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Aug 15 2011

Pittburgh Traffic Woes and Backhoes!

Can anything be more of a patience test than sitting in Oakland traffic at rush hour?  You come off the Parkway ramp at 55 MPH (we wrote 55 just in case there are any State Troopers reading this) and you know that feeling of free-moving freedom is going to end right there on Forbes Avenue!

But this?  A backhoe, LITERALLY in the middle of traffic at 8:30am!!  Can he get that thing in gear easily? NO!  Can anyone try and negotiate around him?  NOPE!  Once we passed him, I noticed he had a “My OTHER Car Is A Triple-Trailer Semi” bumper sticker along with the obligatory Pittsburghers’ Outter Banks sticker.

Seriously, is there a ditch that needs to be dug by 10am somewhere?  Can you NOT find a time AFTER rush hour to drive on some of the most crowded rush hour streets?

This is “Traffic SPAM!!!!  At least the Batman people warned us about the “Traffic SPAM” they were gonna cause.

Hey, Mr. Backhoe Traffic SPAMMER, whaddaya say you start the morning slowly: go get yourself a donut and a coffee, talk about football with your dump truck buddy, pass around the newspaper in the Dunkin’ Donuts bathroom with the handheld sign-turner guy,  make your calls to the 811 DIG line and then have at it on the roads at about 9:30 AND, if there’s somd kind of RUSH HOUR DITCH EMERGENCY, send in a “BACKHOE STRIKE TEAM” ahead of you - apprentices on motorcycles with fold-up Outter Banks beach shovels that can get the ditch started, YA JAGOFF!

 

See our previous post about a backhoe in rush hour traffic HERE!

Get your very own “Don’t Be A Jagoff” T-shirt HERE and don’t forget to add yourself to our email list – NO SPAM, just blog updates!

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Aug 12 2011

Verizon Strikers

This blog calls out people/things that make Pittsburgh look bad.  Well, the Verizon strikers have finally pushed our button.  The final straw: they actually locked replacement workers in a building with chains and a padlock (see WTAE story here). REALLY??  This is like locking “Little Johnny” in the coat room back in grade school cuz he wore flood pants!

Let’s set the record straight on a few points first:

1) We are not Union haters

2) We hate when corporate Jagoffs take advantage of the workers i.e. US Airways employees or move jobs overseas

3) We believe there are two sides to every Jagoff story and we do not know the finer details of THIS story

4) Our hardly-ever-used landline house phone is still on the wall ONLY because we don’t know what else to hang in its place (like most houses, we don’t really use it)

5) We believe the Verizon workers have the right to strike

On the other hand, is THIS how ADULTS should act ESPECIALLY when trying to be taken seriously in a work disagreement?

Is yelling, pushing, flashing muscles, intimidating other adults, that are trying to look out for their own families, REALLY how you want to be seen on TV or are some of you auditioning for the next West Side Story run at the Benedum Center or even the Batman movie fight scenes?

Is the fact that the CEO of Verizon makes more-than-you-think-he-should  a reason to elbow and spit on the same co-worker that brought in the awesome buffalo chicken dip and pita chips for the ”Super Bowl Friday” Steelers party 6 months ago?

Oh wait, are you the same adults that are supposed to be teaching “NO BULLYING” to the kids?  This isn’t the steel strike of 1919!!!

Verizon landline workers, do what ya gotta do by striking but ALSO think of where these groups are today:  the typewriter builders who refused to see the PC coming and the abacus builders and Chismbop salesman who refused to recogize the electronic calculator. (Ya might wanna be a little flexible.)

We say, stand around, wave your signs, chant your chants and be proud and holdtrue  to your beliefs but there is NO RATIONAL JUSTIFICATION you can make, as adults, for your embarassing Lock-Johnny-in-the-coat-room-DePants-Jeffy-the-geek-Push-the-books-outta-the-freshmans-arms-Wet-willy-Mary’s-ear-Give-Jimmy-a-wedgy-Steal-Alan’s-lunch-money-Slap-a-KICK-ME sign-on-Sam-Shove-Louie-in-a-locker-High-school-bully activity, YA JAGOFFS!

 

As a side note:

We agree, the CEO probably needs to suck it up and take a pay cut too but, our guess is, most of you who are begrudging the CEO’s $20 million a year for being responsible for over 100,000 employees will be the same people that would complain if the Steelers didn’t give Ben Roethlisberger or Troy Polamalu $45 million dollars to play 16 regular season football games!

 

Photo credit: Bob Donaldson/Post-Gazette

 

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Aug 11 2011

Is The Legal Driving Age 6 or 16? (OOOPS! The Car-car Has A Boo-Boo)

This is another one of those, “WHAT MAKES SOMEONE THINK THIS IS OK” posts!!!!  You know, one of those “Awwwwwww, come on now” moments that my grandmother was famous for.  Apparently this lady has the only PA Drivers Guide with a typo in it!

You can click the graphic above for the WPXI version of the story but the summary is:

*  Rebecca Karen Beatty of the Ambridge area says, “Hmmmmm, that Jagoff parked too close to MY car and now I can’t get in.”

*  She then rationalizes to herslef that it’s PERFECTLY FINE to let her 6 year-old niece jump in the car and help ol’ Auntie Becky out by backing the car out of the parking spot (HECK, she drives the Kennywood Park Turnpike ride like a CHAMP!)

*  The end result was NOT the optimum result but PROBABLY the EXPECTED result – lots of damaged cars, an emotionally traumatized little girl and Auntie Becky proving why adults should need a license to take care of kids (smile for the mugshot Auntie!)

Auntie Becky – let’s think of a few alternatives to your decision that a LICENSED kid-handler might have made:

1)  Go and try to find the other driver

2)  Wait for the other driver (and while you wait you key their car)

3)   Call Triple-A or the local police for help

4)   Call Weight Watchers (but that would take to long so just slim down INSTANTLY with 3 XXL Grilled Stuft Burritos from TacoBell – there’s a reason why they’re on the EXPRESS MENU)

5)   Take a photo of the car.  Put a note on it notifying the driver to look for their car on www.YaJagoff.com then go into a Brighton Hot Dog Shoppe and have a snack until your able to get in your car!(BRILLIANT! See Previous Similar Post HERE)

We can just see it now when the niece is 16, “Hey Auntie Becky, remember that one time when….uhm….. NEVER MIND!”  And then there’s ten more years of “Mommy, can I go with Auntie Becky to….uhm .. NEVER MIND!” And you can just hear her at Kennywood Park, “Whaddaya mean I’m NOT tall enough to ride the bumper cars, I did this FOR REAL, buster!”  But it certainly makes for a great, “What I Did On My Summer Vacation” paper for the little girl.

Aunty Becky, if by any chance you are a dump truck driver, helicopter pilot or a bulldozer or crane operator, PLEASE stay home on “Take Your Child To Work” Day, YA JAGOFF!

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Aug 10 2011

Which Way We Going? Another Jagoff Driver!

Ya know when you are sitting in your car in multiple lanes of stand-still traffic and you start to daydream then the car next to you pulls forward and you PANIC thinking that your car is drifting backwards so you stomp on the break pedal?  Well, that’s KIND OF  what happened here.

We received this email the other day:

“I was driving on Route 22 heading towards Murrysville.  As I passed the on-ramp for the Turnpike on the other side of the road, a jagoff in a black minivan was backing up on 22 because
he missed the entrance!  As it is illegal to back up on any road regardless if you use the shoulder or not, he did it!  He also turned his van and took both lanes up.  He created a cluster @#$@#”

Seems that our man in the black mini-van missed at least 3 different signs pointing him to the Turnpike including one that’s ONLY about 4′ x 4′ with an extra arrow pointing to the on ramp that says TURNPIKE!

So because we give everyone a fair chance to defend themselves, we found Mr. Minivan and asked him directly WHY he was backing up the wrong way during rush hour causing a panic.  Was it because he was on the phone and yelling at the kids to turn the DVD player down while trying to hold his EZ PASS up to the windshield and at the same time trying to tune in DVE’s  Mike Prisuta’s “Steelers Report from Latrobe?”

Gosh no!  As it turns out, Mr. Minivan drives EVERYWHERE backwards.  He told us that driving backwards keeps him from racking up the mileage on he and the wife’s pleasure van so that, when they trade it in on an updated 1998 model, they can get more than Blue Book for it!

Hey Mr. Minivan, we suggest, driving backwards, ESPECIALLY during rush hour on busy roads, is somewhat of a hazard to your health AND your minivan’s Blue Book value.  In the meantime, we have requsted PENNDOT and the Turnpike Commission to install more signs that say, “Just In Case You Missed The Last 7 Signs For The Pennsylvania Turnpike and Don’t Have a Nagging Wife or Female GPS Voice To Tell You How To Drive, THIS IS YOUR EXIT, YA JAGOFF!”

 

Special thanks to our Honorary Jagoff Catcher on this, Facebook follower, Gina Hanlon Oslick for this tip! 

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Aug 9 2011

Hot Dog Work-Lunch Jagoff

This Facebook post came accross and we honestly laughed out loud (LOL for you NON-Initial-buffs).

“Today was Hot Dog Thursday at work. One of my co-workers had 5 dogs. I didn’t have a chance to get any and I didn’t bring lunch.”

The subsequent posts included:

“I posted a pic on your wall. It’s damn close to what he actually looks like. If there was any food left I would have been glad to include that pic. Sadly there is nothing left. Nothing. I think he might have shot the condiments right from the bottles directly into his yap……. I am freaking starving right now!!

The submitted photo (above) was PERFECT since we have a rule that we won’t post people’s actual faces unless their famous.

Who DOESN’T know that person at work that will eat 4 helpings of the free buffet, bring their kids in for the company cookout, take a doggie bag home from the employee cover-dish or even eat someone else’s food out of the work fridge??  Unfortunately because of this, our Facebook friend was relegated to  walking around his work place trying to figure out who might have a stick of gum or, even worse, trying to figure out who might have a bag of 2010 Halloween candy hidden in the bottom of someone’s desk drawer.  All because his coworker thought he was in the  Nathan’s Hot Dog eating trials!!!

Five Hot Dogs at work??  Hey Mr.Takeru Kobayashi “wanna-be,”  the Pittsburgh Pirates have an All-You-Can-Eat section that includes hot dogs.  Take some of your First Communion money, get a ticket and go eat everything in site so that our man John can get a morsel or two from the work lunch.  We hope you had a helluva NITRATE HEADACHE at your desk, YA JAGOFF!

 

Thanks to Honorary Jagoff Catcher and Facebook Follower, John Rogers for his tip!!

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