You’ve been there…. the work place meeting breakfast all set up on a meeting table:
- Cardboard box of come expensive whole-lotta-spensive-crappalotta-mocha
- Paper plates
- Junky napkins that feel as soft as the bark on an oak tree
- Bagels the side of a baby’s head
- Yogurt and Granola
- A bin of butter
- A bin of assorted flavored cream cheeses
- A pile of plastic knives that are as bendy as a yoga instructor
And, who could forget…Gum.. chewed up, rolled up GUM!
Yeppir, that’s what that thingy is sticking to the table at the work meeting! Here’s the message that came with the photo:
During our meeting at the office somebody just stuck their gum on the table where all the food was……the garbage can was just a few feet away.
Hey Work Gumby (that one was almost too easy)…for gawd sakes… don’ ya know that you’re supposed to put your gum under the rim of your paper plate if you want to re-use it after eating an Everything Bagel? And if you’re NOT going to reuse it, please have the cooth to dispose of it like people at work with manners do… properly stick it on the underside of your desk or desk chair to that employees 10 years from now can gag over it! The breakfast table ain’t no Kennywood/Tunderbolt “Gum Wall” Ya Jagoff!
Thanks, once again, to Nicole Borello for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher (her 4th submission) and, practically, our San Francisco Jagoff Catching Bureau Chief!
See Nicole’s other Work Jagoff Submissions here.
Every rush hour there are long lines of traffic to sit in. And every rush hour, there are drivers who believe that THEIR schedule is MORE IMPORTANT than yours – so they slide up along the line of 30, or so vehicles of drivers some of who are paying attention, some on their phones, some picking their nose, some cleaning their car out….whatever… while waiting patiently in line..then try to eek in at the front of the line.
So let’s give this driver the benefit of the doubt and say, they ACCIDENTALLY got into the wrong lane and SUDDENLY found themselves in a rush-hour quandary.
Well the guess what? There’s a novel solution for that…obey the signs of the road and the flow of the traffic then pick a safe place to turn around and head whatever direction you want to drive!
Oh wait, you can’t or won’t do that because that extra driving time might make you late for work but, don’t worry, the rest of us all of jobs and bosses that don’t CARE what time WE show up for work, YA JAGOFF!
So the Oxford Dictionary has allowed the ‘Face with Tears of Joy’ emoji in its dictionary and named it the Word of the Year, 2015?
Why you dirty sunza $#@!*’s. It’s not even a word… its a phrase or a thing or ….
Here’s their excuse:
This year Oxford University Press have partnered with leading mobile technology business SwiftKey to explore frequency and usage statistics for some of the most popular emoji across the world, and 😂 was chosen because it was the most used emoji globally in 2015. SwiftKey identified that 😂 made up 20% of all the emojis used in the UK in 2015, and 17% of those in the US: a sharp rise from 4% and 9% respectively in 2014. The word emoji has seen a similar surge: although it has been found in English since 1997, usage more than tripled in 2015 over the previous year according to data from the Oxford Dictionaries Corpus.
So they explain this off my saying the world is changing to using computer generated hieroglyphics ? Time for each one of us to rise up and MORE THAN TRIPLE OUR USE OF THE WORD “JAGOFFS!” Hey Oxford Dictionary, put in Jagoffs in the Oxford Dictionary, Ya Jagoffs! Or better said as….