Work Jagoffs

The Work Photocopier.. WHO DUNNIT???

We have had only a handful of “Work Jagoffs” posted here since we started.  My two favorites are, “The Secret Work Poop Shoes” and the “Free Hot Dog Lunch Hot Dog Hog.”

Today’s post is something that happens in EVERY work place and finally we have one to post!  Here is the tweet that accompanied the pic of the photocopier:

“6 – how many pages some #jagoff left jammed in this copier. Yep, I fixed it.”

You know what it’s like…you go to the work photocopier, located in that little secret room, put in your special secret departmental code that nobody else is supposed to know (but literally everyone but the new hire knows) and you start to photocopy some VERY important work documents.

You put your originals in the feeder, press ___ (The number of copies you need for your co-workers, neighbors and relatives), the START COPY button and then the infamous JAM icon lights up and the machine starts to beep…. beep, beep….beep…. beep, beep…. and you start to SWEAT!!!

(beep…. beep, beep….beep…. beep, beep….)

(Oh God!!! I hope nobody walks in right now!)

(beep…. beep, beep….beep…. beep, beep….)

The person BEFORE you left papers jammed all through the copier.. and didn’t take the time to read the simple directions, ”Lift Handle, Open Latch A, Pull Lever B,  Remove Page!!!“  How hard can it be???? SHEESH!!!!

Hey Phil-The-Photocopy-Phreak… you may not be one of those dudes that shows up with a short-sleeve dress shirt with a tie, hush-puppies, a briefcase full of Hannibal-Lecter-type tools and inked stained hands but, we’re sure you can read simple directions!!!!

How about the next time you try photocopying, the weekend football poll numbers, a new cabbage soup loose-30lbs-in-30-seconds-without-exercise diet recipe, your bum (at the office Holiday Party), a stack of jokes (since you’re email is monitored) or the recipe for that yummy new snack Margie in Accounting made for today’s work Steelers Party….. you take 12.5 seconds out of your busy-ass day to FIX the paper jam, Ya Jagoff!!!!!!

Thanks to Twitter Follower @MrVinnieSays for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher! 

Photocopier Prank:  The next time you know that someone like this is going to the copier, get to it first.  With marker, write “If you jam it, fix it Ya Jagoff!” on a blank sheet of paper.  Make 50-60 copies of it and then take those copies and load them into the blank paper tray.  Shred your original and leave.

The next person to use the copier will be FREAKED OUT as they search the copy glass, their originals, etc, etc. as to how the writing is getting on their page!!

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Work Prank Jagoffs…at BNY Mellon

YJ-Foil

 

So, there I am, sitting on the toilet, scrolling through Instagram photos and up pops the photo above.  The message on the pic said;

Nothing like walking into your last day on the job and seeing this.  Glad this isn’t my desk.

It made my day!  Seriously, what do ya do with this if you were the victim… other than put on some sun glasses, strip to your skivvies and sit down like you’re gonna sun tan?  The good news was, I found this pic early while sitting on the toilet scrolling through Instagram.  Some days I sit there scrolling for so long  that my legs and feet go numb.  Then I have to hold on to all of the towel racks to extricate myself from the bathroom.

But back to the topic at hand…

This is one of those times where the victim of the prank would go through the various stages of the, “Ya Jagoff!” phrase

1) There’s the version, that’s posted on this log every day… venting about someone that has been a jerk, said with a scowl on your face, “Ya Jagoffs!” Of course, expressing displeasure toward whatever co-workers did this, or those that are laughing at it or are now posting your reaction on Twitter, Facebook, Vine, Instagram and, for those older officer workers, My Space.

2) There’s the version that expresses displeasure but, in a few minutes, you realize  this was pretty funny, and you wished you had thought of it, so half chuckling you say, “Whooooooooo everrrrrrr did this, I’m..I’m gonna… I’m….. oh…(as your admiring their work)..oh, Ya Jagoffs!”

3) There’s  the version where, you are either expressing appreciation to someone or  you’re simply just calm and happy… with a smile on your face and a hug, you say, “Ya Jagoffs!” This particular phase, more than likely, will come days, weeks or possibly months later when, the victim, pays back  the “foiler”  by sending one of those 1990-ish emails that says “Make sure you turn your speakers up for this one!” which then opens an email attachment that says, “Hey, I’m watching porn over here!”

In any event, this is hysterical unless you are the person that sits at this desk OR you’re my mother who would take one look at this and the proceed to whoop your ARSE for wasting all of that “good tin foil!”

Nice work BNY Mellon gang…. Ya Jagoffs! (Said in the smiling, we’re envious connotation!)

 

Thanks to Mayoraddyb on Instagram for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher and for helping me find this pic, not once but TWICE on Instagram!

 

Hot Dog Work-Lunch Jagoff

This Facebook post came across and I honestly laughed out loud (LOL for you NON-Initial-buffs).

“Today was Hot Dog Thursday at work. One of my co-workers had 5 dogs. I didn’t have a chance to get any and I didn’t bring lunch.”

The subsequent posts included:

“I posted a pic on your wall. It’s damn close to what he actually looks like. If there was any food left I would have been glad to include that pic. Sadly there is nothing left. Nothing. I think he might have shot the condiments right from the bottles directly into his yap……. I am freaking starving right now!!

The submitted photo (above) was PERFECT since I have a rule that I won’t post people’s actual faces unless their famous.

Who DOESN’T know that person at work that will eat 4 helpings of the free buffet, bring their kids in for the company cookout, takes a doggie bag home from the employee cover-dish or even eat someone else’s food out of the work fridge??  Unfortunately because of this, John, our Facebook friend was relegated to  walking around his work place trying to figure out who might have a stick of gum or, even worse, trying to figure out who might have a bag of 2013 Halloween candy hidden in the bottom of someone’s desk drawer.  All because his coworker thought he was in the  Nathan’s Hot Dog eating trials!!!

Five Hot Dogs at work??  Hey Mr.Takeru Kobayashi “wanna-be,”  the Pittsburgh Pirates have an All-You-Can-Eat section that includes hot dogs.  Take some of your First Communion money, get a ticket and go eat everything in site so that our man John can get a morsel or two from the work lunch.  We all hope you had a helluva NITRATE HEADACHE at your desk, YA JAGOFF!

 

Thanks to Honorary Jagoff Catcher and Facebook Follower, John R for his tip!!