The U.S. Postal Service Home Delivery

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(I guess this is kind of a guest blog.  The write-up below is completely in tact from our friend Drew’s Facebook time line.  Except for the “Ya Jagoff” part but, I truly believe it was intended!)

Dear USPS delivery person,

you know that WHITE over-sized envelope you delivered to my front porch that you put in the WHITE blowing snow? Well, I would have never known it arrived if it weren’t for the fact the pizza delivery guy almost stepped on it. The pizza guy said “I wonder why they just didn’t put it between the doors?” Yeah, me too. So just one more question, that civil service test you have to take, do they give the jobs to the high scorers or low scorers… Ya Jagoffs?

Thanks to Drew P for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today!

Here’s the sad part… you KNOW you’re a Jag when the local Pizza Delivery kid is making more sense than you!!!

 

 

Another One for the “Get the !@%$#” Out Files – Parent Jagoffs

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The photo above is Jeff Lenhart, 26, and his wife, 25-year-old Danielle Lenhart walking out of a hearing.  Their 3-year old son was afraid of the dark sooooooooooooooo….

Westmoreland County detectives say on three occasions this summer the couple allegedly drove to Idlewild Park from their Latrobe home.

Investigators say that during the drive they would allegedly fold down the car’s backseat and tell the boy to go look for candy in the trunk. They gave him a flashlight.

Once inside, authorities say the couple would allegedly then put the seat back up until they got to the amusement park.

See full KDKA Story

Yessssss… just the way Mr. Rogers taught how to confront your fears.  Or is it Tony Robbins that teaches us all that confronting your childhood fears of the dark should be done by trapping a kid like a wild raccoon, or even worse, like he’s snipe hunting.

With that kind of thinking, I hope the kid doesn’t admit to being afraid of snakes, fire or swimming.  Hopefully he is smart enough to say he’s deathly afraid chocolate cupcakes, whipped cream and cheesy Consol Energy Center nachos!

Here’s another thing… the parents copped a plea so they went home to… yep, you guessed it… continue to parent their three kids!  Well thank goodness someone looked deep into THEIR parenting skills and deemed them to be competent parents.  Surely they have learned their lesson and now think it’s OK to try other methods  like: putting the kid in his bed, telling him to stay there no matter what and then having one of them pop-out from underneath the bed in an Exorcist mask after letting him fall asleep watching Freddy Kreuger movies.

This kid is gonna be so afraid of “trunks” in the future that he’s not even going to wanna go swimming!!!  Wait, maybe he will be OK, they don’t call them swimming trunks anymore.

Hey Denille and Jeff, I’m not here to call you stooooooooopid.  Actually, I’m here to call you something else.  Hope you enjoyed your quiet, no-kid-bothering-us rides to Idlewild Park….that’s such a great family place for awesome family traditionals like yourselves.  And just so you know, every Western PA parent knows that, the standard parental way of teaching your kids to not be afraid of the dark is taking them to Kennywood to the Noah’s Ark and walking behind them and suddenly screaming or touching their ear, Ya Jagoffs!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Justin Beiber’s REAL Crime

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Who didn’t see THIS coming…. Justin Bieber in trouble.  (CNN Report)

Normally, this blog doesn’t post things that are unrelated to Pittsburgh.  But, as you can see above, our SJU (Special Jagoff Unit) investigators, found the real story.

The Biebs, or, as above, the Miley Cyrus doppelganger, was allegedly drinking and racing a car… not just a normal 19 year-old’s 1982, two-door-piece-of-#@$@… but a Lamborghini.  At 19 he yelled at the cops and then, with no shame, smiled for his mug shot.  But the real crime, as it turns out, Bieber was wearing a Cleveland Browns t-shirt when the police pulled him over!!!

No confirmation yet, but we hear that the Miami prosecutor hopes to move the venue for Bieber’s hearing to Pittsburgh for possible death-penalty considerations or, at least, long term imprisonment in an east Cleveland neighborhood after we tell the locals in the neighborhood that Bieber’s hero is Art Modell.

He Bieb’s… yeah, I feel comfortable calling you that cuz I think we might be buds… there’s no fun in watching a 19-year old kid implode, EXCEPT when that kid is a smart-mouthed-spoiled-take-advantage-of-everyone-cuz-my-mother-chose-sell-me-out-to-make-me-famous-and-make-her-rich-instead-of-teaching-me-manners-and-respect-by-spanking-my-ass-when-I-deserved-it, Ya Jagoff!!!!