Is This Enough Napkins?

So I go to Primanti’s for .. oh, it doesn’t matter what.  Possibly it was to celebrate losing 10lbs thanks to a commitment that I made to myself to “eat more healthy.

Either way, I KNOW that any visit to Primanti’s Brothers means lots of napkins.  So I really appreciate it when the servers stop by and plop down a 3-inch stack of napkins.

On the other hand I do not like it when the staff thinks that they’re doing us all a favor by stuffing so many napkins into the napkin holder that you can’t get one of ’em out!!!!  There was so much napkin padding in that thing you would’ve thought that, the person who stuffed them, was making a new concussion-proof hockey helmet for the NHL.

So now I’m elbows deep into a salami-and-cheese sandwich and the cole slaw juice is running down my fingers toward my wrists.  In my bestest “Primanti Table Manners,” I talk with a mouthful and say, “Can you pleath hand me a napthkin?”  What happens next is napkin travesty.

The person nearest that napkin holder starts to frantically try and tear napkins out to pass over to us…… but the whole deal ends up looking like the start of a paper mache party with pieces of napkin shrapnel all over the table as the cole slaw juice makes its way toward my elbows.  Finally, someone at the table has the wherewithal to press the “secret button” on the napkin holder and “BOOM!”…..napkins come popping out of that thing faster than 4000 “LIKES” happen for a new post on Facebook about BACON!

So to all servers and bus staff (in any restaurant cuz this can happen ANYWHERE not just Primanti’s), you’re not doing us any favors by power-loading the napkin holder.  It’s like putting twice as much Turtle Wax on your car because you think it’s gonna make it EXTRA SHINY, Ya Jagoffs!!!!


Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff – Dave Hanson, “Slapshot”


Welcome to another “Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff!” segment.

We are yakkin’ with Dave Hanson from the 1970’s cult hockey movie “Slapshot.”

Did you know the Hansons were offered a multi-movie contract?

Did you know that Dave roomed with NHL coach Bruce Boudreaux?

Does he let me “put on the foil” with him?

Watch the video below.

Come swap more movie stories with Dave on May 17th at the “Hang With the Pros” fundraiser event in Pittsburgh. The event includes Brian Trottier, Ken Wregget, Francois Leroux and other Pens Alumni.

553_pemfflyer20144152014short for more details.




Jagoffery In Vegas DID NOT Stay in Vegas!

It has been some time since we had a Drunk Jagoff” to post and this one comes all the way from Las Vegas.

It seems like “Blue T-shirt Man” (which is really different than the Blue Man Group) stumbles across a couple of guys in a doorway.

Does he pass them by?  No!

Does he see them urinating in public and say, “Hey, whadda ya doing?  You could get fined for that!” NO!

What he DOES do is, he decides that HE has to break-the-seal too and waits in line for the “wall urinal” which is not really a wall urinal at all… it’s JUST A WALL!  But more than that, he stands close enough to get the first guy’s urine all over the bottom of his shoes!!!

(You should let your kids read this so that they understand the concept of NEVER putting their shoes on the kitchen table or on the furniture.)

Hey boys, the funny thing is, you guys are peeing on the side of a humongous casino in Downtown Vegas which, according to most of the brochures has 3,201 slot machines and 327 BATHROOMS on the inside!!!!   And by the way, after you get done emptying those bladders in the bathrooms INSIDE THE CASINO, the staff are more than happy to give you free drinks to refill those bladders!!!!

Sorry to say that, thanks to social media, what happens in Vegas DOESN’T stay in Vegas.  And here’s our little Urine-alysis of this situation:   You both should stop drinking… it can make you broke and stupid.

Case in point, when you’re drunk, you don’t realize that urine being pee’d on a wall banks off of that wall and runs back at ya…. all over the soles of your shoes and that’s really gonna suck when you pack those shoes next to your toothbrush in your carry-on bag to fly home, Ya Jagoffs!!!!

Get this AWESOME phone wall paper for free!

Click the pic to get to the download page.