News People Jagoffs

Wrong Order at Burger King? Do The Reasonable Thing, Dial 911

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So the graphic pretty much tells the story.

Woman gets wrong order at Burger King in Indiana County, PA.

Calls 911

When cops arrive, she’s a screaming, threatening idiot

Police realize she has a record out of state (are we shocked?)

Woman charged

See full story on WPXI.com

The way I see it, the most serious part of the case wasn’t reported…we don’t know what happened to the order!  Did they eventually get it right?  Who got to eat it after all of that?  Would the meal be free if I drove up there and tried to claim it saying I was Heather’s hubby?

Even more, were there really no secondary crimes from the ticked off the people stuck in line behind this craziness? (And you know how mad you get one the line doesn’t move fast enough….”What are those people doing, getting a frickin’ mortgage?”)

And what was the 911 call like?

Heather: Yes hello! I need the police right away!

Dispatcher: Okay calm down Mam. What seems to be the problem?

Heather: Well I’m at Burger King and I just placed my order for a Whopper Jr! and fries! Then when I got my order I realized they had given me a full sized Whopper!

Dispatcher: Wait….. Is this your emergency?

Heather: Well obviously! I have a figure to maintain! I can’t be eating a full sized Whopper!

Dispatcher…………………………………………………………………………………… Yeah uh the only reason the police are coming is because we’ve been talking on the phone long enough.

Heather: Thank God! Tell them I’ll be the one standing in the drive thru!

 Dispatcher: I’m sure they’ll figure it out….. 

Heather… not saying that you probably weren’t at the head of your class in Common Sense 101 but….

I mean, wanted by the police… then calling them to ask for help… WITH A FAST FOOD ORDER?  That makes as much sense as asking Colonel Sanders to see if he could come over and babysit your pet chickens!

Might I make a small suggestion?  May I suggest a T.V. dinner for your next feast?  It’s no Get Out of Jail Free card but, if ya buy it at Giant Eagle, you can get fuel points on a Giant Eagle card!  Just don’t call the cops if your corn spills into your hot lava brownie, Ya Jagoff!

Inmate Files Law Suit on Behalf of Steelers

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Only in Pittsburgh would this make news.  Well, that’s not actually true… this stupid story has made national news and, gets a spot here because it’s embarrassing to the rest of us Steelers fans.

The summary:

an inmate from a Mercer County PA jail, has filed a law suit against Roger Goodell and the NFL, asking for Temporary Emergency Injunction on the NFL Playoffs until the Kansas City/San Diego game, or simply the field goal attempt, can be replayed, thus, potentially giving the Steelers a spot in the playoffs.

Story on WPXI

Yeah….are you thinking the same obvious thing as I am on this?  “Boy, with their Catholic background, are Art and Dan Rooney gonna be ticked when they see how bad this penmanship is.

OK, that’s not REALLY what I thought when I read this and, ya already look pretty damned silly for not using a straight edge for those underlines!

If you look on the WPXI Facebook page, quite a few people thought the same thing…”WHUT??? They get to watch NFL games in jail????????????????????????

Zachary Boso Who cares… I am more pissed that inmates get to watch TV.

Well, at least, in jail, someone’s around all day to wait for the cable guy to stop by sometime between 8am-5pm if they have a problem.

But my favorite comments were:

  • Dominic Tirabassi I would have chosen a different font. <——–HYSTERICAL ALLEY OOP

                   Nick Miller like comic sans <——–NICE TIP IN

The only thing that didn’t come up on the Facebook page was, how far this guy’s tongue was probably sticking out of the side of his mouth by the time he got to the end.  Also, unfortunately ya can’t see the bottom of this to see if he got tired of keeping everything on the same line so added legs to some of the letters to make them all the same height.

Hey guy, we love your spunk and passion but….that poor penmanship is really embarrassing the SOAPWORD outta the rest of us in Steeler Nation.  Don’t ya know the old rule of writing a crazy letter… write, don’t send it, re-read it the next day, throw it away and feel better!!!!!

But here’s what WOULD have put you to the top of the heap on the internet… if you would get ol’ Roger Go-ta-hell in that jail of yours and give him a little “Scared Straight” routine!

(You get all up in Roggee’s face, spittin’ on his cheeks and stuff)

So you think you’re the #$^%$## king of the world, huh?  So you think everyone should kiss your mutha $%^#@@ NFL ring? You da big man, Right?  Mr. Tough @#$@!!# Guy!  What?  You gonna pee your pants you little @#$@#$ sissy boy? You ain’t commissioner of @#$#@ around here, you and your nice suit and hair!

Now THAT, would have made you a reality star instead of making us all look stooooooopid, Ya Jagoff!!

 

Christmas Eve BBQ Brawling Tradition

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Let’s all sing…

I saw mommy biting Santa Clause, all because of Barbecue Sauce last niiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

For those of you who are new here, one of the main purposes of this blog is to call out those Pittsburghers that are embarrassing the rest of us.  Given that this story hit Yahoo.com News after it aired on WTAE. William and Tracy seem to fit the criteria.

Seems that, on Christmas Eve, Tracy didn’t bring home BBQ sauce.  We’re not sure if she brought home “the bacon!”  (get it??)

But nonetheless, the fact that Tracy came home without BBQ sauce, really threw a wrench in to hers and Billy-boy’s plans to get to Christmas Eve Midnight Mass early so that they could get a good seat, because, well, they ALLEGEDLY got into a bit of scuffle and both were hauled off to jail for biting and fighting.

Hey… like we always say, the family that watches WWE together, stays together… with the caveat of course, one of them forgets the necessary Holiday condiments.

By the way, I felt terrible about the scowls on their mugshots above so I took the liberty of using the Jagoff-estrator to make them look a little more cheery to fit the season.

But back to the story, I was curious… BBQ Sauce on Christmas Eve?  As it turns out, the 5th, and not well known verse, of “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” as found on the hidden Bing Crosby tapes, actually says, “Please have moss, and barbecue sauce and presents ’round the tree.

Billy-boy and Stacy, the FANTASTIC news out of this is, the Food Channel and the NHL want to talk to you all about a new HBO combo series:

  • “BBQ Brisket and Brawling Misconducts”
  • “Chopped, KICKED and BITTEN!”
  • “A Throw-Down, like we Mean a REAL Throw-Down with Bobby Flay and a Guest Tag Team Partner”
  • (and my personal favorite that I think you might be best suited for) “Diners, Drive-ins and Dregs of Society”

Billy-boy and Stacy, thanks for making Pittsburgh proud (read that as you’re rolling your eyes)!  Normally, Christmas brawls are reserved for a few hours AFTER Christmas dinner, during the family poker game or political discussions with in-laws!  Its kind of how we all know when its time to go home!!!

Ya know, the sad part is, all of this clearly could have been avoided if you would have just stuck with the Christmas tradition of serving ham, Ya Jagoffs!!