March Madness.  To most, it means basketball and and gambling on college basketball games based upon the statistics you think you know, or that you’ve calculated with your buds after a night of drinking or based upon the team names or colors, i.e, you like cats so you choose all of the teams with cat-like nicknames to be in the Final Four.

But, for some Pittsburghers, March Madness means gambling on whether it is worth the chance to park your car at the Mon Wharf on this particular day…. or is THIS the Spring day that the Monongahela River will suddenly rise and your car will get washed away to the Mississippi where, eventually, someone will probably dry it out and sell it at fullmblue-book value without your knowledge.

As most life-long Pittsburghers,  never think TWICE about how crazy it is to have parking right next to a river with absolutely ZERO protection!!!

A totally objective observer might process the Mon Wharf Parking area like this:

There’s a cemented, flat area inside the downtown triangle… the triangle where parking is somewhat limited

It’s at the edge of the river

It’s a mere 3 feet above the normal river level

With a large amount of precipitation, the river rises sometimes with warning, and sometimes not

Despite all of those points, someone chose to make that area a full-time PARKING LOT!!!!!!  Even MORE crazy, downtown workers choose to park there despite all of those points.

What does that say about all of us?

Question:  Drunk or sober, if you’re a guy and you pee’d on an electric fence and received the shock of your life, drunk or sober, would you ever pee on an electric fence again or would your brain be conditioned to avoid the electric fence for the rest of your life?

Along with that mode of thinking, if you parked your car at the Mon Wharf and, even 1 time, had to hurry up and leave work to move your car OR, even worse, find your car partially under water, would you ever park your car AGAIN at the Mon Wharf?

The answer for most seems to be “Yes.” (Especially on a heavy rain day and your still driving the Ford Escort that you drove 10 years ago.)

Keep this story in mind the next time you poke fun at the people in the plains that build new houses every few years due to hurricanes and we all say, “Why would anyone continue to live there?

Thanks for reading.  Good luck in your brackets, Ya Jagoffs!!!