Wedding Jagoffs

Pittsburgh “Cookie Table” Wedding Jag…..

Yeeesssss, that “Pittsburgh Cookie Table” looks luscious.  But, do you happen to see any lady locks in that photo above?

Let’s make this easy.. NO YOU DI-int!!!

The week before Wayne and Dina (Deena) got married, their Italian families got together and spent 3 entire days making cookies for the reception.  Lotsa a butter, lotsa sugar and lotsa love!

The reception hotel, who’s name we have cleverly disguised, The Hairport Merry-ott, required that all cookies be on premises a few days before the reception.  Lotsa people took lotsa time to take lotsa cookies to the Hairport Merry-ott.  This included 40-dozen lady locks.

Fast forward to the wedding reception and the lady locks are M.I.A…. All 40-dozen!!!

When Wayne and Dina’s families asked The Hairport Merry-ott staff about the M.I.A. lady locks during the reception, they had no answers.

Fast forward again.. Wayne and Dina returned from their honeymoon.  Their families met with the Hairport Merry-ott adminy-types.  Suddenly, everyone from the hotel became Sergeant Schultz from “Hogan’s Hereo’s” ….”I know na-THINK!”

Their staff knows nadda and security videos show zip!

So where did the Lady Locks go???  The families remember taking them there and… … and…. and….and….

Well, Cyril Wecht was busy that week so Wayne and Dina’s families requested an activation of our specialized “Lady Locks Black Ops” team (yes, we have one of those). Based on our team’s work, here are some of our hypotheses of what occurred:

1)   The Hairport Merry-ott staff misplaced, miss-served them (naaaahhh COULDN’T be!)

2)   The day of Dina and Wayne’s wedding, someone on the Hairport Merry-ott staff showed up for work weighing 108lbs and left weighing 391lbs and had powdered sugar all over his/her black staff uniform (somewhat plausible but no staff member has requested a new uniform fitting.)

3)   You know how older ladies tend to wrap up a “few cookies” in a napkin and put them in their little purse to take home? Maybe a rouge gang of grannies raided The Hairport Merry-ott cookie storeroom.  (Possible but at, 40 dozen, divided by 4 cookies per lady, that’s 120 grannies.. larger than most Gin Rummy card parties which isn’t realistic)

4)   Our most LIKELY scenario: there was another wedding at the Hairport Merry-ott the same evening.  As it turns out, it was for the daughter of Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster!!!!!

Hey Merry-ott Marauders, we’re NOT blaming you for losing 40-dozen lady locks and NOT owning up to it.  All we’re sayin’ is, THANK GOD the out-of-town guests didn’t stay at your hotel cuz, like the lady locks, who KNOWS where they would have ended up the night of Wayne and Dina’s reception, Ya Jagoffs!!!

Don’t forget to check out our t-shirts. Proceeds go to Breast Cancer Research at Magee Women’s Hospital.

Click the pic.

Our FIRST Wedding Jagoff Posting!!!

When you think of it, there is soooooo much potential for somone to catch a wedding Jagoff in action.

*   The Best Man who forgets the rings.

*   The Maid of Honor who passes out during the vows.

*   Ex-partners that show up un-announced.

*   Hokey Pokey Dancers.

*   Guests that place a wrapped EMPTY box on the gift table and then proudly take two passes through the rigatoni, chicken and salad buffet then make 3 trips to the cookie table.

*   Your Uncle Stush who accidentally hip-checks your Aunt Kitty into the bridal table because alcohol has given him some “dancing legs” and he doesn’t REALLY know all the steps to the electric slide.

Well here’s OUR first!

Seems that the beautiful, young, loving couple above were involved in their wedding ceremony when, not once, NOT TWICE, but THREE SEPARATE TIMES some guy’s cell phone rang to the tune of “Yankee Doodle Dandee!”  (Not three rings for one phone call.  Three separate phone calls).

Now there ain’t ONE of us that can say our cell phone hasn’t embarrassed us at least once.  Let he without cellphone embarrassment cast the first phone!

But to NOT BE A CERTIFIED ON-CALL TRANSPLANT SURGEON and have your cell phone go off 3 separate times during the same wedding without you turning it down, turning it off or SMASHING IT into the floor with your heel, deserves SOME type of recognition – and this person ALMOST got it AT the wedding from bride and groom themselves.  But NO!  This young couple made one of the best decisions they could have so early on in their marriage – – they continued on with their vows and then calmly contacted US to call attention to this matter.

Hey “Cellphone Bill” (Get it?  We called him Bill!), you should feel pretty lucky that the Groom didn’t stuff your cell phone into a place where the camera could’ve told  us whether or not you have rectal polyps!  But he and his bride have ONE simple request before you attend your next wedding:  please download “Ave Maria” “Here Comes The Bride” or at least church bells for your ringtone.  (We’re all betting that you have one of those silly “La Cucaracha” horns on your ’73 Chevy Nova too!)  And, by the way, the bride and groom REALLY appreciate the thoughtful, everlasting gift you gave them – – your “Yankee Doodle Dandee” ring tone blasting over their vows on the wedding video, Ya Jagoff!!!


Make sure you go get one of our “Don’t Be A Jagoff” T-shirts RIGHT NOW!!!!  CLICK HERE!