News People Jagoffs

Today’s Story… A Love Triangle and a Grilling Fork and…

YJ-GrillForkYeah… you read that right!

A 74-year old woman thought her boyfriend was cheating on her with a 40-year old woman so she ALLEGEDLY attacked the 40-year old with a grill fork.  That sentence is Jagoff code for “Hey, what’s up on Fayette County?

Police say Walters received a letter stating that her boyfriend was dating another woman down the street from her home.

According to the release, Walters grabbed a large metal twin-pronged grilling fork and walked to 40-year-old Emma Wilson’s home.

See the full story here on

First off, I’m totally shocked that she received a “letter stating that her boyfriend was…”  Don’t 70-year-olds use Facebook? (My apologies to faithful follower Richard Dixon for that comment… he’s proof that some of my best friends are 70 year olds!)

So Ms. Walters finds out about the other woman and gets more mad than a an 18-year, 4 times a week, bingo veteran  who has been playing 48 cards on a cover-all game with 11 of them needing only one more number before she can yell for the jackpot and an 18-year old, first-time bingo player with one card yells “BINGO” before she does. DEATH TO THE PERSON!!!

Now, if you’re a Sons of Anarchy show fan, you know that Gemma Teller is known for her use of the grill fork.  So much so, her action figure comes accessorized with a bloody fork!


(As a side note, do you remember when action figure accessories were simple things rescue ropes or pistols?)

Maybe Ms Walters has a chance at an action figure too?  Housewives of Fayette County!  The various options of accessories would be awesome, i.e denture grip, fake tooth, “good jeans” for the big weekend night out, etc. (Go easy.. some of my best friends live in Fayette County.)

Well Ms. Walters….I know that it must have been a female that called the police to the scene because, there ain’t NO MAN in this world that would stop two girls from wrastling ’round…even if they ARE 74 and 40 years old.  It’s like a car crash and 90-year old cleavage… guys STILL have to look.

But my question to you, Ms. Walters, is this… if you’re gonna do harm to someone… why would you attack (allegedly) other woman and not your two-timing boy-buddy who’s getting Cialis and Viagra deliveries at two different addresses?

All that I know is.. good luck getting invited to any tailgate parties this football season, Ya Jagoff!



If you want my book of Jagoff stories, click below.

Above the Fries_Cover2

Breaking Bad News: Crosby Arrested, Cosby Dead and Bing Crosby Resuscitated



So do ya think that someone’s gonna lose their intern job at the over-night “death and destruction squad” news desk shift at the Ottawa Sun?  Not only did this get reported to someone but it got vetted (despite not actually happening) then it go posted and tweeted at 3:40am.

In case you can’t read the fine print and haven’t heard the story yet.  Sidney Crosby was reported to have been arrested and detained by the Ottawa police because of a traffic violation in a rented Porsche.  It even said that he had been fingerprinted and mugshotted (not sure that’s actually a word.) See story from KDKA-TV cuz it’s certainly not on the Ottawa Sun page anymore!

Eventually the Ottawa Police Chief confirmed with a statement and a tweet that his department had no interaction with Crosby, at which point, I’m fairly certain that the over-night news desk chump experienced horrible stomach and intestinal cramping knowing, full well, that they were about to become an unemployed news desk chump due to lack of integrity OR a highly-paid sports writer in Philadelphia!

As an aside, the worst thing about this story is that I didn’t even hear about it until I heard Bill Rehkopf and Ken Rice talking about this on the news.. BTW.. that’s the afternoon drive time news!  Was I under a rock all day? Jeeezus! I have to stop getting so engrossed in those DVR’d Today Shows about the Duggars. I can kill an entire day with those!

To close this out, the Ottawa Sun posted a note, of course, apologizing.  And the over-night news desk chump, was seen at the local Gasteroenterologist for uncontrollable intestinal discomfort. (The reported name of said G.I. physician, Dr. Lou Stool) <—– did that all by myself!

So to the over-night-I-can’t-wait-to-get-a-real-news-job-so-I’m-gonna-fast-track-myself-to-fame-on-this-story, good luck with your next job as an over-night burrito and gasoline maitre d’ at your local convenience store.  The weird thing is, everyone jokes about “If I saw it on the internet, it MUST be true.” You’ve changed the rules….”If I PUT it on the internet, it MUST be true!

Sorry that you’ll be unemployed but thanks for the blog material, Ya Jagoff!


Read another good article about this on the 

The winner of the 2 tickets to “The Chair” Exclusive Premiere Party tonight at 7pm is @AbbyDinges.

@AbbyDinges email us at yajagoff (at) comcast (dot) net for details.

Afterhours Golf Cart Madness


Well, you know what it’s like, right?  You’re hanging with your buddies. A few drinks happen. Ya start to argue about the Steelers’ chances in the 2015 Super Bowl, have heated discussions about the Pens new coach and how argue how one if you’s an #@$hole because he thinks Pedro Alvarez has to go.  Before that conversation turns into a fight, you change the conversation with the words:

Ya know what we should do?

And then everything that follows is  usually as series of bad choices but, heck, what have you got to lose BECAUSE YOU’RE IN THE 11TH GRADE!!!!

But these guys, mid-20’s guys thought it was a good idea to ALLEGEDLY have a few drinks and take some golf carts for a ride at 10:30-ish at night.  At some point, they get out on the road, crash and…..the best part…. a neighborhood guy chases them down by RUNNING!!! Haaaaaaa… haaaaaa….(pee trickle)…..snort… haaaaa.

See WPXI Story from Cara Sapida (@WPXICara)

This turns out to be one of those embarrassing stories that you and your buddies make a pact that you’ll NEVER tell anyone what happened EXCEPT for the fact that……the older neighbor chased your 24-year old ARSE down and called the police and then somehow it got on the news.

Boys, since ya seem to like drinking and driving golf carts (which is what most people do despite the fact that they call it GOLFING) here’s a joke you can tell the boys during your hot-dog turn the next time you’re out.

Q: Why does a golfer where two pair of pants?

A: In case he gets a hole in one!”

What’s that you say?  That joke is childish?

To that I say, no more childish than 3 mid-20 dudes who let a few beers ALLEGEDLY convince them that joy-riding in golf carts 10:30 at night is good idea, Ya Jagoffs!