Guest Blog Post… From Punxsutawney Phil

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Many people are coming down hard on Punxsutawney Phil for seeing his shadow and predicting 6 more weeks of winter.  But, it’s not really his fault and he reached out to this blog to express his thoughts.  He doesn’t type so he called the YaJagoff secret studio line and filed this report on our ground hog interpreting app.

Seriously… everyone makes fun of me.. but it’s not me.  Do any of you realize that I do this stuff for the food, the much-better-then-most-humans-get living conditions and the t-shirt royalties?

Um… I mean….everyone jokes about all of the bright lights and me seeing my shadow… seriously, come up with something new!

By the way, I don’t know how to write or type… and you believe I’m behind the message that the old-guy reads… which, by the way, is a piece of yellow tablet paper glued on to two tree twigs.  Your kid makes better crafts in kindergarten.

Then that guy grabs me underneath my belly and holds me up in the air in front of a bunch of drunks.  It’s like a scene out of Lion King re-produced by David Hasselhoff and Captain Morgan.  For the record, that guy’s hand squishes my stomach up into my throat and it causes me esophageal reflux problems.  For a month after Groundhog Day, I eat nothing but Tums.

And for the record, that old guy, he looks into my cage to grab me and, some people wonder why I don’t bite him, especially for waking me up so early.  The reason why I don’t bite him is because I have no interest in getting close.  His breath always smells like Luden’s Honey Liquorice throat lozenges and his hands smell like Ben Gay.

One other thing while I’m letting loose, Gus, the old PA Lottery sleazy bookie nearly ruined my life. He’s the guy that made the rest of us serious ground hog actors look bad.  He was schlock talent from the get-go and everyone knew it.

Blaming ME about the weather is like blaming Bill Murray about the weather!  For realz, if ya wanna know what the weather is gonna be, go download a weather app Ya Jagoffs!

 

 

When The Cold Doesn’t Seem So Bad – Part 2

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Yeah.. so it’s almost shorts weather in Pittsburgh.. I mean, like, it’s above 40 degrees!!!  This cold has been CA-razeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  But what CAN warm you up are pictures of our City in the bitter cold.

JP Diroll took the picture above and a bunch of others, in black and white, of the ice and cold. So go bake some muffins or buy some Cinnabon rolls… cuz his pictures will make ya feel all warm inside… kinda like ya pee’d yourself!

JP… thanks for the pics and your faith in Ya Jagoff to share!!!

Everyone go follow JP on Twitter, @JPDPhotos and on his new photo blog… you can see the rest of the icy pics here!

JP.. keep those photos coming, hope that your lips and fingers aren’t chapped yet, Ya Jagoff!!!! (Said in the, Yeah-we-cool kinda way)

 

Watch our Yakkin’ interview with JP below.

And You Thought the SMELL of McDonald’s Was Addicting

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Yeah… that smell that McDonald’s pumps out of their restaurants, addicting…(wish this blog was scratch n sniff) but not quite as addicting as what Shantia Marie Dennis was allegedly passing out at an East End Pittsburgh Micky D’s.

“The way that the deals would happen is that the customer looking for heroin was instructed to go through the drive-thru and say, ‘I’d like to order a toy,’ ” wrote Mike Manko, a spokesman for the district attorney’s office, in an email. “The customer would then be told to proceed to the first window where they would be handed a Happy Meal box containing heroin.”

Read more in the PG

Jeeeeezus…. I know how crazy impatient I get when the drive through line doesn’t move fast enough waiting for that @#$@#$ minivan that ordered a happy meal for every stick figure posted on the back of their van!  I can’t even imagine the gas-revving, honking, huffing, sighing, looking-around, what-the-hell-is-going-on-up-there-neck-stretches that a heroin would be doing.

Hey Shantia Claus…nice move.. Pittsburgh is famous on the internet thanks to you and your special gifts!

I think I see a Heroin Happy Meal diet book deal coming, call it “The Junk Food Diet” (haaa get it?  The JUNK!) how to eat 47 Big Macs and fries every day and LOSE weight.  Looks like you’re gonna have lots of time to write, Ya Jagoff!!!