The Jagoff Coffee Table Leg in The Dark



I was walking around in an unfamiliar hotel room and just ASSUMED that I could navigate it, in the dark without my glasses and lights.  I was wrong.

CRUNCH….outta no where I banged my pinky-toe on a coffee table leg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that Pittsburgh fashion blogger, Alex Duffy (Duffy Dossier), despises the over use of exclamation points but, this particular moment deserves everyone of those SOAPWORD things.  If exclamation points could be CAPITALIZED, I would have done that too.  This toe-into-the-coffee-table thing hurt.

I don’t know if it was the shock of what happened or real pain, but I punched my self in the eye, ran the middle of my shin into the same coffee table and gave myself an no-anesthetic appendectomy with a plastic knife just to make the pinky-t0e pain go away.

And it’s not like I haven’t banged this same toe on a table leg or toy before.  You’d think I would learn a lesson to not navigate in a strange room without a free  Flashlight App.   I’ve banged the same toe so many times that its mangled and twisted to the point of not being able to show it in public.  People say, “Use your insurance and get it fixed.”  To that I say, it’s like that car you had in college.  When the fender and doors were bashed in, did you use the insurance money that you got, from the guy that hit you, to fix your car or to buy beer?  The same thing here… screw the toe fixing… I’d rather have beer.

But this whole story brings me to one simple question.  To Levin’s, Perlora, Value City, Room Concepts and the keeper of the furniture in the back corner of Pool City behind the chlorine and the smart kids at CMU, can someone please engineer a coffee table that has “inny” table legs that are under the CENTER of the table vs. the outside edge or put pinky-toe-friendly rubber-baby-buggy-bumpers on the legs of these things, Ya Jagoffs??


Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff! – Justin Roach, Pittsburgh Designer



Welcome to our weekly “Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff!” segment.

We are yakkin’ with photographer/graphic designer/photo manipulator/Instagram king Justin Roach.  He did some work for Snoop Dog but you have to see his pics of the Pittsburgh area. I wonder if he will introduce me to Snoop?

Click the pic below to get to Justin’s Flickr page for more pictures.


And be one of his BA-ZILLION followers on Instagram.


For the production!

My Mustang Got Run Over By A Reindeer


Yeah.. it’s deer season. I know to expect some awkward sightings on the highways.  But this??????????????   A deer on the back of a mustang… is that some kind of new aerodynamic thingy?

Ya know… I don’t get the hole hunting thing.  I actually prefer walking into the local grocery store to buy some meat vs. getting up early, sitting in the cold and spraying myself with animal urine.  But, I respect those who enjoy hunting and fishing.

Well… except for this hunter.  Do you think this mustang-deer-carcass-haulin’ hunter/driver also has Ugg hunting boots from Little’s Shoe Store in Squirrel Hill and Burberry accessorized hunter orange matching belt and gun bag?

I’m sure your fellow commuters appreciate this too. I swear I saw a similar scene last week in The Walking Dead.

Hey Mustang Sal E (yeah I just did that) or is it Mustang Sam?  I realize most hunters head off to the tree stand with big dreams  of bagging a deer but with the reality that they will only go home with an empty chili crock-pot.

Since you have that thing strapped to YOUR car, it makes me wonder what were your other hunting buddies driving.. bicycles, smart cars and skateboards? You’d think at least SOMEONE you went hunting with would have had some kind of truck to haul that carcass home or at least and old carpet to roll it up like De Niro in Goodfellas style , Ya Jagoff!


Thanks to @msCarroll63 on Twitter for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today.