May 5 2014
Sooooo… it’s Cinco de Mayo. Here are the top ways to be a Cinco de Mayo Jagoff!
- Make fun of the day by saying it’s named after your ex-spouse and calling it “Psycho de Mayo.”
- Calling it Cinco de MAY-yo (As if it is a day to celebrate Hellman’s). This is similar to calling the place where the Penguins play, The Con-SAWL Energy Center.
- Telling everyone at work about “the worm” in the bottom of a Tequila bottle that you SWEAR a friend ate one time and almost died.
- Buying a 12-pack of Taco Bell hard/soft tacos for the office lunch room. Those are about as authentic as a John Boehner tan.
- Using a sharpie to scratch out the O’ of of your St. Patty’s Day drinking shirt to writing an o at the end of your name to make it sound Mexican.
- Wearing your Bradshaw team jersey to the bar.
- Wearing your Bradshaw team jersey to the bar and tucking it in your jeans shorts.
- Getting drunk and telling your Mexican friends that you’re sorry that their fellow country man, “de Mayo” had to die “that way” but you like what he stood for AND you like the way that they chose to celebrate the Holiday in his honor.
So go have fun Cinco-celebrators… just remember, tomorrow at work, it’s much better to be telling the stories about the drunk idiots at the bar than to be the topic of the stories, at work, about the drunk idiot at the bar.
Happy Cinco de Mayo, Ya Jagoffs!