Yakkin’ With Ya Jagoff Videos

Another Year

 

Another year just went flying by. I know it’s not the end of the year. I wasn’t confused by Christmas in July and think its New Year’s in August. I’m not senile. I don’t think I am anyway, although we’ll get to that in a moment. I’m talking about my time on this earth. A birthday looms on the horizon. I will be leaving an age I don’t want to be to advance to an age I really don’t want to be.

It’s all downhill once you hit about thirty-five, so I‘ve been on the declining slope for a while now. I’ve never really thought about getting old. I don’t have a bucket list or anything. What’s the deal with those anyway? People get older and start making lists of all the things they want to do before they leave this world. Some actually try to hasten death by taking up dangerous activities like sky-diving or running with the bulls. I don’t need the internet buzzing with a story about the stupid way that I died.

There are enough dumb ways to kill yourself if that’s what you’re looking for. One recent example was the guy lighting fireworks from his head on the fourth of July. I know it’s soon, it wasn’t even a month ago, but still. My sympathy to his family and all but why would anybody think this was a good idea? Maybe it wasn’t explained to him correctly. I’m sure the family will have a lawsuit against the fireworks manufacturer for not giving proper warning.

“Do not place explosive mortar on head when lighting.”

I mean, you would think that was a given but…

Instead of a list of dangerous stunts I thought it would be fun to do some of the things I did when I was younger. Things I don’t do anymore. My wife and I used to go to the movies at least once a week when we were dating but I can’t remember the last time we went. On one of our first dates we went to see “Vacation,” a comedy about a family going cross country to visit “Wally World.” It would be nice to see a movie like that. I checked to see what’s playing at my local Cineplex. The first thing I see is “Vacation”, a movie about a family going cross country to visit “Wally World.”

After racing over to see my doctor, he assured me that I hadn’t lost the ability to distinguish between the past and present. There is in fact a movie called “Vacation” playing right now. What a relief. I thought for sure my mind was gone. It turns out it’s just that Hollywood can’t come up with an original idea and keeps remaking the same crap.

My doctor asks,

“What year is it?”

“2015”

“You see, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Yeah, ok I’m fine for now but it’s just a matter of time. Who knows what the future brings? It could happen next week or next year. 2016 is an election year. That could throw anybody off the deep end! What if that’s when I no longer know where I am? I could be walking around living in the past. I could think it’s 1992 and the Presidential candidates are Bush and Clinton!”

The doctor pulled out his prescription pad.

So now I don’t care if I’m getting older. I don’t care what’s at the movies or who is President. I’m not worried about dying or some stupid bucket list. I’m in my happy place.

Follow John on Twitter @jknight841

Order his book by clicking the icon below.

JohnKnight

 

See John Knight Live

CLQUS21WIAAuzwE

Yakkin’ With YaJagoff – (Special Edition) Chachi Plays For Kids

A special assignment Yakkin segment as we yak with Chachi of Chachi Plays For Kids about his gaming tournament going on August 8th at the Pittsburgh Tooneseum.  The problem is, I know ZERO about gaming stuff!

Please use the buttons below to SHARE this post.

ChachiPlays

This event benefits these two organizations

Toonseum2HeadLogoFrac

Follow on Twitter @ChachiPlays

SPECIAL THANKS TO:

Screen Shot 2014-10-06 at 8.02.12 PMSorgatronMedia

For the production!

Do You Like My Sandwich?

 

           

Our Saturday Feature

What Aggravates Me by Comedian John Knight

Social media, for me a necessary evil, for a lot of people an addiction and waste of valuable time. Most of it still seems very strange to me. Why must some people let us know every move they make or thought that enters their head? Do they think we care?

Then there’s the terminology. It used to be if somebody was following us we would run away or call the police. Now we try to get as many people as possible to follow. In the not too distant past if I told a woman,

“I’m going to tweet your twitter.”

I probably would have been arrested or taken in for questioning. Definitely would have been slapped. But now we want our tweets to be retweeted… If you had told me fifteen years ago that I would type that last sentence and it would make perfect sense I would have assumed we had all suffered brain damage. Probably from the chemicals in the food. I don’t know maybe we have.

Speaking of food, why do people think I want to see a picture of what they are about to have for lunch. I see this constantly on Facebook. It used to be people might say a prayer of thanks before they ate. But now it’s,

“Hold on a minute Lord. Be right with you. Just let me snap a selfie with this burger.”

I don’t know how this works. Do you have to wait to see how many likes you get before you can eat? What if you don’t?

“Excuse me waiter, my friends don’t like this sandwich. I’d like to send it back.”

The weirdest are these posts.

“Sad news today. Uncle Fred passed away unexpectedly.”

Sixty-Seven likes.

Who are these ghouls?

“Hey I see Uncle Fred finally kicked it. Never thought that old bastard was going to drop.

You have to like this!”

Why does every instant have to be captured or shared? The last time I went to see Springsteen I think I was the only person in my section not recording. People missed the entire concert doing this. I guess they could go home later and watch what they missed on their phone.

The other night I was sitting on my back deck smoking a cigar. Suddenly I looked up and noticed a fawn playing with a rabbit in my yard. My phone was in reach and I was about to grab it and get some footage. Then I thought to myself,

“What if I scare them?”

So I just sat back and watched. It was my moment and if you wanted to see it you should have been there.

You shouldn’t have to show everything. It keeps people from using their imaginations. Everybody knows what a baby deer and rabbit would look like chasing each other. The only thing you don’t know is what my yard looks like. So, use your imagination. Imagine it with a big built in swimming pool surrounded by a stone patio. I don’t have one but it’s your imagination and I would like to have one. Oh, and could you level off my hills so it’s easier to mow the lawn.

What I’m saying is people are too concerned about capturing what is happening than experiencing it. Just eat your damn sandwich! I don’t need to know what it looks like. Life is short. Enjoy each moment. I’m sure poor old Uncle Fred wishes he could.

Follow John on Twitter @jknight841

Order his book by clicking the icon below.

JohnKnight