News People Jagoffs

Breaking Bad News: Crosby Arrested, Cosby Dead and Bing Crosby Resuscitated

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So do ya think that someone’s gonna lose their intern job at the over-night “death and destruction squad” news desk shift at the Ottawa Sun?  Not only did this get reported to someone but it got vetted (despite not actually happening) then it go posted and tweeted at 3:40am.

In case you can’t read the fine print and haven’t heard the story yet.  Sidney Crosby was reported to have been arrested and detained by the Ottawa police because of a traffic violation in a rented Porsche.  It even said that he had been fingerprinted and mugshotted (not sure that’s actually a word.) See story from KDKA-TV cuz it’s certainly not on the Ottawa Sun page anymore!

Eventually the Ottawa Police Chief confirmed with a statement and a tweet that his department had no interaction with Crosby, at which point, I’m fairly certain that the over-night news desk chump experienced horrible stomach and intestinal cramping knowing, full well, that they were about to become an unemployed news desk chump due to lack of integrity OR a highly-paid sports writer in Philadelphia!

As an aside, the worst thing about this story is that I didn’t even hear about it until I heard Bill Rehkopf and Ken Rice talking about this on the news.. BTW.. that’s the afternoon drive time news!  Was I under a rock all day? Jeeezus! I have to stop getting so engrossed in those DVR’d Today Shows about the Duggars. I can kill an entire day with those!

To close this out, the Ottawa Sun posted a note, of course, apologizing.  And the over-night news desk chump, was seen at the local Gasteroenterologist for uncontrollable intestinal discomfort. (The reported name of said G.I. physician, Dr. Lou Stool) <—– did that all by myself!

So to the over-night-I-can’t-wait-to-get-a-real-news-job-so-I’m-gonna-fast-track-myself-to-fame-on-this-story, good luck with your next job as an over-night burrito and gasoline maitre d’ at your local convenience store.  The weird thing is, everyone jokes about “If I saw it on the internet, it MUST be true.” You’ve changed the rules….”If I PUT it on the internet, it MUST be true!

Sorry that you’ll be unemployed but thanks for the blog material, Ya Jagoff!

 

Read another good article about this on the PensInitiative.com 

The winner of the 2 tickets to “The Chair” Exclusive Premiere Party tonight at 7pm is @AbbyDinges.

@AbbyDinges email us at yajagoff (at) comcast (dot) net for details.

Afterhours Golf Cart Madness

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Well, you know what it’s like, right?  You’re hanging with your buddies. A few drinks happen. Ya start to argue about the Steelers’ chances in the 2015 Super Bowl, have heated discussions about the Pens new coach and how argue how one if you’s an #@$hole because he thinks Pedro Alvarez has to go.  Before that conversation turns into a fight, you change the conversation with the words:

Ya know what we should do?

And then everything that follows is  usually as series of bad choices but, heck, what have you got to lose BECAUSE YOU’RE IN THE 11TH GRADE!!!!

But these guys, mid-20’s guys thought it was a good idea to ALLEGEDLY have a few drinks and take some golf carts for a ride at 10:30-ish at night.  At some point, they get out on the road, crash and…..the best part…. a neighborhood guy chases them down by RUNNING!!! Haaaaaaa… haaaaaa….(pee trickle)…..snort… haaaaa.

See WPXI Story from Cara Sapida (@WPXICara)

This turns out to be one of those embarrassing stories that you and your buddies make a pact that you’ll NEVER tell anyone what happened EXCEPT for the fact that……the older neighbor chased your 24-year old ARSE down and called the police and then somehow it got on the news.

Boys, since ya seem to like drinking and driving golf carts (which is what most people do despite the fact that they call it GOLFING) here’s a joke you can tell the boys during your hot-dog turn the next time you’re out.

Q: Why does a golfer where two pair of pants?

A: In case he gets a hole in one!”

What’s that you say?  That joke is childish?

To that I say, no more childish than 3 mid-20 dudes who let a few beers ALLEGEDLY convince them that joy-riding in golf carts 10:30 at night is good idea, Ya Jagoffs!

Aggressive “Drivers” Drop the Golf Gloves

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This is one of those stories where you’re not sure if it came from Florida or Fayette County.  Unfortunately, this one is from Fayette County and it has made the national news.

A 42 year old guy and a 63 year old guy were golfing at Springdale Golf Course in South Union Township on Sunday of all days… a day of peace! They started to argue about some water hazard stuff on the 5th hole and, by the 7th hole, they were going all “Mrs. Tiger Woods” on each other ALLEGEDLY.

See story on KDKA.com

So to sum it up, these guys got T’d off at each other. Now there’s a wedge between their friendship.  No word on if one said something to the other about their old bags however, they did get to a point where there was some serious clubbing going down. Now it appears as if their friendship is hitting a rough patch.

Boys…golf is supposed to be a gentleman’s game but, then again, maybe hip checks would finally add some excitement to the Sunday afternoon golf matches.  Every golfer could be allotted one hip check to use on a tee and a green during any given match. Just make sure you don’t leave your cleats on the check.  That would be a two-minute charging penalty.

Better go back to hitting through the windmills and over the waterfalls at the local putt-putt course cuz your conduct is unbecoming of a golfer… but.. it may also be PAR for Fayette County!  Thanks for embarrassing the rest of us in the national news.  We hear that John Daly wants you on his ProAM MMA golf tour, Ya Jagoffs!