Another Plethora of “Peter Parkers” From All Over

ANOTHER Peck of “Peter Parkers” …just in time to lead us into the Holiday Weekend!  As has been said before,  the inbox, Twitter feedFacebook and Instagram feeds have been busy.  By the way, if you don’t understand the  ”Peter Parker” reference, click here “Peter Parkers.”

It’s clear that people all over the place have no idea how to park and, in some cases, completely lack courtesy.

Now pay attention as you go through this because, at the end, we have a new Jagoff Catching Challenge.

First up, Dormont.  We can just picture this person, doing their best to back into this spot, but, being sooooooooooooooooo bad at backing up, that they zig-zag from left to right 29 times within 7 feet!  And, somehow, they end up straight but have no idea where they are on earth in relation to other cars.

 

And what has to be said about the next Jagoff, from Cherry City area, parked in front of a NO PARKING sign and ON TOP of a No Parking sign!!!  Really????  I can see their excuse, “ I didn’t see the sign on the ground!” Well, that’s probably right because you’re directly on top of if Ya Jagoff!

And then look at this.

The pizza delivery guy is training to be a State Trooper in that, he parks HIS car like one… behind the other car, just in case he has to peel out when they make a run for it while he’s giving them a “You Parked Great citation!

And now this…..blocking 2 cross walks and one fire hydrant!

It’s basically the trifecta of Jagoffery!  Well, at least I thought so.  But then I did some investigating and found out this car model has dog instincts.  You can actually shove rawhide bones under the hood every once in a while but you live in hell for the next 24 hours while the car spurts out horrible flatulence!

But this one is THEEEEEEE bestest!  And the reasons are, it comes all the way from Hawaii AND the Jagoff Catchers “Photobombed” their Peter Parker pic!  How awesome that???  It’s their brush with greatness.

 

Sooooo with all of this going on, what are we to do?  Clearly blogging about this gets nowhere!

Well wait no longer!!  Here’s a sample photo that a Facebook follower, Tom Link posted on the wall.  It’s a great photo because of the personalized notations.

And then THAT gave me an idea… get everyone to start carrying chalk!  And then, notate the parking space as is simulated by our Jagoff-estrator in the pic below and BOOM!.. there ya have it, smartphone pic for a life time!!!

So which one of you will cast the first CHALK STICK????  And remember, don’t touch anyone else’s car…. but feel free to draw around it…(no mouth- soap-washing words please.)So the challenge is on.  Who will be the first to show a sample of parking lot version of our Jagoffestrator?

In the meantime, if you’re a driver that has no clue as to how to park, start taking the bus and get the hell out of OUR way, Ya Jagoffs!!

 

Special thanks to @Spode411 and @nskalos58, (Twitter), Tony Link, Scott B., Colleen F. and her Brother Dan F. (Facebook) and  @ndromb@808norit from Instagram, for being Honorary Jagoff Catchers for today’s blog post!!!

 

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Church Going Jags.. (Catholics Will Love This)

I am not sure where to begin because while practicing our Faith and being “good Christians” we as a group, show more jagoffery then we should.

CCD Traffic
The parking lot is a good place to start. For a better part of the CCD year it is DARK outside by 6:00. CCD starts at 7:00. The streets around my parish are full of people bobbing and weaving in VEHICLES. My guess is that they are in such a rush to have their kids educated religiously they lose the concept of rules of the road, safe driving, and that there are- on average- 80 kids heading into the building. Pick up at 8:30 multiplies this by 100. People are swerving around kids trying to climb into their cars, and spinning into spots Dukes of Hazard style so they aren’t late to retrieve their offspring.
Church Parkers
Parking for mass is only a problem (at my parish) on holidays. However, it literally drives me mad when people park in the DRIVE THRU lane. It is marked in big painted letters so that when you decide to talk to your old neighbor about gardening and how her son in college is after mass, we aren’t sitting in our car waiting for you to move. Not parking lane, DRIVE THRU.

Mass Goers
Mass itself: No one owns any pews. We do not sponsor pews(yet), your name is not on the pew, and if by some act of the Big Guy himself, we beat you to mass, don’t waste the service boring your eyes into my skull so I get the drift that you claimed that pew. I don’t pay attention to where you sit. Ever. If we are making territories- I can bring some pee in a cup and sprinkle it around so you KNOW I marked that pew as ours. So far we aren’t taking it to that level.

Reading the bulletin during mass and especially during the homily makes you a jagoff. You might as well have stayed home. I will admit there are some weeks I feel like the priest is speaking directly to me, others where I am wondering how he is going to tie all the stuff he is talking about to the homily, and others where I am so out of it I am debating if I turned the bathroom light off. However, I am always respectful, quiet, eyes turned forward, even if my mind isn’t all there. Are you that desperate to know when the Knights of Columbus are hosting the next pancake breakfast?

Ditto for coming in so late the priest is on the homily. There is late, and then there is so late where just heading back home is the best choice. We see you come in, and even though we are in God’s house and not supposed to judge, we are collectively thinking, “Really Jagoff?”


Last week a new jagoffery occurred. After the sign of peace, the people behind me hand sanitized. During mass. In the middle of mass. I shook their hands, Howie Mandell wasn’t with them. Their floral scented faux pas lingered through the remainder of mass.


Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, am I right? I am not saying I am not a church jagoff. My daughter asks random questions LOUDLY and often. (My favorite involved if Scar from Lion King would go to the same Heaven as us.) When mass has ENDED (not after you receive the Eucharist ya’ jag) my husband makes us JOG to the car like we are at a Penguin game and have to get to the parking garage. I have trouble remembering prayers I have said 100s of times and have to use the cheat sheets. But collectively let’s drive slower, park smarter, pay attention, and be respectful. Let’s spend 1 hour a week in God’s house trying to be a little less jagoff-y.

Can I get an Amen ya’ jag?

Special thanks to our friend, and awesome yinzer, Nicole Smith, for being our guest blogger today!!!  Comment below for her!

 

Don’t Forget To Order Your T-shirt

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Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff – British Penguins Fan Club

Welcome to our weekly “Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff!” segment.

We are yakkin’ with Jonathan Northall of the British Penguins Fan Club, United Kingdom

 Jonathon is part of the #Brinzers, the British Penguins Fan Club!!!!

How do they watch the games?

How did they become Penguins fans and…. can he speak Pittsburgh-ese???

Click the photo above to watch if the video doesn’t appear below.

Click this @BritPensFanClub to find their Twitter feed.

Click the logo to get to the Facebook Page

THANKS TO:

For the production!

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