Saturday Rant – Krish Mohan

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Showcasing some of Pittsburgh’s comedy talent.

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The Grocery Store “Express Lane” Finally Gets A Post!

  (This is taken by a Pittsburgh ExPat at a Las Vegas Wal-Mart.)

The funny thing about THIS incident is, while most “Express Lanes” have a limit of 8 or 12 items, THIS ONE is 20 items – and this couple STILL went over the limit.  By the way, how is it possible to be “EXPRESS-LIKE” if you have 20 of ANYTHING unless they’re 20 of the same item and the checker-outer can scan one and hit the “Times 20″ button?

We actually experienced a local express-lane miscalculation spat between two people in line once.  The guy behind the the lady-that-had-rounded-up by a dozen items or so called her out right there in line.  She said, “Well if they’d open more lanes, than I wouldn’t have had to get in THIS line!” (Haaaaa… THAT’S IT… blame someone else vs. just saying, “I’m sorry, I screwed up.)

We’re concerned that the lady in the Vegas Wal-Mart’s definition of “1 more item” might be the whole case of Pepsi next to her!  Maybe it’s a Vegas-thing where people don’t actually recognize numbers unless they’re on a deck of cards or on a slot machine.

So Mr. and Mrs. Twenty-Something, “20 items or less” means ROUND DOWN – unless your sneaking in a 2-for-1 special (See, we’re flexible).  In the meantime, we’re glad to see you were using plastic to pay as opposed to being like those people that wait until the grand total comes up to decide to take their checkbook out of their purse and start writing OR look through 6 pockets for coins that add up to exact change, Ya Jagoffs!!!

 

“Super” Burglar Forgets Disguises Might Be a Good Idea

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WOW!  WTAE-TV is on a roll this week.  Here’s another story “Criminal Jagoff” story that fits us PERFECTLY!!

So this lady is being sought for an ALLEGED attempted shop lifting at Gabriel Brothers store in South Union Township.  From the looks of the photo, it doesn’t look like she did a whole lot of planning  or consulting on any ‘Here’s How To Dress Inconspicuously As A Burglar” websites.  She didn’t even make an attempt to cover up her tatoo!! (see full WTAE story here)

For example, we have used our COLORFORMS skills (anyone remember Colorforms?)

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And yes, you read this correctly, she was caught stealing from Gabes!!  Gabes??? Yes, it’s hard to tell from the pic but maybe she has an arm or a leg that is 3″ longer than the other and she needed “specialty clothing!”  For covering the tatoo, we go nothin… other than something COMPLICATED…. like SLEEVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lady, the good news is, if you were ATTEMPTING to shoplift, it sounds like ya made a good decision to stop doing what you were doing.  The bad news is, unfotunately you should have put “some type of pullover” on the TOP of your shoplifting checklist and not LAST, Ya Jagoff!

 

Of course, we might recommend one of THESE as someone’s attire.. but not for STEALING!

Click the pic to see how to get YOURS!

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