How To Get A Guy To Watch The Royal Birth Coverage

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Something a little different today……

Approximately 2 billion people watched Kate Middleton marry Prince William on TV.  For perspective, 130 million people typically watch the NFL Superbowl.

Maybe a little less, but still a global majority, have been glued to TV, Facebook and Twitter awaiting the results of the Royal Birth.   My guess…. most of those were female.  A small percentage of them were senior citizen men, married greater than 45 years, who sat with their wives and PRETENDED that cared, but were secretly sleeping.  (Like they pretend to enjoy going to the grocery store and end up in the parking lot sleeping in the car.)

Here are my thoughts on how to increase the number of males interested in the Royal Birth:

Start a “Royal Uncle” Fantasy League – choose the best 8 male celebrities who you believe will be sober, bathed, shaved and available to be in London the next 3 months.

Coordinate betting on the chances that one of the groomsman, from when Kate and William  got married,  shows up to hold the baby, for the first time, with one of the Royal bachelor party strippers AS HIS FIANCE.

Full Screen ThongCam –  following Kate’s sister, Aunt Pippa, around the hospital….

Name the baby Big Ben and NOT after the iconic clock! From Jay McCullough

They plan to name the kid after a food item, like Nachos or Pizza or Beer Heather Thompson

Highlights of sideline cheerleaders and large-bellied, drunk, hairy men, lining the roads outside the hospital, that have their naked torso’s painted with “GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS Baby Prince.”

Have all female viewers make the SLIGHTEST hint, that “Special Favors” could be available that evening if her man watches the Royal Birth coverage with her (picture Pavlov’s dog here watching the baby coverage because the dog doesn’t know she’s really lying.)  From Mary Fran Coulter

Fart monitors in the hospital maternity ward waiting room chairs and a GoPro camera mounted in the corner…..all seats wired with sensors that immediately trigger an on-screen, green-cloud graphic over the head of anyone in the waiting room that passes Royal gas.  Then take bets on “Who ate it?”

Now THAT’s how you get a guy to be interested in the Royal Baby Coverage, Ya Jagoffs!

 

What are your suggestions on making the Royal Baby reporting  “guy friendly?”  Comment below.

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Cincy Reds Announcer Says Jeff Locke Sucks – Live Mic!

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OK… if you’re gonna jump on the Pirates’ bandwagon, ya have to stick up for them when someone makes an attack!   So let’s become the band of brothers.. or… at least a band of racing pierogies.

During yesterday’s Cincy/Pirates’s game, Reds announcer, Thom Brennaman, whose dad is a Hall of Fame announcer, says “This guy sucks!” over an open mic when referring to Pirate’s pitcher, Jeff Locke who, by the way, beat the Reds!  You can see the video on a website called Awful Announcer, here.

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So far, no phony apology has been issued and we don’t expect one.  And also no word, from his dad, on whether he was going to pull the short-hairs of his neck and soap his mouth when he got home.

We fully anticipate that he will produce a statement stating that, when he said that, he was talking to his broadcast partner about his hair stylist … which is plausible because , as is apparent from the pic above, he/she still lives in the 70’s and DOES suck!!!  Oh well, between beaned batters and this, finding a way to really rank Cincy up there with Philly when it comes to class in sports.  I still won’t talk bad about the 3-way Skyline Chili!!

Hey Tom.. notice we wrote TOM vs. THOM which could easily be misinterpreted as THONG.. which is something that covers the part of the body that you seem to TALK OUT OF…  we just opened a new Jagoffds non-credit course at CCAC.  You might want to enroll .  It’s called  “I Have No Idea Why Nobody Can Figure This Out But  Always Assume A Hot Mic So Don’t Say Anything Stupid And Don’t Tweet Pictures of Your Junk Unless It’s a Picture of Your Nasty Garage 201,” Ya Jagoff!

Don’t Forget To Order Your T-shirt

Click the pic below to see the store.

 

Thanks to these Twitter Followers @mikevukkdka@TheNotoriousJWT  and @TheKennyM  for sending over the  Thom Brennaman video  link within .o248921 seconds of asking for it last night!

Bathroom Jagoffs Guest Blog Post

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This post has been brewing in my head for months, but I didn’t think a bathroom rant would appropriately fit on my blog about my kids (’lil Burghers). It made me think, these really are stories about bathroom Jagoffs

Usually, I am a really nice person, so it’s hard for me to identify Jagoffs around me. Okay, we all can identify our parking jagoffs and on the road jagoffs. But, the most annoying Jagoff I’ve encountered has to be the bathroom Jagoffs.

No, I’m not about to tell the (over told) stories of women whining about pee on the seat, mis-looped toilet paper, or un-flushed potties. The Jagoffs I am talking about are the ones who do really annoying things that don’t belong in private let alone public bathrooms.

Take for instance the “take a business call while doing business” Jagoff. Admit it, most of us are guilty of sneaking a Facebook browse or round of Candy Crush Saga in while taking a quick break. But, the bathroom is not the place to answer a phone call. I was recently “trapped” in a stall because someone else took a business call (even saying they had to flush) and I didn’t want to be so rude as to flush my own toilet. Don’t be that Jagoff.

Another favorite of mine is the ”Peeker”. People, I am in there doing my business, and don’t think I can’t see you peeking in through the cracks of my stall. If you are looking to see if I’m doing business while doing business, get over it (you’re right, but probably also guilty if you know to look, ahem).

Surely you’ve met the Jagoffs who shut the door in your face, think they own the counter space, or leave water on the sinks, right?

Alright Pittsburghers, let’s not be these kind of Jagoffs. Get in, do your thing in privacy, and get out. Don’t be talking to me through the stall do or forgetting to courtesy flush,  YA JAGOFFS!

 

Becky is a blogger at ‘lil Burgher .When she’s not busy with work, her kids, or blogging, she’s tweeting as @mrsgregwillis and watching out for Jagoffs.

See our other Bathroom Jagoff post..click the pic below.

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