Work Jagoffs

Work Elevator Jagoff


This post is about that person that abuses the elevator privileges at work.  But first, what do you think the worst elevator ride might be?  Would it be:

1) The elevator ride that is taking you to the secret work-pooping spot while your IBS is acting up right after lunch

2) The elevator ride where, you are by yourself headed to the 15th floor, and the thing is moving from floor 1 to 12 COMPLETELY uninterrupted… you feel confident… and eek out some “I-drank-beer-and-ate-4-Sheetz Burritos-Last-Night” gas,  then SUDDENLY  the elevator stops on floor 14 and someone gets on and presses 15!

3) The elevator ride where, you get on with your girlfriend and your wife’s already on it

4) The completely random elevator ride at the downtown Pittsburgh Macy’s with Mario Lemieux who is Christmas shopping for his wife in the designer clothing area and Dan Bylsma gets on who is shopping for HIS wife in the “Last Season’s Styles” sales bins

5) The elevator ride on which you pass gas because you believe the elevator is going UP and you figure the smell will sink with the up-motion of the elevator… only to find the elevator is going down and the stench rises to nose level

6) The elevator ride where you get on, and there’s a really hot guy already on it, you fluff your hair then he sticks his finger in his ear, makes a scrape,  then SNIFFS his finger nail

So there I was waiting for an elevator in the basement of an unnamed downtown building.  I had pushed the UP button and it was lit.  Then comes in “Mr Hurry” who sees us waiting, sees the UP light on but has to walk up and hit the UP button again.  After 12.9 seconds of impatience, he walks up and taps the UP button 3 additional times in rapid fashion.  Less then 4 seconds after that, he begins to sigh and huff, look at his watch, then his phone, then pushes the UP button 22 more times.

The elevator finally arrives, we all get on, “Mr. Hurry” gets on first and everyone else fills in.  The elevator then goes to……… yep, you guessed it, Floor #1 and guess who has to squeeze out of the elevator car from the back?  Yep, you guessed that too.

If you were in THAT much of a hurry walk.  With your antsy energy, you could have been to the top of the UPMC-but-most-people-still-call-it-the-steel building by the time the rest of us got to the first floor.  And quit pumping the UP button like you’re priming the fuel line of  a cheap WalMart lawn mower.  Pumping the button does NOT make the elevator come any faster, Ya Jagoff!



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How To Impress Your Boss


First, my apologies to WPXI reporter, Jennifer Tomazic, for the horrible facial expression screen capture.

Second, I don’t care what side of this thing you’re on… whether or not you think McD’s workers deserve $15/hour or not but, I gotta tell ya, I’m kind of a practical guy and, how I see this is, the way to NOT get $15/hour or ANY $/hour is to get arrested.  Let alone, arrested in your work uniform.

Be careful, good decision-making skills might be a on the check-off list to get hired/a raise, Ya Jagoffs!



Which Way is “Up” Ya Jagoff?


This might be the unique-iest (how about THAT made up word) Jagoff post so far.  At least as far as work-related Jagoffery is concerned.

This photo was sent to us by  fork lift professional that opened up the back of a tractor trailer to unload it and saw what you see in the pic!  It’s for realz.  We know the fork lift driver.

The really cool thing is, the fork lift driver knew EXACTLY what to do with this situation.  Did he file “potential damage” forms at work?  No!  Did he report someone for doing a poor job of loading?  No!  Did he yell and scream about the people that loaded this truck?  Well, maybe for a little while UNTIL he decided to take a picture of what he was seeing and sent it to us!!!!

He also documented that, sending it to us, dropped his blood pressure AND frustration level by at last 50%!!  See?  We’re clinically proven… 9 outta 10 dentists approve us!!!  (The 10th one was a Jagoff!)

There’s not much to say about this… it is what it is.  Here’s what WE are wondering…does the person that loaded this point left or right when they are referring to HEAVEN and/or HELL??  And are they sooooo confused with arrow use that they wear one of those, “I’m With Stupid” t-shirts and the arrow is pointing directly up at their own face?

Then we thought, what if a true YINZER was doing this box.. they might have put the arrow facing downward because, the would have thought “dn” meant “DAHN!”

We have no idea who loaded this but we sure are appreciative that it was sent to us.  The contents of the boxes, by the way, are kitchen cabinets.  And, just in case the same guys, that loaded this truck, are the some people installing the cabinets…..for the record, the granite stuff that comes NEXT goes on TOP of the cabinets, Ya Jagoffs!