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Restaurant Jagoffs

Apr 5 2012

Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

A guest blog today from Eric Carroll, of the music group Ernie and The Berts!!

This is one of those things that leaves me to ponder “why has no one ever thought of that?” Much like restroom faucets where you can’t get your hand under the water without touching the side of the sink basin, or the how the lanes merge on the Fort Pitt bridge, this is just incredibly poor planning.

I’ve seen this sign (above) at many drive-through locations but this just happened to be one where I could grab a good photo. You can see how ridiculous it is.

It’s asking you to have your order ready when you pull up to the speaker. Buuuuuuuut only someone with vision like Superman would be able to see the menu before they’re actually at the speaker. You may argue that this an extremely familiar menu that we’ve all seen a countless number of times… so we should know it by now. Be that as it may, the thing is always changing… and you might want to see the menu before you order.

What if something strikes you as good after you see it on the menu even though you had planned on ordering something else? What if you have $5 in your wallet and want to make the best of that dollar menu and get the most meal for your money? What if your incredibly indecisive friend is in the passengers seat forcing you to try & recite the entire menu from memory?

When it comes down to it, the sign is requesting the impossible. You’d think it would fit perfectly… right beside a menu, so you could peruse at your leisure before pulling up to the magic little box to hear the garbled message asking if you’d like to try a value meal or whatever other promotion they’re pushing. (Again, peeing in the face of progress by having you make a decision on a new option after you’re supposed to have gotten your order all ready.)  They’re contradicting themselves at every car length!

Dear fast-food drive-thru engineers, did you guys FAIL your how-tangents-and-cotangents-meet-real-life exam… Ya Jagoffs?

Since you’re reading, this, check out our previous post about signs in the Heidelberg McDonald’s Drive Thru HERE!

Thanks again to Eric Carroll of the music group Ernie and The Berts for today’s post!!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Eric Carroll, Guest Blog, Restaurant Jagoffs • Comments

Mar 9 2012

Hey, Your PAWP Glasses Are The Best!!!

This might be one of the craziest posts we’ve made in a while. We’d tell ya to sit down for this one, but then again, who stands while using a computer…. unless you’re using you’re iPhone n’at. Here’s one from Pittsburgh’s very own…Stroll Inn! (cue applause)

The Stroll Inn is a little restaurant and bar out in Kennedy Township. They got REALLY famous when the Pittsburgh Pirates staff threatened to boycott them last year. So here’s post that went up on their Facebook site the other day.

This is how I know there is a full moon…Lady comes in the kitchen asks me to sit down at a table with her. I say, “no, I’m cooking.” I ask, “What can I do for you?” She replies:

“I really like the glasses you use for pop. I took 4 of them…they hold up better than the ones I bought at JC Penny! Can you give me 2 more?”

Haa.. haaaaa.. haaaaaaa….. So the lady STOLE 4 glasses and then came back and said that she really liked them so much and she asked for 2 more!!! The things that make ya say “What in theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hell?”

Our bet is this lady probably started years ago by stealing Sweet n’ Low packets. And we fully expect her to enter the Stroll Inn one day and say, “Do you mind helping me load this into my trunk? Hey I really like you’re tables. They’re the perfect height. I’ve already taken 2.”

Lady, we don’t know who you are but we appreciate the humor in your life of high-etiquette-thievery. A woman of YOUR stature probably dabs the corners of her mouth with a stack of stolen Primanti napkins while you’re eating “complimentary” Sam’s Club quiche and spanakopita, that you tossed down the front of your drawers during the last shopping trip, while you’re sitting at home in front of your TV that has a base that’s cracked because you had to rip it off of the bolts that were securing it to the night stand at the North Fayette Micro-tel.

And after your next trip to “The Stroll,” don’t worry about walking home jingling with your sweat pants full of silverware, just grab one of the Port Authority buses that got by. Drive it home. Park it in front of your house, leave the keys in it and simply call the Port Authority’s new “Enterprise Rental Division” to come fetch it when it’s convenient for you to turn it back in, Ya Jagoff!!!!

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Thanks to Estelle Aversa, owner of the Stroll Inn and Facebook follower for letting us post this. Also, thanks to Casey Stangl of C. Stangl’s Angle Photography (Las Vegas with Pittsburgh roots) for letting us use and torture one of his awesome wine glass pics. Click the pics below to get to the Stroll Inn and C. Stangl Angle Photography pages.

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Feb 13 2012

Is This Enough Napkins?

So we go to Primanti’s for .. oh, it doesn’t matter what.  Possibly it was to celebrate losing 10lbs on a New Year’s Resolution I made “to eat more healthy.”

Either way, we KNOW that any visit to Primanti’s Brothers means lots of napkins.  So we really appreciate it when the servers stop by and plop down a 3-inch stack of napkins.

On the other hand we do not like it when the staff thinks that they’re doing us a favor by stuffing so many napkins into the napkin holder that you can’t get one of ‘em out!!!!  There was so much napkin padding in that thing you would’ve thought that, the person who stuffed them, was making a new concussion-proof hockey helmet for the Penguins’ Sidney Crosby.

So now we’re elbows deep into a salami-and-cheese sandwich and the cole slaw juice is running down our fingers toward our wrists.  In our bestest “Primanti Table Manners,” we talk with our mouthful and say, “Can you pleath hand me a napthkin?“  What happens next is napkin travesty.

The person nearest that napkin holder starts to frantically try and tear napkins out to pass over to us…… but the whole deal ends up looking like the start of a paper mache party with pieces of napkin shrapnel all over the table as the cole slaw juice makes its way toward my elbows.  Finally, someone at the table has the wherewithal to press the “secret button” on the napkin holder and “BOOM!”…..napkins come popping out of that thing faster than 40 “LIKES” happen for a new post on the Pittsburgh Dad Facebook page!

So to all servers and bus staff (in any restaurant cuz this can happen ANYWHERE not just Primanti’s), you’re not doing us any favors by power-loading the napkin holder.  It’s like putting twice as much Turtle Wax on your car because you think it’s gonna make it EXTRA SHINY, Ya Jagoffs!!!!

 

Don’t forget your St. Patrick’s day shirt.  Click the pick to find it on our store!

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Feb 2 2012

What Would The TomTom Say?

Hey, it’s Ground Hog Day.  Maybe Ground Hog Day was actually 6 weeks ago and Phil predicted INSTANT SPRING for this month!!!

Phil and Ground Hog Day have nothing to do with this post, BUT, mentioning it in a blog TODAY, helps with Google Rankings! (Yep, we’re Jaaaaaa.. well.. you know.) 

Now to the business at hand.   We were at one of the absolute SLOWEST McDonald’s ANYWHERE.  Not just this particular day.  Pretty much anytime we’ve ever been to this McD’s for a “quick” lunch over the past 2 years, we’ve waited in line so long that excessive amounts of junk mail had accumulated at our house.

While waiting, we’re thinking “How will this transaction make it to on of our posts?” We received our food and VOILA, like a Holy Jag Grail, THERE IT IS!!!

A Stop Sign, coupled with a Yeild sign, followed by a Stop Sign. (What?  Ah-HUH!) See the closer look below.

OK, so it’s easy to understand two Stop Signs right after another but, what’s the buzz with the Yield/Stop sign?  Our TomTom might get confused!!!  What would the TomTom say?

Go north, 15 yeards and prepare to turn Right. Stop. Yield, Stop, Yield.  Go, Stop. Go, Yield, Stop.

God!  The TomTom would almost sound like someone giving back-scratching instructions:

To the right.  Stop, Ok! Ohhhh. Lower. Keep Going.  Go.  To the left.  Higher.  A little over to the left. Oooooooo. Oh!  Stop. Wait, one more on lower right!

It’s also like saying, “This combo meal comes with fries but there are no fries with it.” (What?  Ah-HUH!)

Hey Micky D’s in Bridgeville, NO WONDER you can’t get the lunch time rush under control.  Even the road signs are screwed up! Wondering if, at closing time, the ”signage manager” stands at the back door CONFUSED because the sign on the door says, “Keep Door Closed AT ALL Times!” (Hey, how we s’posed to get out?)  God knows your Drive-Thru customers are confused about how to get out, Ya Jagoffs!

Don’t forget the HUUUUUUUGE Celebrity Ice Hockey Game coming up March 31, 2012!!!! 

Lots of media types, retired Penguins, and Slapshot’s Hanson Brothers!!!!!! 

Click the pic below to get your tickets.  (Last year it sold out at over 1200 people!)

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By Jagoff Catcher • Driving Jagoffs, Restaurant Jagoffs • Comments • Tags: , ,

Jan 25 2012

A True Soda Jerk, I Mean, Jagoff! (I Mean POP!)

This can happen anywhere you find a “free refills” soda fountain.  We just happened to have this happen at an Arby’s and didn’t have the guts to click a pic of the person who we’re about to talk about.  Too close for comfort—-even for us!

List of Events:

1)  Lady in front of us orders food and drink.

2) Lady in front of us gets empty cup to go fill at the soda fountain machine.

3) I order my food and drink.

4) I get an empty cup to go fill at the soda fountain machine.

5) I go to soda fountain machine to get some pop.

6) All events now come to a SCREEEEEEEEEECHING HALT.

It seems that the lady in front of me has to make sure that she fills her cup to the very top to get her money’s worth.  Tssssssst! The machine fills her cup and she lets the foam die down. Tsssst, tssst!  I couple of shorter soda bursts pops the foam bubbles and fills the cup ALMOST to the top.  Tsssst, Tsst, Tsssssst! Whoa.. gotta spill some foam out. Tsssst, tssst!  Almost to the top but not quite. (One more shot.) Tsssssssst!  Ooops got some on her hand (wipes hand on pants).  Tssssst! FULL!!!!

Now she stands right in front of the machine with her food tray and purse, elbows spread out like a roller derby babe, as she tries to squeeze the lid on the cup without losing any overflow!  Nobody behind her can get a drink.  This lady is officially doing  a COKE-Block on us (Funny, huh?)

(Yes!  We know it’s a Pepsi machine photo and we said Coke-block. Pepsi-block just didn’t work.)

Tsssst! Tssssssssst! Tsst! Tssssssssst!  Spill.  Tsssst! Tsssssssssst! Tst! Tsst!  Sip, Tsssssst!  Add more ice, Tsssssst! Tst!  Poke floating ice with finger, lick finger, Tst!  Apply lid, spill some, oops, spilled too much, Tssst! Tssssssst!  Apply lid. Insert straw.  Sip loose pop, that leaked out around the straw, from top of lid.  (Are you feeling as frustrated as we felt yet?)

Hey lady, it’s FREE REFILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You DON’T have to stand there and empty the fountain tanks into your cup to feel like you’re getting over on the restaurant while the rest of us look on as if we were watching a Latte Artist.

How about THIS unselfish thought….drink what you have, get out of everyone else’s way and ONLY come back when you NEED more pop, Ya Jagoff!!!!

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