These Cork Screw WHINERS Turned Themselves In!!

Photo Credit:wtae.com

This post is a FIRST!!!  We have NEVER had a Jagoff turn themselves in… let alone an entire GROUP looking for a public mea culpa!

Not 100% sure but this submission, coming in during Lent, sure sounds like Catholic guilt… kinda like the guilt I used to feel when Sister Mary Mengele used to just stare at me in 8th grade until I admitted to every sin I  had committed since the FIRST grade then rolled up in the corner crying and sucking my thumb with pee pants from fear!!!

Here’s the email that came with the above photo:

A bunch of Millvale Jagoffs showed up at the Millvale Wine Festival AND DIDN’T BOTHER TO BRING A CORKSCREW!!

Not necessarily a complete tragedy BUT it makes the whole group look pretty stupid when everyone at the Millvale Wine Festival is walking around sipping wines while this entire group is standing around holding their un-open bottles… like the kid who forgot his school lunch while every other kid is sucking down PB&J sandwiches and Little Debbie snacks!

And just like the kid in school who waived his sandwich under your nose saying,”You getting hungry yet?” we can see the rest of the Millvalians walking around the festival, “Oh Buffy, look at those sad folks over there holding their bottles.  My GAWD, must be those LOWER-MIVALLIANS who are used to drinking wine from a screw-top bottle or, even worse, A BOX!!!

Have ya ever had that sick feeling of getting 3-blocks away from home and realizing that you left the Pens, Pirates or Steelers tickets sitting on the kitchen table and you have to turn the car around to go back for the tickets?  Well, these people DIDN’T get that feeling about a cork screw.. not one outta six of them got that sick feeling!!

Hey Sandy, Claudia, Tricia, Joy and John, we hope that this post helps you all to move on with your lives and stop whatever self-imposed Grade-School-Nun-like punishments you have inflicted upon yourselves since the Millvale Wine Festival!  And, by the way, Millvale Wine Festival???  Do the people in Fox Chapel and O’Hara Township know the proletariats of Millvale do this kind of thing and have they authorized this activity??

We suggest staying away from the “Wine Festival.” It’s clearly too complicated for all of you.

Whaddaya say we just stick to the SIMPLE activities in Millvale… like munching down a brown bag lunch, along with some  Yetter’s Candy, guzzling a case of  Iron Cit Beer and inhaling boat motor fumes while watching boats go in and out of the Millvale Marina!

As a note, get the Iron City CANS…that way nobody is responsible for a beer tap or bottle opener, Ya Jagoffs!!

Click the pic to see how to order your own hoodie!!!

Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff! – Bryan and Mike (The Cell Helmet Guys)

Welcome to our weekly “Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff!” segment.

We’re yakkin’ with Bryan McHenry and Mike Kane of Cell Helmet Fame!

(They’re gonna be on ABC’s Shark Tank this Friday night, 9pm!)

What in theeeee hell is a Cell Helmet?

What was the result of the Shark Tank show?

How did the company start?

What was the result of the Shark Tank show?

Is it true that Mark Cuban made his BILLIONS from Cuban Cigars?

What was the result of the Shark Tank show?

You are all welcome to attend the viewing party this Friday night.

Pizza and wings and BEER!!!!  OH MY!!!!

Rick’s Sports Bar & Grill in Murrysville (click the logo for directions)

Click here for the Cellhelmet Website

THANKS TO:

For the production!

Don’t forget to subscribe to our Ya Jagoff  YouTube Channel.

If you need to get caught up, here are some previous episodes (Click the Pics to watch)

 

Parking Jagoffs From Perth to Pittsburgh!

 

While the “Head-up-your-arse“ parking issues continue here in Pittsburgh, it is great to know that we are not alone!!  We call these people “Peter Parkers.

The photo at the very top comes to us aaaaaaaaaall the way from Perth, Australia.. via a Perth-based-Pittsburgh-fan.  And the second photo comes from the Cranberry area, which takes about as long to get to as Perth, from Downtown Pittsburgh, during the evening rush hour and more than 14-19 snowflakes fall on Interstate 279.

So in the top photo, our Aussie friend seems to have found a person that is under the impression that their TRUCK is a SMALL CAR!  Since it was not apparent to this driver that the wall clearly “Small Cars Only,” we chose to highlight it with our Jagoff-estrator technology. Gawd knows, those dark letters on a light wall are pretty hard to see.

We think this driver needs to get an appointment with our favorite optometrist, Dr. I. Lidd, for one of those tests on the machine they put up against your face then mess with your mind by sliding all the lenses in front of your eyes at a rapid fire pace and asking, “Which way is better? This way? Or THIS way? Number 1 or Number 2?

Then the Cranberry Character…. just in case the issue is as unclear to YOU as it was to this driver.. we pointed out his “Trifecta of Jagoffery,” once again, with the Jagoff-estrator.

Hey Mr. Down-unda, otherwise known as Mr. I-don’t-really-Four-wheel-As-a-matter-of-fact-I-hate-it-when-my-shiny-truck-even-gets-a-little-bit-dirty-But-I-bought-it-to-overcompensate-for-OTHER-small-things-in-my-life, no fair considering your kids’ Hot Wheels toy cars, that are jammed underneath your seat, as a reason to park in that spot, Ya Wanker!!! (Australian term = to Jagoff!)

And Cranberry Character, those lines underneath your car are supposed to be a point of reference… and we don’t mean as a CENTERING LINE like 747!

Put your car in ONE SPACE unless your a stepladder sales rep and had to leave room for unloading your 10, 12 and 18 foot step ladder samples, Ya Jagoff!!! (Pittsburgh term  = to Jagoff)

 

Thanks to @Beaup33p From Australia and @Patrick D for being our Honorary Jagoff Catchers. 

Patrick D just happens to be the Editor for the The BroCouncil Website . Check ‘em aht!

Get your hoodie!

Click the pic to see how to order yours!!!