Port Authority

May 8 2012

Pittsburgh Marathon And… The Port Authority

So it looks like the Pittsburgh Marathon was a success in many ways but, it’s not without it’s Jagoffery (yesterday’s post) and who would EVER miss  an opportunity to take a crack at the money-losing-we-gotta-cut-the-service-but-raise-the-rates-because-we’re-about-as-cutting-edge-as-calling-a-bathroom-a-lavatory Port Authority of Allegheny County.

Here’s the note we got from one of the 1/2 Marathon runners:

Dear Port Authority of Allegheny County:

With such an awesome day, it is hard to be negative BUT you can kiss my a##.

Not only are your schedules for the “T” unreliable, you’d think that you would adjust things knowing that there are 25,000 runners in town and a Pirates game going on.

You spent $523,400,000 (yes MILLION) on the North Shore Connector and what do you have to show for it?

We ended up waiting 45-minutes at Gateway Center for a five minute ride to the General Robinson Garage all to find the car fully packed with nobody able to board.  After running 13 miles, the last thing I wanted to do was to walk to my car.

Sincerely,

A pi**ed off tax payer.

Haaaa… nice note Ryan!  Great passion!  Imagine if you could have been THIS mad during your run.  Next race, we suggest hanging a pic of a Port Authority bus or administrator in front of you like an apple on a stick …..we’re thinking that will cut off 5-minutes from your next run time!

Well, you know us.  We approached the folks at the Port Authority about this and, first, they apologized to all of the runners who ran all those miles, then were forced to stand still for 45 + minutes….getting to the point where they thought that their legs had rigor mortise setting in.

Secondly, the Port Authority DID have plan to add more cars to the North Shore “T” line that day.  The problem is that the North Shore ”T” track is soooooo short that, adding anymore cars would have only built what would have effectively been a “T Car Expensive Hallway” under the river cuz there wouldn’t have been any room for the cars to move!   It’s kinda like that friend of yours that thinks piling on a whole can of car wax on his hood at one time will make the hood more shiney!!!  (NOPE…just makes it harder to buff!)

Hey Port Authority, seems that your math skills are a little lacking AGAIN!!!

As Sister Aniceta taught us in Catholic School….The number of people coming downtown DIVIDED by number of seats on a bus or subway car seems to be an equation that works for US to solve for X (x=number of transport vehicles needed).

Guessing you didn’t spend the kind of time WE did in Sister Aniceta’s after school detention where she made everyone there do impossible divisions problems long-hand, Ya Jagoffs!!!

Thanks to Ryan Butscher, long time follower, for today’s post and for, once again, being an honorary Jagoff Catcher

Also, this is Nurses Week.  Click HERE for our little video for nurses.

 

Don’t Forget To Get Your Beach or Sideline Chair!

Tell everyone, ”This is MY seat, Ya Jagoff!” 

Share

By Jagoff Catcher • Port Authority • 0 • Tags: , ,

Mar 26 2012

The Dead Horse Has Left The Station

 

How many jokes have been done about the 4-year long, Port Authority’s $523.4 million, 1.2 mile light-rail extension North Shore Connection project?

Given that the connector, now called TPlus, is finally up and running, we thought we would give it one last shot!  We chose the WTAE-TV version of the story since  they interviewed one of the happy drivers who is soooooo excited that he’s a Steelers Fan and he gets to see Heinz Field every time his vehicle comes up out of the tunnel on the North Shore. (See WTAE video here…You have to see this guy.) By the way, funny how all of the reporters who were beating up on this punch-bag-of-a-news-story for 4 years and now they can’t wait to take a ride!

Back to the happy driver, in one 8-hour shift, how many trips of hauling drunk sports fans and seeing drunk concert goers peeing on the side of his machine, as he pulls up to the deck, will it take before he doesn’t give two beans about seeing Heinz Field??  And isn’t this how Pittsburgh’s own Michael Keaton started… driving the “Neighborhood of Make Believe” Trolley for Mr. Rogers at WQED?  Do you think Mr. Happy Driver is sooo happy because he thinks HIS bumper-trolley driving is going to lead HIM to a Batman role in 10 years?

In the meantime, we find some unique similarities between the new TPlus and The Mr. Rogers Trolley.

Comparing the to pics above, the routes look awkwardly similar–about the same length.

The Mr. Rogers’ trolley traveled to the Neighborhood of Make Believe and the new TPlus takes people to the Casino-of-make-believe.

Do you think the little whislte, that road in the front of the Mr. Rogers Trolley, would get all excited at the site of Heinz Field and “toot-toot” every time just like it did when it passed King Friday’s Castle?

Soooooo, we are REALLY looking forward to the “mortgage burning party” that occurs when enough passengers ride this thing, at $2.25 per person, to pay off the $523.4 million.  In the meantime, we’re a little confused, cuz, the North Shore parking lots have lowered their parking rates on weekdays to help downtown workers save money by parking in their lots and taking the connector the final 1.2 miles to downtown.  But we also know that these are the same parking lots that raise their prices for every sporting event and concert……so does THAT mean that the downtown lots will lower THEIR rates so that, for these events, people can park downtown cheaply and go to the stadi-i (our own plural version of stadium) on the North Shore?

One thing we DO know, the new North Shore Connector does NOT give our fair city a way to create another unique ”(Insert Name Here) Memorial Run” event  because the entire length of the 4-year long, $523.4 million North Shore Connector, out and back, doesn’t even equal 5K, Ya Jagoffs!!!

 

Vote Now!!!  Pittsburgh Magazine Poll – Favorite Blogger!!

Last summer you helped us win one of CBS-Pittsburgh’s Best Blogger Awards. 

Pittsburgh Magazine now has a poll.  We would appreciate your vote, click below to get to the ballot.

VOTE

 

 

 

 

Share

By Jagoff Catcher • Community Leaders, Port Authority • 3 • Tags: , , ,

Dec 7 2011

If We Cut Service And Charge More – “They Will Come.” What?

 

Over the weekend, the Post Office announced they are still bleeding, financially, and that they were going to have to cut back on service including the fact that a First Class stamp may not get the standard First Class service anymore.  So we might not get ”speedy delivery” DESPITE the fact that we are paying more for it than we ever have.

A week or two ago, the Port Authority of Allegheny County announced that they are still losing money and that they may have to cut service again DESPITE the fact that the current bus rides are some of the most unreasonable prices you can find for a 4-mile inconvenient ride.  But for some reason they cannot understand why ridership is down.

We are currently working on the following rumor regarding the Post Office:

You may have to walk your mail to the mailbox closest to the recipient’s location and and then pay a “mailbox opening” fee to put the letter in on top of the postage fee.

An ongoing rumor at the Port Authority that we are working to verify is:

You may have to catch a bus on Tuesday at 9:30am in Coraopolis to get to start your job at Children’s Hospital at 7pm on Wednesday.

But what’s a little inconvenience, right?  It’s a great way to catch some “Quotes On The Bus!”

So where have we heard THIS business case study before, “We may offer a horrible product but we’re gonna have to charge you more for it?”  (C’mon, think hard!)

Did you guess the Pittsburgh Pirates?

Hey Post Office and Port Authority, maybe you should ask yourselves, “What would Wal-Mart do?”  Or even more locally, “What Would UPMC do?”

We know what BOTH would do.  They would cut costs buy bullying every supplier selling stuff to them: “We will not pay what you want us to pay for your product or service.  We’re in control here and if you want to do business with us we will pay you something close to 10-cents on a dollar.”  Hey, you can’t argue with the tactics, they’re making money!!!!

Are there any administrators at the Post Office and Port Authority who passed 6th grade math?

Hey Stevie Bland and Patty-Cake Dohue, as the administrators of these two organizations you guys need a little lesson in 4th grade made… drawing bunches of apples and doing “take-aways.”

Here’s the KEY business point, if you continue to take away the service and keep increasing your prices, you eventually end up out of business and broke, unless you’re a couple of free-riddin’ government administrators, Ya Jagoffs!

 

Our final Guest Blog post is tommorrow – from the authors of www.HighHeelsandHockey.com

Share

By Jagoff Catcher • Community Leaders, Port Authority • 0 • Tags: , , ,

Sep 23 2011

The Wheels On The Bus Go……..NOWHERE!!!

What helps ya sit through Pittsburgh rush-hour traffic?  Radio?  iPod? Talking to your carpool buddies? Putting your make-up on or reading your Kindle while driving one-handed?  Here’s what helps us – catching drivers being…. , well, YOU know!!!!!

So we’re sitting there minding our own business waiting for the traffic light in front of us to turn green.  As plain as day, we can see the City crew blocking the bus lane in front of us as they empty the garbage cans along the street.  As plain as day, we can see the traffic light turn YELLOW for the crossing traffic.  And, as plain as day, we see this bus pull accross the interesection AS THE LIGHT IS TURNING YELLOW !!

What’s better than a jagoff driver?  One of us being there to snap a photo of him!!!!! (Haaaaa..haaaaaaaaa!) Yep, laughing because, in the old days, I would have gotten REALLY mad at this but, NAY NAY, say me!!!  Now I just pull out the trusty iPhone and create a blog post!! (My local pharmacy blood pressure medicine dealer is NOT happy!  He may NOT be able to send his 4th kid to college.)

Back to the matter at hand – so if Mr. Busdriver saw the garbage gang blocking his path, why would he even THINK he should pull his bus forward?  Maybe he forgot and thought he was  driving a Smart Car!

Well, Mr. I-am-a-professional-driver-And-you-can-tell-because-I-wear-cool-black-leather-driving-gloves, not sure what they taught you in bus driving school but we’re prit-TEEEE sure that it didn’t involve blocking intersections during rush hour.  Here’s OUR thought, maybe you’re moonlighting for the Super Lawyers, Rosen Louik and Perry (name on the side of the bus) and they give ya a tip for making people stare at the side of the bus through two full traffic lights evolutions.

Now THERE’S a solution, maybe we’ll buy Ya Jagoff signsto put on the sides of all of the buses.  Then again, maybe not Mr. Intersection-blocker, because that would be like putting a NAME TAG on YOUR bus, Ya Jagoff!!!

 

NOTE:  Wouldn’t that be great to see our logo on the buses? Then you’d say to your friend, “Did you just see what that Jagoff bus did?” And then you’re friend would say, “Which one,?”  Nobody would know if you were talking about the signs or the drivers!!!!

 

Speaking of buses, don’t forget that every Saturday we know have a post on our blog from the Facebook page called, “Quotes on the Bus!”  If you’re still on Facebook after this past week, go LIKE the page HERE!

If you’re MAD at Facebook, feel free to right-click the sign below, save it and share it with your friends.

\

 

Share

By Jagoff Catcher • Port Authority • 0 • Tags: , ,

Mar 30 2011

Port Authority Bus Cuts Jagoff

I told ya this was comin’.  It was just a matter of time before the REAL JAGOFF reared their ugly head.

Last week, Pat McMahon says he’s a saint, he and his members have offered $19 million in cuts to help save the Port Authority, to help save his member’s jobs and to SERVE THE RIDERS OF THE COMMUNITY!!!!  He was OUTRAGED that their proposal was turned down without comment.

Theeeeeeeeeeeen it comes out.  His proposal was a shell game – his retired members STILL get $32 million dollars in health care benefits, salaries, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.  The biggest cost in the entire budget issue not even addressed!  No wonder he wanted to be on the news first!

Hey Pat, the next time ya wanna make us think yer baking apple pies at home and that ya actually give a @#$% about the “poor riders that might be suffering,” maybe you’ll realize that EVERYONE ELSE is paying more for their healthcare these days and not able to retire with such swanky bennies.  Sure, there’s enough mismanagement blame to go around with the PAT issue, but the next time ya wanna be seen as the patron saint of public transit, howzabout making sure yer entire leg is shaved CLEAN before ya lift up yer skirt to show everyone watcha got, Ya Jagoff!!

(Meantime, I’m just gonna keep posting multiple Jagoff examples of yer “professional”  Unshaven-Shirt-opened-to-the-belly-Grumbling-Can’t-pull-to-the-curb-Talking-on-the-cell-phone-while-driving-Can’t-answer-any-questions drivers!!!)

 

BTW- there actually are a lot of REALLY NICE PAT drivers.  I may even post a coupla them just to put some peer pressure on the JAGOFF drivers

Share

By Jagoff Catcher • Port Authority • 1 • Tags: ,

1 2