News People Jagoffs

Aggressive “Drivers” Drop the Golf Gloves

YJ-AngryGolf

This is one of those stories where you’re not sure if it came from Florida or Fayette County.  Unfortunately, this one is from Fayette County and it has made the national news.

A 42 year old guy and a 63 year old guy were golfing at Springdale Golf Course in South Union Township on Sunday of all days… a day of peace! They started to argue about some water hazard stuff on the 5th hole and, by the 7th hole, they were going all “Mrs. Tiger Woods” on each other ALLEGEDLY.

See story on KDKA.com

So to sum it up, these guys got T’d off at each other. Now there’s a wedge between their friendship.  No word on if one said something to the other about their old bags however, they did get to a point where there was some serious clubbing going down. Now it appears as if their friendship is hitting a rough patch.

Boys…golf is supposed to be a gentleman’s game but, then again, maybe hip checks would finally add some excitement to the Sunday afternoon golf matches.  Every golfer could be allotted one hip check to use on a tee and a green during any given match. Just make sure you don’t leave your cleats on the check.  That would be a two-minute charging penalty.

Better go back to hitting through the windmills and over the waterfalls at the local putt-putt course cuz your conduct is unbecoming of a golfer… but.. it may also be PAR for Fayette County!  Thanks for embarrassing the rest of us in the national news.  We hear that John Daly wants you on his ProAM MMA golf tour, Ya Jagoffs!

Couple Tries Hard But No “Best in Show”

YJ-DogLeash

 

A Washington County, Pennsylvania couple did their best to NOT embarrass the rest of us from Western Pennsylvania by moving their private activities to West Virginia but…..

BJ Geardello and her doggy “best friend,” Robert Deyell, took their kinky stuff to a busy intersection of US 40 in the Triadelphia.  He was naked crawling on all fours with her in a robe walking him on a dog leash.

See KDKA-TV HERE

Ya see.. today, everyone has a camera phone and.. well….it ended up on the internet.

As it turns out, both admitted to just being into some kinky sex.  Police actually checked over Robert to see if he had been injured from crawling and from the shackles.  He was reported to be fine other than your standard Labrador Retriever hip dysplasia symptoms.

The best part of this story was how fast the West Virginians were tossing this story back across the border like a hot potato.

(Clear your throat and read this in your best stereotypical West Virginian old uncle voice) “Wazn’t one of ahrs!”

Despite BJ and Robert’s best efforts to cloak this activity in West Virginia any-thing-goes lore,  the West Virginia big-wigs were FAST to point out that these two were from Pennsylvania.

BJ and Robert… God bless ya on your desire to stay active and have some fun.  But paleeeeze, if you’re gonna do that again, could you please take it inside a Florida or West Virginia WalMart where that kind of stuff is standard practice and nobody would even THINK about taking your pictures or turning you in, Ya Jagoffs?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wrong Order at Burger King? Do The Reasonable Thing, Dial 911

YJ-BurgerKing

 

So the graphic pretty much tells the story.

Woman gets wrong order at Burger King in Indiana County, PA.

Calls 911

When cops arrive, she’s a screaming, threatening idiot

Police realize she has a record out of state (are we shocked?)

Woman charged

See full story on WPXI.com

The way I see it, the most serious part of the case wasn’t reported…we don’t know what happened to the order!  Did they eventually get it right?  Who got to eat it after all of that?  Would the meal be free if I drove up there and tried to claim it saying I was Heather’s hubby?

Even more, were there really no secondary crimes from the ticked off the people stuck in line behind this craziness? (And you know how mad you get one the line doesn’t move fast enough….”What are those people doing, getting a frickin’ mortgage?”)

And what was the 911 call like?

Heather: Yes hello! I need the police right away!

Dispatcher: Okay calm down Mam. What seems to be the problem?

Heather: Well I’m at Burger King and I just placed my order for a Whopper Jr! and fries! Then when I got my order I realized they had given me a full sized Whopper!

Dispatcher: Wait….. Is this your emergency?

Heather: Well obviously! I have a figure to maintain! I can’t be eating a full sized Whopper!

Dispatcher…………………………………………………………………………………… Yeah uh the only reason the police are coming is because we’ve been talking on the phone long enough.

Heather: Thank God! Tell them I’ll be the one standing in the drive thru!

 Dispatcher: I’m sure they’ll figure it out….. 

Heather… not saying that you probably weren’t at the head of your class in Common Sense 101 but….

I mean, wanted by the police… then calling them to ask for help… WITH A FAST FOOD ORDER?  That makes as much sense as asking Colonel Sanders to see if he could come over and babysit your pet chickens!

Might I make a small suggestion?  May I suggest a T.V. dinner for your next feast?  It’s no Get Out of Jail Free card but, if ya buy it at Giant Eagle, you can get fuel points on a Giant Eagle card!  Just don’t call the cops if your corn spills into your hot lava brownie, Ya Jagoff!