Pens Vs. Sens – Chris Neil Is Our Man

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Last night’s Pens game against the Ottawa Senators was one of the first games in a loooooooooong while that I got to sit down and watch, pretty much, the entire game.  Good game.. good beer…good chocolate cheese cake that was an unmarked restaurant-leftover item sitting in the fridge SCREAMING at me to rescue it and tuck it carefully into my stomach.

The game, the beer, the cheese cake…. all equally enjoyable.  Until……. Well, watch the video below (it’s only 13 seconds long).

So what we see here is a lesson in UNBELIEVABLE PATIENCE exhibited by the Penguins’ Matt Cooke.  He gets pushed, punched and then punched in the face again!  As a result, BOTH guys get penalties.. Cooke, who literally takes an excerpt from the Bible and turns the other cheek.  For that, he gets a 10-minute misconduct penalty.  All this because… well… because he is Matt Cooke!!

If you go read the Ottawa papers and blogs, they are blaming Cooke for cutting Ottawa Senators defenseman Erik Karlsson, Achilles Tendon, with his skate on purpose earlier in the game. ESPN story here.

The bottom line, Chris Neil deserves a post here for acting like…… CHRIS NEIL!  The game officials deserve a post here for penalizing Matt Cooke for…. NOTHING…oh wait.. acting like Matt Cooke USED to act.

Hey NHL officials, you remind me of my parents that, when something happened between my younger brother and I didn’t do anything…they punished ME ’cause I “should have known better” as the older person.  As we reviewed the NHL Rule Book , we actually found page 349, Paragraph 5, subsection 2.4 which is the hardly-known “you should have known better rule” implemented by some NHL hockey moms back in the 1980′s.  Hmmmm, guessing Cookie’s penalty WASN’T stoooooopid, Ya Jagoffs!

And Chris Neil…. probably if you were on our team, we might actually like you… like we “liked” the old Matt Cooke, but, you’re not … sooooo we DON’T!  And, if we had our way, we’d do to you what my parents would have done…. grab you by the short hairs on the back of your neck, twist them, pull them a little harder and then, in a very direct tone tell you, “Keep your hands to yourself,” and then send you to your room, Ya Jagoff!!

Is He Waiting For A “Toe Truck?”

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So you might be asking yourself, “Am I REALLY seeing what I’m seeing?” The same thing went through the mind of the Pitt Student that took the photo at an Oakland bus stop.

Picture yourself, you’re standing there waiting for the bus.  You absolutely know that someone is going to get on the bus with stinky food.  You are fairly certain that someone will get on with a STANKY coat.  But, you make a go of it because you’re a tolerant person and everyone has their issues. But you don’t expect someone touching the handrails with Toe-Jam Hands!

THEN.. while you’re standing there waiting for the bus, this cat takes off his shoe. Then takes off his sock.  And you think to yourself, “Maybe he got his socks wet?“ You then come to realize this guy is running his fingers in and out between his toes… yep..no kidding….right there at the bus stop!

The good news is, we can verify that he did NOT sniff his fingers when he finished!  And yes, we can verify, this really happened.  We only showed a still photo of what occurred because video would have caused one of those He-gagged-and-caused-her-to-gag-Which-caused-ME-to-gag moments.

Hey Pedi-Pete-The-Port-Authority Passenger (say that 3 times fast), thanks very much for having the couth to NOT make this a “nail biting” post!!  We aren’t into scary movies.  But you did make us sit on the edge of our seat wondering if you were going to pull out a hangnail and use it as a toothpick to to clean the “Dirty O” chili bits out of your teeth.

This certainly is not the WORST thing anyone can see in the Oakland area but, we ARE certainly glad that it was the webbing between your toes that was itchy and not the crack of your arse, Ya Jagoff!!

Don’t forget your St. Patrick’s Day Shirts.  Special Orders Only.

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Catching Up On Peter Parkers

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So we’re talking Peter Parkers  today.  And why not?  It’s better than talking about the Pens losing two games to the Jersey boys!!!

It just seems that there is nooooooooooooooooooo end to poor parking skills.  From the volume of parking pics we get, it’s pretty clear that the entire world needs to go through a parking class on some side street in Lawrenceville or Bloomfield while the rest of us shoot paint balls at their cars!

Oh wait….. these pictures above aren’t about people not knowing how to park….they’re more about people being IGNORANT!!!!

For example, this is the email message that came with the photo of the red Cadillac:

While parked at the Office Depot, not only was this Caddy parked like a jagoff…the young ”kid” who walked out of it wasn’t even handicapped!

We’ve certainly made a few suggestions here on how to get people to park more “neighborly” but it doesn’t seem to work.  Maybe we need pictures of the Penguins Brook Orpik painted on all parking spots.  One where he looks like you just called his mom a bad name!  That way, when people get out of their cars and look down, they are forced to stare into those beady eyes of #44 before they leave the car like that.

Wait no!  Lets just get bulldozers and …. ahhhh… never mind!  The insurance guy would HANG US for that!

All we have to say is, stop worrying about your hair, put the make-up and dental floss away, take the puppy off of your lap, throw away the McDonald’s bag full of loose fries sitting on your lap and take 10 seconds to think of someone but yourselves before you throw that car in Park, Ya Jagoffs!!!

 

Thanks to Rich K. (From Ohio, formerly from Alliquippa) and Derek P for being our Jagoff Catchers for today’s post!