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Aug 8 2011

Parking Lot Jagoff #2

We received an email about this and then it happened the same night!!!!

So you’re in the movie theater or mall parking lot in your car – just trying to go home.  You look left.  You look right.  You look in your review mirror AND, if you’re REALLY GOOD, you look out the back window.  It’s all clear so you start backing up out of the spot.

Then suddenly someone walks behind your car, pushes their shopping cart behind you or speeds by in their car behind you cuz THEIR schedule is far more important than yours.  The funny part is, you slam your brakes, yell or give them a hand jesture and THEY yell back at you as if YOU’RE the jagoff!

So without doing any blaming of the barely 18-year-old-bleach-blonde-unseatbelted-stuck-up-witch-in-your-parents-car that almost took the back of my car home with her, let’s go through some basic criver’s ed:

*  My reverse lights are on

*  My car is backed  1/2 way out of the spot

*  AND my car is moving

That means you need to learn some patience.  Stop your car and sit back and send a few texts to your little friends and give me 30 seconds outta your life to back out of this spot,  YA JAGOFF!

AUTHOR’S NOTE:  If you experience this and you are on your cell phone trying to back out with one hand and a half of brain, YOU are the JAGOFF!

 

Special thanks to Honorary Jagoff Catcher and Facebook follower,

Sharon Walter Hoge, for this post.

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By Jagoff Catcher • Driving Jagoffs, Parking Lot Jagoffs • Comments • Tags: , ,

Aug 6 2011

Default Jagoff!

 

A SPECIAL SATURDAY POST

So they NFL agreement with the players was in jeopardy because ol’ Roggie Babee wanted to be the only person who randomly assesses fines and acts as the appellate court too.

Excerpt from the Washington Post:

Players objected to the idea that Goodell could decide appeals of disciplinary measures imposed by him.

We guess Roggie just wants to be everything, Judge, Jury aaaaannnnnnnnd, YEP, you guessed it, Jagoff.

No wonder why we officially named you Roger Go-ta-Hell, YA JAGOFF!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Football, Roger Goodell • Comments • Tags: ,

Aug 5 2011

Parking Lot Jagoff #1

 

So some have accused us of just being grumpy complainers.  Not so our dear friends!  We see ourselves as pointing out ways that people can be MORE CONSIDERATE of each other by noting the pitfalls.  However, we do see ourselves as smart alecks!

OK, in our past, we would go to shopping malls during Christmas shopping season.  We would walk around the parking lots with large bags as if we had been shopping all day.  Our goal was to try and hook a  “parking creeper” - a driver that would slowly follow us up and down the aisles to get our spot.  Once the “parking creeper” was hooked, we would walk directly to our car,  put our bags in the trunk and then WALK BACK INTO THE MALL!!!  (Yep – that’s how we’re so good at spotting Jagoffs – we used to be such persons.)

We are now older and hate these people.

See photo above: the mall parking lot is crowded.  Everyone  knows it.  A couple in their car sees a lady go to her car and waits patiently for her to back out so that they can have her spot.  The lady getting into HER car sees the car waiting for her spot.  What does she do?  Gets in her car, checks her purse, puts on her make-up, looks in her mirror at the people waiting, takes a drink of her milkshake, puts on lipstick, checks her phone, fixes her milkshake in the cup holder, adjusts her shoe insoles, checks for zits in the rearview mirror, dabs her excess lipstick on a tissue,  etc, etc. almost to the point that the waiting-patiently driver behind her burns out the bulb in his left turn signal!

One thing to say, can ya be a little more INCONSIDERATE?  Pull out of the parking spot, YA JAGOFF!!

 

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By Jagoff Catcher • Driving Jagoffs, Parking Jagoffs, Parking Lot Jagoffs • Comments • Tags: , , , ,

Aug 3 2011

“What Were You Thinking?” (Making this STUPID TV Commercial)

 

So what’s been the most IRRITATING thing the past week?

          The Pirates slipping from first place after doing so good?

          The media coverage of the debt ceiling “crisis?”

For us, it’s this commercial of GANGSTA senior citizens dressed in their Myrtle Beach Retirement clothes acting like they’re going to open up a can of whoop-ass on someone over the loss of healthcare.  If you haven’t seen this fine piece of work yet, take 60 seconds and do so by clicking here.   (It helps with the rest of the post.)

You gotta love the terrible acting…the Tony-Soprano-like line of “REAL bad idea!” or the real-tuff “Did you think we didn’t notice…blah, blah, blah.”

OK, so the healthcare issue is a big deal but is this commercial changing anyone’s mind? 

To the senior actors: we’re glad your employed and, watching this, ALMOST scares us  enough that we think you’re gonna pull a ruler out and crack someone on the BEE-hind BUT are ya thinking anyone watches this commercial and wants to do ANYTHING other than hit the remote’s OFF button?

Hey, Coalition to Protect America’s Health Care, with one commercial, you have managed to get us to beg for the return of cheap political commercials that show fuzzy, scandalous photos of their opponent with their eyes bulging out of their head or explain how their opponent isn’t qualified to hold an office cuz he once used his bicycle to run over a picture of Jesus when he was 7 years old, or, EVEN WORSE,   those high-integrity car dealer commercials where they ride donkeys, pop balloons, scream and stomp like crazed maniacs  as they display their lack of self-pride just to hock some cars, YA JAGOFFS!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Commercials • Comments • Tags: ,

Aug 1 2011

Our FIRST Batman Movie Jagoff


This is the kind of story that makes us GLAD we started this page. It’s EVERYTHING we expected in a story.

As I turned on the 10pm news last night as background noise while trying to figure out what the next Jagoff post was going to be, up it came.  Like Jesus’ likeness on toast or a garage wall.

(Insert angel noises here)

A news story about Micah Calamosca of the high-society-Shadyside section of the City. Seems that Micah felt that he needed a car Sunday afternoon and is not aware of the ZIP CARS. So he jumped in a random car that was already running.  Unfortunately the car was a police vehicle and was occupied – BY AN PLAINCLOTHES POLICE OFFICER!

When the law enforecment officer identified himself, Micah simply told the guy he was part of the Batman Movie filming that is currently taking place and that he was supposed to steal a card according to the script!

Micah, we’re not sure if you’re a huge idiot OR a quick-on-your-feet GENIUS.  We give you an “A” for effort on that excuse.

But RIDDLE ME THIS my dear Micah-Bruce-Wayne-Wanna-be, “Can Micah Calamosca the Shadyside millionaire playboy, industrialist, and philanthropist and Micah-the-snake-charming-car-jacker truly co-exist?  Please format your answer in  the form of a question (a la Jim Carey, Riddler from Batman Forever, 1995), YA JAGOFF!!!

NOTE: We think you should have told the cop you were making one of those silly Sears Optical TV commercials CLICK HERE if not familiar.

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By Jagoff Catcher • Batman Jagoffs, Movie Jagoffs • Comments • Tags: , , , ,

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