Neighbor Jagoffs

The Neighborhood HONKING Jagoff!

YJ-Honker

Got this story about one of those lazy-freaks that can’t get outta their car so they honk incessantly…

Check this out, its 9PM tonight, just put the kids down for the night and they have school tomorrow. I’m in the process of attempting to unwind when I hear urgent incessant honking from outside. Not one tap, not two, but for 15 minutes, over and over and over again.

I finally get out to the porch and there’s a cream colored Quaker State Chrysler PT Cruiser vehicle out there with someone waiting and trying to get a neighbor’s attention. Here’s what dumbfounded me, her face is lit up in the darkened car because she’s got a CELLPHONE!

She couldn’t figure out that maybe she could’ve called, or gasp, walked up to the door?!?!

She said she was ”dropping off some keys”. Jagoff was keepin’ it classy, for sure.

There are veterans that have no legs or FAKE LEGS that have more energy than you. You have a $400 phone that you can even use as a $100, 1992 text pager!!!  Get the “Soapword” outta the car and knock on a damned door, Ya Jagoff!!!

 

Thanks to Jun Z. for being the Honorary Jagoff Catcher today.  Be sure to send us your Jagoff stories to post.

It’s All Fun Until Someone Loses An ……

YJ-Tractor
80-year-old Donald Martin had a property line dispute with his neighbors in Rochester, PA (Beaver County). So he did what ANY neighbor would have done to rectify the problem…he hopped on his tractor and used it to sling large rocks and tree limbs at his neighbors!! Who needs a magistrate anyway?

Has he not heard of the phrase, “Let he who cast the first stone… be posted on Ya Jagoff.com?

At some point, the Rochester police were called and Spunky Don ends up with criminal complaints against him for doing this THREE TIMES.

According to the WPXI story, the police almost had to use a stun gun on Spunky Don. WHAT IN THEEEEEE HELL WAS IN HIS RAISIN BRAN????

Thank goodness someone had some sense and got the police involved before this ended up as something out of a Looney Tunes:

The neighbor comes out of his house with a cup of coffee, an errant rock knocks the cup out of his hand, he falls sideways, knocking a bucket of water  off of a window ledge, dumping the water on to some outside Christmas lights, thusly causing an electrical short that causes one of the street’s transformers to explode on a telephone pole, which scares ANOTHER neighbor’s cat who SCREECHES and JUMPS and freaks out Mr. Locke’s dog (if he has one), who then tries to CHASE the cat and pulls on Mr. Locke’s arm soooooo hard that his arm pulls out of its socket, thusly causing Mr. Locke to CRAP his pants from the pain which, in turn, causes Mr. Locke’s dog to CRAP in the yard just over the disputed property line and GUESS WHAT???? Mr. Locke has NO Pooper Scooper baggie with him to clean up the doo-doo and the situation finally culminates at the point that made Spunky Don sooooooo mad in the first place. (Now who HASN’T been that mad at a neighbor that doesn’t clean up after their dog?)

Ok..tht’s a lie too but its mildly more entertaining and just as immature as what REALLY happened.

Hey Spunky Don, we have one SIMPLE question for you. This has been going on since June! Do ya think you might have cut all of this nonsense off-at-the-pass by using the tractor to drive over to Mr. Locke’s house with an apple pie (even if it was store bought), giving Mr. Locke a friendly little tap on the shoulder and asked him to bring out some al a mode ice cream then sit down and chat this up, Ya Jagoff??

 

Christmas Decorations.. Early or Late?

I’ll bet we all have a neighbor that leaves their Christmas lights up just a little too long, right?  Maybe it was even you at one point.

How long  you leave your decorations up  CAN BE a social dilemma.   If you take them down the day after Christmas, you’re a grinch – a non-believer!  If ya leave them up after the end of January, you’re lazy, an embarrassment to the rest of the neighbors.

HOWEVER, if it’s late April, and there have been MORE THAN A FEW of those ‘burgh-winter sunny days since January (despite the extra long winter we had), and your holiday decorations are still up, your a …(wait, I have one more thing to say before the big finish).

Let me put it this way:

 The Hartwood Acres’ Project Bundle-up, 3.2 miles of Christmas lights – DOWN.

  The Overly’s Christmas 2.1 Million Christmas lights – DOWN

The Oglebay Resort 3-mile, 125-acre Festival of Lights – DOWN

So, Not-So-Secret-Santas, do we need to come there for a CHRISTMAS DECORATION INTERVENTION?

How about you offer a couple of  Iron City cans with Steelers or Penguins COOZIES to some of your neighbors and send them outside with some wrenches, screwdrivers, a hammer and a stepladder to take that wreath down.  For CRISSAKES your making the neighborhood look like West Virginia!  If you don’t, we’re gonna gather up some Jagoff Catchers to come over and post a sign in your front yard that says, “WE HATE THE STEELERS, SIDNEY CROSBY AND PUPPIES, ”  Ya Jagoffs!

Thanks to our Jagoff Catcher, Instagram follower @b1j_poppa for the lead!!!

 

DISCLAIMER:  Neither our Jagoff Catcher nor Ya Jagoff  Admin supports actually defacing this house.  If you do that, you’ll be a REAL JAGOFF.  

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