May 19 2014
So I go to Primanti’s for .. oh, it doesn’t matter what. Possibly it was to celebrate losing 10lbs thanks to a commitment that I made to myself to “eat more healthy.”
Either way, I KNOW that any visit to Primanti’s Brothers means lots of napkins. So I really appreciate it when the servers stop by and plop down a 3-inch stack of napkins.
On the other hand I do not like it when the staff thinks that they’re doing us all a favor by stuffing so many napkins into the napkin holder that you can’t get one of ‘em out!!!! There was so much napkin padding in that thing you would’ve thought that, the person who stuffed them, was making a new concussion-proof hockey helmet for the NHL.
So now I’m elbows deep into a salami-and-cheese sandwich and the cole slaw juice is running down my fingers toward my wrists. In my bestest “Primanti Table Manners,” I talk with a mouthful and say, “Can you pleath hand me a napthkin?” What happens next is napkin travesty.
The person nearest that napkin holder starts to frantically try and tear napkins out to pass over to us…… but the whole deal ends up looking like the start of a paper mache party with pieces of napkin shrapnel all over the table as the cole slaw juice makes its way toward my elbows. Finally, someone at the table has the wherewithal to press the “secret button” on the napkin holder and “BOOM!”…..napkins come popping out of that thing faster than 4000 “LIKES” happen for a new post on Facebook about BACON!
So to all servers and bus staff (in any restaurant cuz this can happen ANYWHERE not just Primanti’s), you’re not doing us any favors by power-loading the napkin holder. It’s like putting twice as much Turtle Wax on your car because you think it’s gonna make it EXTRA SHINY, Ya Jagoffs!!!!