Quotes On The Bus

Every Saturday this spot is dedicated to things overheard on one of the Port Authority buses of Allegheny County.  Thanks to the AWESOME Michael Nac, creator of QUOTES ON THE BUS for his posts each week!

“I smoke crack. Yeah, I do, when I can afford it. I am going now to pick some up. In the cemetery by the fish pond.” 93

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If you want to contribute your own quote overheard on a bus, send to michaelcnac@gmail.com

You Paid WHAT To Go To The Concert?

Kenny Chesney is here tomorrow night!!!  In honor of that, here is a repost from LAST YEAR’s concert so that you all know what to look for at this year’s parking lot mess!

As expected, there were a few “Concert Jagoffs” at the recent Kenny Chesney show Saturday night. The local news showed a bunch of them that got arrested for fighting. (Yes, and we should sell beer at Kennywood cuz adults know how to control their liquor consumption in the hot sun around other adults, RIGHT?)

But this guy, we will call him Bucky like we do all concert Jagoff males, takes the prize!! He’s proof that, in the age of smart phones, your close friends are you close friends at least UNTIL you do something stupid enough worthy of posting on the internet!!!!

Can ya hear it?

Bucky’s Friends: “Hey, we just defended your honor.”

Bucky (Fake Name): “Oh, cool!”

Bucky’s Friends: “Yeah. Someone said you weren’t even good enough to sleep with the trash and we said, yes you are and sent them this picture to prove it .”

When you look at this picture, you think to yourself, “Wow, what ever happened to getting just-drunk-enough that you start telling everyone you love them, you started dancing alone in a corner fist-pumping and you started showing your buddy’s girlfriend how good you are at tying a cherry stem into a knot with your tounge?”

So you pay half of your mortgage payment on a concert ticket, invest in 27 bags of Doritos, pitch in for 4 kegs of beer, get the little lady a new blouse and cowboy hat, pay 1/3 of your mortgage payment to park, spend all afternoon singing “Kinny” songs getting fired up for the show and then………………..BLAM!!! Here you are in a position so compromising that your friends LEAVE YOU behind for dead or, even worse, help load your passed-out body into a random pick up truck bed AFTER and only after, they snap this pic of you sleeping on the cement!!!!

Bucky (not your REAL name), this photo is your friends teaching you a lesson through a newly approved Behavioral Change Methodology Phone App that we created called, TPE (Total Public Embarrassment).

We’re, not sure when you woke up from this but we’re guessing you had some serious gravel stuck to the side of your face when you did and enough pock marks to make you look like Bill Murray.
We’re also guessing you may have woken up with the munchies, took one look at the trash behind you, and said to yourself “Who dropped me off at the Eat n Park buffet?” as you started eating!!!

All we know is, in the future, be careful who you call a “friend.” Always be careful where you fall asleep. And, the big one is, stay away from the sissy, fruity BLENDER DRINKS the next time, ESPECIALLY if you’re wearing a plaid shirt, Ya Jagoff!!!!

 

So go enjoy the concert and for CRISSAKES keep those cameras handy!!

 

Driving Cell Phone Users

So I’m driving on I-279 toward the city.  Traffic is slow in the fast lane!  Is it a bus, is it some kind of tractor in the fast lane holding us up?  NOPE.

It’s THIS guy driving in the fast lane at 40mph just yick-yakin’ away with his hands going faster than he’s driving!!!!

Hey, I use my cell phone CONSTANTLY while I’m driving.  Sometimes even to take pictures (example here).  But one thing I can say is that I DON’T lose consciousness while I’m on the cell phone.

Big guy, if ya can’t WALK AND CHEW GUM at the same time, ain’t  no way your gonna accomplish driving and talking at the same time.  Unless yer last name is “Passing,” this lane ain’t yours so either get outta the way or go get yourself an Ohio license plate which would make driving slow in the fast line LEGAL , YA JAGOFF!