Another Plethora of #PeterParker Jagoff Parkers

Peter Piper Picked a Peck of “Peter Parkers” for today.  And you don’t have to sit them on your window sill with your TA-mate-AHS to ripen through the night!!   They are ripe and ready.  The inbox, Twitter feedFacebook and feeds have been full of  ’em!  So let’s get at it cuz, as my dad would say, “Christmas is coming!”

The compact car occupying two Compact Car Spaces comes all the way from Hawaii!!  Clearly this driver has special awareness challenges.  We heard this person sometimes is caught standing half in and half outside the shower at home.  And all of this talk about COMPACTS, reminds us of a cool COMPACT joke..

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.” The second blonde says, “Here, let me see!” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”

Then we have this one….

Our SJU, Special Jagoff Unit, was on this and found out that this was an airplane pilot’s car.  He’s used to running the nose up the center line.  We also found out that he was assisted with parking his car here by a guy in an orange vest, headphones and two real-long orange flashlights.  Supposedly one of those cool little baggage-hauling vehicles came out too to help load the groceries.

But WAIT….we got us a curb-hugger in Squirrel Hill.  At first we thought it was sad that someone didn’t even feel a huge bump as they parked.

But then our JSGU investigated this one too!  It turns out that this car is a stick shift with a bad battery and alternator.  So it needs to get a run down a slope and popped into gear to get started.   Rolling off a curb is a good start.  Therefore, after parking and turning the ignition off, the owner apparently gets out of his car, walks around the back and picks the back of the car up, with one hand, and PURPOSELY places the car on to the curb.  (For Realz! )

And then look at this…

We didn’t even have to write anything for this one.  See the email that came with it:

This woman always parks in some dumb way in our complex. Judging by the fact that the entire passenger side of the truck is damaged, I think it is safe to assume she doesn’t know how to drive a truck. If you cannot drive a truck, do not buy a truck! That’s what I always say. Apparently she cannot be bothered to line up with the truck next to her, so people are forced to walk in the mud or brush against her dirty truck.

Oh, and here’s the other thing… the spot on the other side is the Handicap parking spot. Good luck getting through here, disabled senior citizens.

Special thanks to @LRamandanes@pat11d, and @HarryCovair, (Twitter), Doug Graham,  (Facebook) and LLK (email), for being Honorary Jagoff Catchers for today’s blog post!!!

 

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Ohhhhhh, THIS is Uncomfortable

YJ-Bonner

 

In basketball terms, this is called an “alleyoop.”  Someone tosses the ball up at the basketball rim and you jump up and SLAM that MUTHA home!

Click  here (WPXI) if you want the full story, including WPXI’s Cara Sapida awesomely delivering the line, “…is not getting the boyfriend of the year award..” Haaaaa..I just KNEW it was going to be good hearing that.

There was huuuuuuge excitement In the Jagoff News room at that point.  I literally stood up and yelled over to the JBND (Jagoff Breaking News Desk), “Listen up.  This is what we live for!”

Here is a summary of the Joshua Tale:

This guy Joshua and his girlfriend ALLEGEDLY stole DVDs from the Bridgeville Right Aid.

Working as a team, they have done this more than once ALLEGEDLY.

Upon escaping this time, Josh decides to leave his Honey-Bunny behind and take off in the get-away car his Honey-Bunny was supposed to be driving.

She now has no ride and thus sings BETTER than a canary.. more like Jeff Jimmerson at a Penguins game in front of 400,000 fans.  (Including where exactly to find Josh.)

This is no longer a Who-Dunnit!

In war there is no substitute for victory said Douglas MacArthur.  And in OUR war on people trying to make the rest of us Pittsburghers look bad, there is no substitute for STOOOOOOOOOOOPIDITY!!!

Josh, buddy… what were you thinking???  You ticked off your girlfriend big guy…like  left her served up on a platter to the police.

Wow… there’s literally nothing in the “Guy Manual” for handling this one.  You’re own your own!  Have never heard of the ol’ “Hell hath no scorn like a woman-ALLEGELDY-left-holding-a-bag-of-stolen-DVDs-who-was-left-behind-at-a-crime-scene-by-her-man?”

Good luck Josh-mosh… ya know, your future would have been a whole lot safer if you would have left your photo I.D. at the crime scene with a note that you were the one who killed Jimmy Hoffa and left an open box of doughnuts and a note taunting the incoming police, Ya Jagoff!

 

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Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff! – Comedian, Terry Jones

Welcome to our weekly “Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff!” segment.

We’re yakkin’ with Pittsburgh Comedian Terry Jones about

Being a chubby kid growing up in Garfield and Penn Hills

His first open mic night

Who’s his favorite impression to do?

Being part of the Jim Krenn #NoRestrictions Podcast

Do people stop him at the grocery store and ask him to do impressions?

Click the logo below to  subscribe to the #NoRestrictions Podcast


Click here for the Team Terry Website

 

THANKS TO:

For being AWESOME hosts!!!

THANKS TO:

For the production!

Don’t forget to subscribe to our Ya Jagoff  YouTube Channel.

If you need to get caught up, here are some previous episodes (Click the Pics to watch)