Jagoff Parkers Today – Including Something Moscow

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Welcome to the Friday-which-was-supposed-to-be-Thursday’s-but-wasn’t-because-it-didn’t’-get-finished-due-t0-the-internet-outage blog post!  We have another PLETHORA of “Peter Parkers” today.

For those that are new and don’t have a clue what a “Peter Parker” is, here’s our s’planation:

Peter Parker – Well, there’s a nickname for “Richard” that one might use to describe how these people park BUT “Peter” seems like a better word since, this is a family show, AND it flows better ….with Parker so you get, “Peter Parker.”

Let’s get started.

The guy in the pic above, the classic car, caught in the Sheetz in Hampton… maybe he had a case of the “Sheetz Shitz” and didn’t have time to park because, I guarantee that, when he gets that thing to the next car cruise, he knows EXACTLY how to park it so that he even has room for his lawn chairs, umbrella and “How I Restored This Baby” photo album!

And look at this?

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Can ya get any LOWER than parking like a Jagoff at Lowe’s???  Who knows, maybe he is like me, and on his 4th time BACK to the hardware store within an hour for a single project and he was in a hurry.

Then check out our boating friend at the Harmar Giant Eagle Express……betting that he’s the guy that causes the wakes down by the kayak’s too in his “Hey look at me I have so much money I can afford the gas in and SUV AND a SEA-DOO!

 

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But then Arizona checks in with the Element in front of the local pharmacy.  Maybe he wasn’t prepared for when SHE WAS READY… this is more emergent than a beer run!

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You should be quite impressed on the next two!

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Thank GAWD I paid attention in Sister Anecita’s geometry class.  She told me that protractor stuff   would be helpful some day!  (I now feel bad for spit-balling her). Little did she know it would be for a blog about Jagoffs!!  She’d be sooooo proud!

Of course, in typing this, I had NO IDEA how to spell the word “Isosceles” and, when I typed it in wrong, my spell checker popped up with an icon of Sister Anecita who growling and waiving a ruler at my knuckles.

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And since I had to look up the word Isosceles, I figured that I would make good use of it ….using it twice in one blog post.  The Sister Anecita spell checker didn’t pop up the second time but, if she would have, I probably would have sent a spitball her way via my hollowed-out pen…. Just like the old days!

And check this one… ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way from Moscow!!!!

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You’d think that, outside the Kremlin, you’d be responsible about PUTIN your car between the lines!!  (Did you see what I just did there??  PUTIN??)  I actually made my own damn self laugh on that one which means I have a REALLY, REALLY sad life!

And sometimes these things just write themselves…Smart Car and…

 

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Hell, they should have just put that thing into one of those HUMUNGOUS Walmart carts and taken it inside with them!

In closing.. remember.. keep some chalk in your car so that you can take a picture like this:

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Special thanks to @MikeyP3258, @bioengiNERD5, @BigDaddyBlink, @lucylcb, @DanaSheehan, @bp1458 and @LilBitSassy on Twitter and Robert Schuster from Facebook for being our Honorary Jagoff Catchers today!!

 

 

 

 

One day left in our Ya Jagoff SANGwich contest!

There’s a new restaurant coming and YOU get to design the “Ya Jagoff Sandwich” for their menu.

Click the logo for more info.

Chateau Cafe and Cakery

Contest ends Saturday, July 13th, 2013

Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff! – Wigle Whiskey

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Another “Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff!” episode!

We are yakkin with Meredith Grelli, one of the owners of Pittsburgh’s only whiskey distillery!

Do we get to taste test?  Yeeeees we do!

Pittsburgh was once known for whiskey MORE than football!

Who in the heck was John Wigle?

How a family drinking thing  led to them making whiskey!

Click the photo above to watch if the video doesn’t appear below.

Wigle Whiskey is holding their annual Tar and Feather Party this Friday!!!

Click the graphic for details!

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THANKS TO:

For the production!

Check out our new contest!!  

There’s a new restaurant coming and YOU get to design the “Ya Jagoff Sandwich” for their menu.

Click the logo for more info.  

Chateau Cafe and Cakery

Contest ends Saturday, July 13th, 2013

 

Burglar Caught By A Redial Button

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Given the Fourth of July Holiday, we got a little backed up on posting Jagoff stories (insert your very own My-Grandpap-was-always-saying-he-was-backed-up-and-used-an-enema-2-times-each-month joke here.)

This story is just awesome….ya wonder who reminds people like THIS GUY to breathe 20 times every minute so that he can stay alive!

Here’s the Jagoff Digest version:

  • Guy, Jason Comer, ALLEGEDLY pulls into a Sheetz store and asks to use the phone to call for help since he is out of gas!

(Surely, you can see where this is headed.)

  • While in the store, Gomer-Comer ALLEGEDLY decides to grab a change dispenser that is attached to the cash register.

(Here comes the big reveal!)

  • He takes off.. (that is NOT alleged because the tow truck driver he called to help him can verify that they hooked up.. SO TO SPEAK)
  • Police show up, get the story.  Once they are told about the phone call BOOM.. no Quincy, Castle, NCIS or Cyril Wecht needed.  The police officer hits the redial button on the phone and…. (you can read the KDKA/Altoona Mirror story HERE.)

(Insert parody Shaggy song lyrics here “You stole the money from the counter.  Wasn’t me!)

Hey Gomer-Comer, luckily you didn’t steal any Trail Mix because my guess is that you’re a sloppy eater and would have dropped a ton of it all the way to your hiding spot.   Could have been fun to write, “Police were hot on Gomer-Comer’s TRAIL Mix!”  Get it????  (some of these are just for me!)

We’re certainly thanking God that you passed up that bio-nuclear-quantum-nan0-physics job at NASA.  That would have wasting brain power like yours on silly, silly things.  But here you are, using that brain to do GREAT THINGS for the world like… provide us some blog fodder!

A couple of tips for the NEXT burglary….

Plan!  No impromptu missions.  Those who fail to plan, plan to FAIL.  At least make some drawings on a napkin or something!

Have that plan include a getaway car that HAS gas

Get a cell phone so that you don’t have to borrow the BURGAREE’s phone… but be sure to use code-names like “Red Leader” during the conversations in front of the people you are burglarizing.. at least that’s what happens in the movies!

Get a West Penn Triple-A card at least a month BEFORE the burglary

And for crissakes, think twice about stealing a change dispenser, they’re awkward and make lots of CHA-CHINGing noises.  Unless you plan on camouflaging yourself as The Rivers Casino, you’re as obvious as an asthmatic playin Hide-n-Seek on a humid, high-pollen summer day, Ya Jagoff!

 

Check out our new contest!!  

There’s a new restaurant coming and YOU get to design the “Ya Jagoff Sandwich” for their menu.

Click the logo for more info.  

Chateau Cafe and Cakery

Contest ends Saturday, July 13th, 2013