The Rush Hour Cycling “Gang”

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It’s been a looooooooooooong day at work.  You can’t wait to get home.  And you know that there will be some jags in your way… bulldozers, buses, overloaded trucks… but a bunch of cyclers?  Below is the tweet that accompanied this photo:

Really, the whole lane during rush hour! Nothing like driving home at >20 mph on the way home!

Yes!  We know the whole idea of “share the road” with the cyclers.   And, (just as most people preface inflammatory  comments that they are about to make) SOME OF OUR BEST FRIENDS RIDE BICYCLES.  But really?  Bunching up and holding traffic back (not just at the stop light)?

Hope that YOUR hearts and blood vessels feel good doing this because, just so ya know, driving behind your group has been cited by BOTH of our Jagoff cardiologist buddies as causing the same amount of stress on MY heart as sprinting up Sycamore Street with 2 bags of groceries, a gallon of milk and a 5 lb bag of kitty litter.

And by the way.. notice we APPROPRIATELY called yinz all CYCLERS and not BIKERS (riding motorcycles).

To be 100% truthful, if you were a group of tattooed, sleeveless, denim-vested, over-sized, unhelmeted BIKERS, we would have been too afraid to take say ANYTHING!  But since you’re skinny, little, no-hair-on-you-arms-and-legs CYCLERS, we’re saying.. get outta the way… you’re in between me a cold beer and 4 slices of pepperoni pizza, Ya Jagoffs!

 

Thanks to @biggdeck on Twitter for the pic and for being our honorary Jagoff Catcher!

Tired of Those Highmark vs. UPMC TV Ads??? We Have It!

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For those of you that are still in the Western Pennsylvania area, you know about the fight between Highmark and UPMC and how it has spilled over on to our television sets and internet.  If you’re an ExPat, be glad that you’re not forced to watch this mess.

To both sides have a point?  Yep.

Do we care who’s right?  Nope.. it’s waaaaaaaaaay too in tense for this silly blog.

Do we care when the TV commercials come up incessantly on our televisions and online vidoes… SO MUCH THAT we are begging for mud-slinging political ads?  The kind where they use silly words and graphics like the one below?  YEPPPIR!!!! (see our previous Jagoff post about Political Ads here.)

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The point is, both UPMC and Highmark have taken this argument to the street… each trying to gain public support for their cause.  Unfortunately, even the people that are passionate about one side or the other are getting tired of seeing expensive commercials, at prime-rate time …. as, at least one of them, laid off staff stating the need to cut budgets.

Well, we took a shot at making these TV commercials more palatable and interesting.  We have re-mixed one UPMC and one Highmark commercial for your pleasure!  And who is HAPPIER than Will Ferrell in the movie “Elf?”  He makes everyone get along!  Watch the videos below.

Remake of Highmark “3 Guys In A Diner” Commercial (If you don’t see the video box below, click HERE to watch.)

 

Remake of UPMC’s ” “Lady On The Phone” Commercial (If you don’t see the video box below, click HERE to watch.)

Ya know what we say?  Let’s do something REASONABLE to settle this thing once and for all!!!    Let’s have a corn-hole tournament or a chili cook-off or some type of winner-take all Fantasy Football tournament!!!  Or how about sitting down with a beer and a Primanti’s sandwich???

Either way PA-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE stop wasting money on these STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID commercials, Ya Jagoffs!

 

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Porta-Beer STEALIN’ Jagoffs!!! Need Your Help

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If you don’t know what the PortaBeer is… you’re missing some good Pittsburgh entrepreneurs and beer-consuming buds!  

The other day at Stage AE, some Jagoffery took place … someone stole one of the PortaBeer units.  

Here’s the blog post from Albert, one of the owners.

On Friday, July 26th at approximately 10pm, up to four draft beer lovers successfully executed a brilliant heist at the inaugural Pittsburgh Beerfest at Stage AE, stealing a black PortaDraft from the heavily guarded venue. How? They convinced the security detail working that night that the PortaDraft WAS NOT an ultra-portable dispenser of draft beer awesome, but rather a drum that had been used by the live band playing the excellent Green Day covers. In addition to our system, they successfully made off with a not-yet-empty keg of Yuengling Traditional Lager.

Our reactions:

  1. Bravo. We couldn’t have pulled something like that off.
  2. We want to meet whoever did it. Seriously. If you’re so committed to draft beer that you’re able to sell to security what we would have assumed to be a unbelievable story, we’d like to shake your hand (though we probably won’t leave our cell phones around you unattended, no offense).
  3. We’d like to trade. You see, this is one of the units we use at events, so it is a little beat up. Plus, it’s one of our first units, so there’s some sentimental value. We’ll trade a brand new unit with the one that was stolen. That way, the folks who stole it still get to tell a great story, and we get our unit back.

How can you help?

Tell everyone you can about our story. Share our PortaDraft911 poster on Facebook and Twitter (use hashtag #PortaDraft911), send us tips atPortaDraft911@PortaBeer.com, call the hotline at 855-PortaBeer (767-8223) x804, or download and print your very own poster here. Unless you stole it, which, in that case, use any of those methods to ‘fess up.

What’s in it for you?

When we get the PortaDraft back, we’re having a party and you’re invited. We’ll pour some great local brews and have a great time and celebrate both the return of a cherished PortaDraft and the redemption of some seriously slick draft beer drinkers. What could be better?

Are we calling the cops?

No. Unless you steal our cell phones. Then it’s war.

== Albert

 

OUR NOTE: Sooooooooo if you go to a party and some dudes have a really cool beer dispenser and, when you ask them in pure Pittsburgh english, “Where’d you get that AT?” they start to sweat… stand on a table, point at them and say, “YOU STOLE THAT YA JAGOFFS!”

 

Here is an artist’s rendering (a pic from his iPhone cuz he’s now up on technology) of the stolen item.

Click it to go to the PortaBeer website.

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