Restaurant Jagoffs

Is This Enough Napkins?

So I go to Primanti’s for .. oh, it doesn’t matter what.  Possibly it was to celebrate losing 10lbs thanks to a commitment that I made to myself to “eat more healthy.

Either way, I KNOW that any visit to Primanti’s Brothers means lots of napkins.  So I really appreciate it when the servers stop by and plop down a 3-inch stack of napkins.

On the other hand I do not like it when the staff thinks that they’re doing us all a favor by stuffing so many napkins into the napkin holder that you can’t get one of ’em out!!!!  There was so much napkin padding in that thing you would’ve thought that, the person who stuffed them, was making a new concussion-proof hockey helmet for the NHL.

So now I’m elbows deep into a salami-and-cheese sandwich and the cole slaw juice is running down my fingers toward my wrists.  In my bestest “Primanti Table Manners,” I talk with a mouthful and say, “Can you pleath hand me a napthkin?”  What happens next is napkin travesty.

The person nearest that napkin holder starts to frantically try and tear napkins out to pass over to us…… but the whole deal ends up looking like the start of a paper mache party with pieces of napkin shrapnel all over the table as the cole slaw juice makes its way toward my elbows.  Finally, someone at the table has the wherewithal to press the “secret button” on the napkin holder and “BOOM!”…..napkins come popping out of that thing faster than 4000 “LIKES” happen for a new post on Facebook about BACON!

So to all servers and bus staff (in any restaurant cuz this can happen ANYWHERE not just Primanti’s), you’re not doing us any favors by power-loading the napkin holder.  It’s like putting twice as much Turtle Wax on your car because you think it’s gonna make it EXTRA SHINY, Ya Jagoffs!!!!


A True Soda Jerk, I Mean, Jagoff! (I Mean POP!)

This can happen anywhere you find a “free refills” soda fountain.  I just happened to have this happen at an Arby’s and didn’t have the guts to click a pic of the person who I am about to talk about.  Too close for comfort—-even for me!

List of Events:

1)  Lady in front of me orders food and drink.

2) Lady in front of me gets empty cup to go fill at the soda fountain machine.

3) I order my food and drink.

4) I get an empty cup to go fill at the soda fountain machine.

5) I go to soda fountain machine to get some pop.

6) All events now come to a SCREEEEEEEEEECHING HALT.

It seems that the lady in front of me has to make sure that she fills her cup to the very top to get her money’s worth.  Tssssssst! The machine fills her cup and she lets the foam die down. Tsssst, tssst!  I couple of shorter soda bursts pops the foam bubbles and fills the cup ALMOST to the top.  Tsssst, Tsst, Tsssssst! Whoa.. gotta spill some foam out. Tsssst, tssst!  Almost to the top but not quite. (One more shot.) Tsssssssst!  Ooops got some on her hand (wipes hand on pants).  Tssssst! FULL!!!!

Now she stands right in front of the machine with her food tray and purse, elbows spread out like a roller derby babe, as she tries to squeeze the lid on the cup without losing any overflow!  Nobody behind her can get a drink.  This lady is officially doing  a COKE-Block on us (Funny, huh?)

(Yes!  We know it’s a Pepsi machine photo and we said Coke-block. Pepsi-block just didn’t work.)

Tsssst! Tssssssssst! Tsst! Tssssssssst!  Spill.  Tsssst! Tsssssssssst! Tst! Tsst!  Sip, Tsssssst!  Add more ice, Tsssssst! Tst!  Poke floating ice with finger, lick finger, Tst!  Apply lid, spill some, oops, spilled too much, Tssst! Tssssssst!  Apply lid. Insert straw.  Sip loose pop, that leaked out around the straw, from top of lid.  (Are you feeling as frustrated as we felt yet?)

Hey lady, it’s FREE REFILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You DON’T have to stand there and empty the fountain tanks into your cup to feel like you’re getting over on the restaurant while the rest of us look on as if we were watching a Latte Artist.

How about THIS unselfish thought….drink what you have, get out of everyone else’s way and ONLY come back when you NEED more pop, Ya Jagoff!!!!

Awesome Jagoff Catch on a Port Authority Bus



We all know about Pittsburgh’s “Going Green” initiatives.  But this guy seems to have a different understanding. He doesn’t get that the whole “earth returned to earth” thing is for the OUTSIDE!

He was sitting on a Port Authority bus… enjoying life…relaxing…eating sunflower seeds.. and throwing the shells on the bus floor.

You can watch the original Vine video here.

What?  Have ya watched too many Pirates games this season …watching the boys in the dugout spitting shells around the diamond.  It IS plausible ya know..maybe some people aren’t used to watching so much baseball and picked up some bad habits!

Hey Johnny SUNFLOWERseed… (did ya see what I just did there with the APPLESEED thingy?)…as my grandfather might say, “Would you do that in your own house?” WAIT!! Don’t answer that.

Seriously…. this is a bus.. that other people use too.  It might not be the most timely, the most efficient or have the happiest drivers but we clearly don’t need to be following YOU around the system with a ShopVac.  I would appreciate it if you would NOT throw your shells around on the bus.  I have shared my seat with some unique riders over the years and I would prefer not to find myself sitting next to a family of RACOONS!

If ya wanna throw shells on the floor, go to the Park House, Ya Jagoff!