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Port Authority

Feb 18 2013

It Just Takes One Bus……

Ok… one bad apple doesn’t spoil the whole bunch (insert whatever other cliche you want).  No doubt I have seen some GOOD bus drivers.  BUT, I can pretty much assure that ALL of you have seen this.

So the theory behind buses is that they’re  supposed to create LESS traffic, right?  But, here at the blog, we have ANOTHER theory…it only takes one bus to screw up a whole line of traffic!  You see traffic held up on a main road… you just assume it’s a bus…unless you’re at the Squirrel Hill Tunnels.

Now, just so you know, this bus WAS stopped taking on a passenger when this picture was taken and, while it’s hard to tell, the red car on the right isn’t even close to the bus stop.  Also, you would think that the passenger would LOVE to step up into a bus from the curb as opposed to stepping out into curb-slush and walking out into the middle of the street.  But noooooooooooooo let’s save the power steering fluid for something more difficult… budgets are tight these days!!!

Bus drivers, we know you have it tough… feeling bullied with everyone doing their best to speed around you and cut you off but REALLY???  You can’t pull that thing in any closer to the curb?

Pretty sure that your CUSTOMER would appreciate it if you’d pull over to the side of the road to pick up them up aaaaaaaaaaand….if you do that, the ever-growing line of cars that have been behind you for the last 5 stop lights and 9 bus stops, in which some are male drivers over the age of 65 and have to pee frequently, would be able to go around you and go on about our life’s work, YA JAGOFF!!!

Our t-shirts are now black.  Click the pic below to get to the store for pricing.

Click HERE to order!

YJ-SuperbowlBalt

 

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Jan 18 2013

What In The Hell Mate???

YJ-Perth

For anyone that thinks we are alone in Port Authority misery, check this out.  This is from Perth, Australia.   Now keep in mind, they drive on the wrong side of the road down unda….. but…common sense still has a role… except when dealing with the local bus transportation BLOKES!

So this is rush hour.  This is a bus that had to pick up people from the LEFT and then the next move it had to make was get all the way over to the RIGHT for a right-hand turn!!!!!  Kinda reminds you of being in Downtown Pittsburgh at Stanwix Street when buses are screwing everything up …. getting a green traffic light and then stopping 10-feet through the light to drop of 60 passengers while everyone else WAITS to get through the light.

What logic goes into this stuff??  It just continues to feed our theory that “it takes 1 bus, to screw up traffic!“

The sad part is, this maneuver made TOTAL SENSE for some “traffic engineer” to design this on paper or an APP.  Yeah, sure.  The bus has to cross 4 lanes of traffic during rush hour.  That should be just fine!!!!!

And don’t blame the driver, they would have never designed this on their own!!!!

We’re thinking the designer of this route is that SAME smart alec KID that grew up at Seven Springs skiing across all of the trails…..crossing Green Square trails over Black Diamond Trails.  Hell, why not throw in an “I stop for bingos!” Dodge Aries K car in the mix somewhere too???

Hey, like the German car engineers say to the Japanese car engineers…. the reason the German cars are better is because the German engineers actually DRIVE CARS!!!  Hey Transportation Engineers, ya might want to get on one of those buses and see how these routes REALLY GO.  And while you’re doing that, you will probably realize that the silly money-taking machines you’ve installed in the front of the bus take a dollar-bill slower than my Depression-experienced grandfather, Ya Jagoffs!!!!

Thanks to @beaup33p from Twitter in AUSTRALIA for the pic and for being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today!!!!!!

Click the pic to see how to order yours!!!

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Nov 2 2012

The North Shore Connector Fail….AGAIN!

Well, sooooo many people (including us) have picked on the underground, 4-stop Pittsburgh subway track that’s called the North Shore Connector.  From the time the project was announced, thru to the day it left a bunch of runners stranded to.. well…we could go on and on… it’s been a topic of many jokes!

Sad to say.. here we go again.  KDKA’s John Shumway ran a story about the North Shore Connector breaking down underneath the river yesterday.  Some people had to walk, from the malfunctioning car,  to the North Side from underneath the river (which we admit might have been kind of cool).  Some excerpts from the the KD piece are:

“We were stuck down there for 45 minutes and the alarms were going off,”

The Port Authority’s Jim Ritchie says the train was stuck because of a mechanical failure, and to add insult to the situation, a false chemical alarm went off at the same time in the Gateway Station.

And the BESTEST one:

“For some reason, the communication to customer service was an hour behind; so they didn’t know for an hour that there was something to tell people waiting at the platform,” Ritchie (Port Authority Spokesperson) added.

(See full article here)

And the funny thing is, in an article about the SAME TOPIC in the “News Paper Whose Name Is Now Banned By Us,” they make it seem like this was no “big duh!”

Port Authority spokesman Jim Ritchie said there was no service from about 9:45  a.m. to 10 a.m., when officials started running a shuttle car back-and-forth on  the outbound tracks. Service was completely restored by 11 a.m.

Mr. Ritchie said delays were minimal and that the trains were about five minutes  off of schedule.

(See full article here)

By the way, one idea we have is to take an extra $200 Billion, Gazillion, Trillion dollars and add glass panels to the underground tunnel.  Then it will be like the “Pittsburgh Zoo Aquarium Indigenous Water Creature And Auto Junkyard” exhibit!!!  Those broken-down-car-walks wouldn’t be so bad!

Back to the original point, we don’t know what TOTALLY happened and we don’t know if people waited over an hour (like in the KDKA piece) or 5-minutes off schedule (like in the News Paper Whose Name Is Now Banned By Us story).  And we know that sometimes stuff breaks down at inopportune times.

But what we also know is.. once again this North Shore is the butt of news stories, stories about poor performance and poor communications to its customers and, HENCELY, a butt of jokes.

We’re asking can someone please, PLEASE, PA-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE find people to take the jobs at the Port Authority Admin offices, like maybe the dudes that run the H-O train set-up at the Science Center, that actually KNOW HOW TO RUN A TRANSIT SYSTEM, Ya Jagoffs??????

 

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Jul 16 2012

Does ANYONE Know How To Run A Port Authority??

So we’re sitting here thinking… remember when that Three Stooges episode showed people “volunteering” for the French Foreign Legion and, when they asked for volunteers to “step forward,” Moe and Larry stepped backward and Curly was left by himself in the front row!

That’s how we believe the previous and current leaders of the Port Authority and the leaders of it’s unions got their jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, we received this email:

When you think it can only get worse, it does! How about this article?

“More and more, it’s (Port Authority of Allegheny County) becoming an agency that’s just there to pay out benefits and not run the public service that it’s tasked with running,” said Eric Montarti, a senior policy analyst at the Castle Shannon-based Allegheny Institute for Public Policy.

Full article in Trib HERE

As an overview, the article describes in detail some of the reasons that the Port Authority is in financial ruin:

50 pension recipients are former managers who helped lead the agency

Pension costs soared 1,123 percent since the 2005 fiscal year, from $3.1 million to $37.9 million of a $333.1 million operating budget

Pension costs will be 34.5 percent of Port Authority’s $109.8 million payroll in the coming year

There are 3,294 people on the agency’s three pension plans. In addition to nearly 2,600 retirees

Haaa…. all of this in the face of a September deadline for 35 percent service cuts and more than 500 layoffs.  Yeeeesssss.. that’s the way to make money.. cut service, make it more inconvenient and difficult to use than it already is AND THEN raise the prices to use that service to a level that bascially equals the Pittsburgh Parking and Theivery Authority rates for one hour’s worth of parking.

After reading the Trib Article that was sent to us, we are now assuming that, when we drop change into the bus’ fair box, it runs into a bucket that, when the bus gets back to the garage, get’s automatically dumped into manilla envelope which is then sealed and mailed to someone named “Amy” at the AARP Magazine subscription desk so that all of the retirees can be kept up to date on cruises and the world’s best mall-walking locations!

Of course, one of our FAV Jagoff post topics, former union prez Pat “Potty Mouth” McMahon got himself a nice $60k + pension too!  Oh, glad he feels that pain of those drivers he represented!!!

Who keeps hiring these Port Authority “leaders?” Where they all failed airline pilots and boating captains that continued to run their vessels into the ground????  Hey.. maybe it’s time to channel the spirits of Moe, Larry and Curly to take over the administration of the Port Authority.. how could they do any worse?

It would make for a great name.. the Dewey, Cheatem and Howe Authority, Ya Jagoffs!!!!

Special thanks to “Tom C” from our email list for sending us this story and being our Honorary Jagoff Catcher today!

Don’t forget to check out our t-shirts.  Proceeds go to Breast Cancer Research at Magee Women’s Hospital.

Click the pic.

 

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May 8 2012

Pittsburgh Marathon And… The Port Authority

So it looks like the Pittsburgh Marathon was a success in many ways but, it’s not without it’s Jagoffery (yesterday’s post) and who would EVER miss  an opportunity to take a crack at the money-losing-we-gotta-cut-the-service-but-raise-the-rates-because-we’re-about-as-cutting-edge-as-calling-a-bathroom-a-lavatory Port Authority of Allegheny County.

Here’s the note we got from one of the 1/2 Marathon runners:

Dear Port Authority of Allegheny County:

With such an awesome day, it is hard to be negative BUT you can kiss my a##.

Not only are your schedules for the “T” unreliable, you’d think that you would adjust things knowing that there are 25,000 runners in town and a Pirates game going on.

You spent $523,400,000 (yes MILLION) on the North Shore Connector and what do you have to show for it?

We ended up waiting 45-minutes at Gateway Center for a five minute ride to the General Robinson Garage all to find the car fully packed with nobody able to board.  After running 13 miles, the last thing I wanted to do was to walk to my car.

Sincerely,

A pi**ed off tax payer.

Haaaa… nice note Ryan!  Great passion!  Imagine if you could have been THIS mad during your run.  Next race, we suggest hanging a pic of a Port Authority bus or administrator in front of you like an apple on a stick …..we’re thinking that will cut off 5-minutes from your next run time!

Well, you know us.  We approached the folks at the Port Authority about this and, first, they apologized to all of the runners who ran all those miles, then were forced to stand still for 45 + minutes….getting to the point where they thought that their legs had rigor mortise setting in.

Secondly, the Port Authority DID have plan to add more cars to the North Shore “T” line that day.  The problem is that the North Shore ”T” track is soooooo short that, adding anymore cars would have only built what would have effectively been a “T Car Expensive Hallway” under the river cuz there wouldn’t have been any room for the cars to move!   It’s kinda like that friend of yours that thinks piling on a whole can of car wax on his hood at one time will make the hood more shiney!!!  (NOPE…just makes it harder to buff!)

Hey Port Authority, seems that your math skills are a little lacking AGAIN!!!

As Sister Aniceta taught us in Catholic School….The number of people coming downtown DIVIDED by number of seats on a bus or subway car seems to be an equation that works for US to solve for X (x=number of transport vehicles needed).

Guessing you didn’t spend the kind of time WE did in Sister Aniceta’s after school detention where she made everyone there do impossible divisions problems long-hand, Ya Jagoffs!!!

Thanks to Ryan Butscher, long time follower, for today’s post and for, once again, being an honorary Jagoff Catcher

Also, this is Nurses Week.  Click HERE for our little video for nurses.

 

Don’t Forget To Get Your Beach or Sideline Chair!

Tell everyone, ”This is MY seat, Ya Jagoff!” 

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