Worst Bank Robbery Disguise Ever

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Not sure what to say other than ask the question, “Was it worth it?”

Sometimes burglars get caught by doing something stupid like leaving a cell phone at the scene, using personalized stationary for the “stick-up” note, or dropping their wallet at the scene.  This guy?  Even worse.  He didn’t even have the sense to use one of those silly opera masks.

Police are looking for a man identified as Richard Thomas Jr., who robbed the First National Bank in North Huntingdon Saturday morning.

(Full Story on WPXI)

Given Mr. Thomas’ lack of any type of disguise, this crime never had a chance to be a Who-Dunnit!

Within 5 minutes, by using our Jagoffestrator and COLORFORMS skills (anyone remember Colorforms?), look how I was able to make him an unknown entity.

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Hey Robbin’ Richy, did you grow up as one of those kids that, on Halloween, only wore a hat and carried a big pillowcase for trick or treating?  I mean, for crisssakes guy, at least put on a Steelers ballcap and jacket or team jersey so that you have a chance to blend in with at least 85% of the local population on any given day, Ya Jagoff!

 

12-Foot Rooster Thief (Notice I Stayed with “rooster” on this)

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I didn’t go the easy joke route here.  I stayed with the word “rooster.”

Back in May, Brody Nichols ALLEGEDLY decided it was a good idea to steal a 12′ foot rooster from Tim’s Secret Treasures in Charleroi, PA by loading the thing into the back of his pick-up truck in the middle of the night.  This week he was finally arraigned.

BRILLIANT!

Now one might say, “Hey, they’re probably doing it because of the current plastic rooster exchange rate!”  Yeah, we get that but, our question is HOW…. as in how in theeeeeeee hell does someone steal a 12-foot roster and, maybe even more importantly, WHY?

So many parodies, so little blogging space. (Hey, buddy, pssssst, over here, pssssst, need a 12-foot roster?  Only fie-dolla!”)

But I’m really stuck on this question.  Once it was in the news, what in THEEEEEEEE HELL were you going to do with a 12-foot plastic rooster?   The whole thing behind stealing something is concealing the booty once it’s in your possession until the dust settles.  Something tells me you were going to have to steal a backhoe next to bury the rooster next to your favorite tree out in a Washington County field.  Or was your plan to simply hide it under a pile of KFC buckets?

All I have to say is, good luck explaining this to your cellmate in prison, who, after he tells you he killed or maimed some people, you’ll have to respond, “Oh yeah… well step off ‘cuz I stole a 12-foot plastic rooster Mutha &@^#$@!”  And by the way, just a quick note, not that I’ve ever been but, I have watched a lot of HBO…when telling that story to your cellmate, I’d be sure to stick with the phrase 12-foot ROOSTER.  Good luck in jail, Ya Jagoff!

Jagoff License Plates Banned in PA

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Yesterday, 96.1 Freak Show hosts, Mikey and Big Bob posted, on their website, the 100 license plates that are banned in Pennsylvania. One of them is the word Jagoff.

Here are some of the details:

PennDOT keeps an internal “Do Not Issue” list of about 10,000 different text/numbers combinations that it finds too rude, crude or generally inappropriate for the roadways of the Keystone State.

Among the banned: “UANOYME,” “NOHATRZ,” “YOMOMMA” and “CALL911.”

Full Article HERE

As an FYI, a couple of years ago, the Pittsburgh City Paper’s Chris Potter wrote an inside-back-cover full page article about the history of the word Jagoff.  It comes from Jagger Bush and has no swearing connotation whatsoever.

So, as of right now, we are officially banning the word “Pennsylvania” from our blog (until we need to use it to make a joke).  This place that borders Ohio, Maryland, New York, New Jersey and Delaware will now be known to us as “The Commonwealth Whose Name is Banned By Us.”

We need to ban together and figure out how we can get the word “Jagoff” on to license plates in “The Commonwealth Whose Name is Banned By Us.  Like this guy did:

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Might it be one of our followers getting a plate that says FFOGAJ so that , when you hold it in a mirror, you see it?

Second, we are going to suggest to the “”The Commonwealth Whose Name is Banned By Us” that additional terms/ phrases be IMMEDIATELY removed from the publication due to possible confusion for offensiveness:

  • Ho (as in Santa’s Ho-Ho-Ho or Hawaiian singer Don Ho or his sister who is indeed a Ho unless she married and changed her name)
  • Hoe (as in garden hoe)
  • Screw (as in a cylindrical rod incised with one or more helical or advancing spiral threads)

In the meantime, to the people running “The Commonwealth Whose Name is Banned By Us,”  LIGHTEN UP Ya Jagoffs!!!

In the comments section below, feel free to add OTHER potentially offensive words that should be banned OR other ways to get Jagoff on to a license plate.