Pet Owner Jagoffs

DOG-gone!! The Steelers Beat Michael Vick!

Yesterday, my dad posted the photo below on Facebook and Twitter.

He says it go SHARED alot but, not sure what that means since I pretty much don’t share anything.. bones, food scraps, dirty socks or couch space.  I’m not even sure he had the right to post my photo but, he gave me a pile of Milk Bones and I said it was fine!

By the way, it took me forever to type this blog.  First, the keys aren’t big enough for my paws. Second, I get frustrated when I see Internet pictures of other dogs and they have no scent.  My nose also makes the screen a mess.  And I keep hitting my eye on the corner of the laptop screen when I try to stick my head out of the Windows 2007 icon!!  My dad has also blocked any websites with pictures of fire hydrants… I don’t know why but I also know that he told me that I wasn’t allowed to “MARK” any of my favorite websites.  He says it would short out the keyboard!

OK.. so on to yesterday’s Eagles/Steelers win.  I was born near Cleveland but I have been a Steelers fan since I was a “young pup!” (Get it??)  Yesterday I had to watch that dog-torturing-Jag Michael Vick making lots of money again as a football player?? I cheered with everything I had (ran around the house barking) for the Steelers to tackle him, bite him, stick their finger in his eye through his face mask AND give him on of those “I just ate some grass and some of my old poop” dog burps right in his face while they were on top of him.

Not sure if any of that happened because I really didn’t understand any of the words that were coming out of the TV (I really only understand the words SIT, STAY, WALK, PEANUT BUTTER, TREAT and PAW.. which means TREAT eventually). But I did see him on the ground a lot.. heee.. heee..(fart)….heee!  (Whew!!  That smelled like sausage.. time for me to get up and move and look at my butt while I walk away.)

OK.. my paws are BARKING.. (Get it??) from all of this typing, plus, I think someone just dropped some food on the floor so, let’s end this thing.

But while I have the bully pulpit, I have to say one more thing, I don’t know who’s test-tasting the stuff but “beef flavored” dog food is BOGUS!!  It tastes NOTHING like the steak scraps I have been sneaked under the table a few times!!!

And Michael Vick, we’re asking the NFL “king” Roger Go-ta-hell, put a shock collar on you that activates anytime you run through the sideline’s “invisible fence.”

And finally, like Eddie Yount (one of the blog’s Facebook followers) commented, Michael Vick, you should be sentenced to selling beer in Cleveland, in the “Dawg Pound” section… and we think you should have to wear a “Dawg Pounders SUCK” shirt!

THAT would be the torture you deserve, YA JAGOFF!!!!

HEY!!! Have your pets comment below on my blog post. 

AND PLEASE CLICK SHARE!!! 

Maybe I will get a chance to write another one soon!!

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What Dog Owner’s DON’T Do With Dog Doo-Doo!

WOW!  We have been waiting for a chance to post this type of Pet Owner Jagoff for nearly FOREVER!!  We just never quite had the proof… or the POOP!!

Last July, Facebook Follower, Sue Donaldson posted a note on our page:

“Hey Jagoff, just because I’m the neighborhood dog lover does NOT mean I like it when you let your Jagoff dog poop in my yard!”

But we didn’t have an actual incident to put with it.

Then, our dear “friend in sarcasm” Richard D. (one of our first 10 followers EVER on our email list) sent us this pic of a sign he has in his yard.

But we didn’t have an actual incident to put with it either.

Then it happened……. a Twitter-er complained about a dog doing their business IN FRONT of THEIR business on the South Side. The tweet said:

Watching a dog take a dump on the sidewalk and having the owner do nothing makes my blood boil. Love dogs, hate people.

And the BEST part is, someone sees the Tweet and says, “You gotta get a pic for @YaJagoff!”

Boom!  Shama-lama-ding-dong! Budda-bing! Aooooooooga! Ding-ding-ding! Look out GRANDMA, the bingo game’s about to begin!  Vaaarroooooom!  Va-va-va-VOOOOOM! (Insert your OWN favorite exclamation phrase here!!)

We NOW have an actual POOP incident to post!

Seems that this happened right in front of the new Buddy’s Brews On Carson.  The pic at the top is what the owner didn’t pick up after his dog let out some gas WITH LUMPS!

Hey Mr. Doo-doo-drop Inn!  Betchin’ that you’re one of those that, when you get caught, you say, “Oh my GOSH!!!  I swear I had one of those bags in my pocket when I left the house!” And by the way, who in theeeeee hell makes their dog poop on cement???  No class if you don’t give’em some GRASS!!

Here’s what we think, if you’re caught, the penalty phase should include walking all of the dogs at the Humane Society and Animal Rescue League Shelter, every day for one week…but you have to walk behind them with your bare hand at their bottom ready to catch the droppings!

But wait!  We still have to worry about how you’ll learn to keep the neighborhood clean sooooooo..we think your punishment should also include you working a Friday and Saturday early morning where you have to walk up and down both sides of Carson Street and EAT every small token of dropped food that you find on the ground.  (And you don’t get any beverages from Buddy’s to wash it down!)

Finally, we’re gonna figure out where YOU live.  And then we’re gonna walk our pet COW by your house, right after we fed her Taco Bell, 4 Mike and Tony’s gyros, 8 trays of Chicken-on-a-Stick,  and 12 Primanti Sandwiches.  Hoping that you know how to activite the local hazmat crews, Ya Jagoff!!!!

Special thanks to @BrewsOnCarson , Sue Donaldson from Facebook, “Original Ten Email Follower” Richard D.  and @shadow for combining efforts on this as Honorary Jagoff Catchers!!!

Hey, it’s almost BEACH TIME.. Myrtle, Outerbanks, Jersey Shore.. don’t forget a beach chair that CLEARLY states you’re from Pittsburgh and that this is YOUR SEAT!!! 

Click the pick to get to the ordering page.

Our First Jagoff Pet Owner

Say what you want about cats – love ‘em or hate ‘em – they are still living creatures and tossing them away like an old cigarette butt or empty Iron City can is ridiculous!

We received the pictures above with an e-mail.  The summary is:

I was out walking my dog on Mt. Royal Boulevard and came accross a mother and 4 kittens.  They had been thrown in a box that was taped shut and the mama had scratched her way out of the box.  The kittens were only a couple of weeks old.

SHEEEESH!!!  We STILL have Catholic-guilt-nightmares today from when we were kids and took the lights off of lightning bugs to make rings on our fingers!!!  Cannot imagine what kind of dark soul would sit there and deliberately tape this box shut instead of just letting the cats run free and fend for themselves – no matter HOW MUCH you hate cats or any other living creature.

Well, we think that this deserves a page from the book, “Revenge of the Cat” by Claude Balls (not an actual book but a REALLY funny name of an actual Facebook page with ONE “Like.”)  And since it’s not a real book yet, let’s start writing it:

Chapter 1:  The feline fiend is caught

Chapter 2:  The feline fiend is de-clothed and sprayed with that stinky oil from 100 cans of tuna

Chapter 3:  You are then taped into your own cardboard box –  exposing only your toe nails and finger nails

Chapter 4:  You are DE-CLAWED without sedation (Yep, we REALLY liked that movie, “Law Abiding Citizen”)

Chapter 5:  92 cats (92 for James Harrison type of intensity) get to repeatedly jab their claws into your cuticles and those recessed corners of your exposed nail beds – you know,  those little groves like where you get ingrown toe nails?

Chapter 6:  We call the police and have them haul your scratch-post-ass off to jail.  (You see, because we are humans, WE would NOT actually just leave you on the side of the road to die!

Sure, it may sound like we are highly trained, ruthless sado masochists experts from the Guantanamo Bay, but we’re not…..we’re just people that did 8 years of hard time in a Catholic School with nuns.  So, Mr. or Mrs. Cat-boxer,  you better hope a starving vulture finds you before any of the rest of us do, YA JAGOFF!!

 

Thanks to our Honorary Jagoff Catcher and Facebook Follower Denis Lohr of PetSitPgh, LLC for today’s post!

 

Hey, you know we are selling our t-shirts to raise money for Breast Cancer Research – CLICK HERE for details.  But ALSO, Leslie Mehalek, of Nana Cat’s Soy Candles fame, is willing to give us 10% of all sales toward our fundraising if you contact her and say (or write), “I’d like to buy a candle, YA JAGOFF!”

(Don’t worry, she will take it as a term of endearment!)