Drunk Jagoffs

Apr 18 2013

Just Another Day In Oakland


Ok.. let’s just keep this simple because you can CLEARLY see what is happening here.  Yes, as if Oakland traffic around the University of Pittsburgh needs another excuse for traffic jams other than the 1,021,021 buses that stop to pick up riders just as the intersection lights turn green!

Now THIS guy has to feel important and pull into an intersection on a Yellow Light and… well… who would have ever thought… the Yellow Light turned  to a Red Light on him!!!!  Whooda thunk?????  Now he’s just left sitting there…. right in the middle of, well, EVERYONE!

Hey Tahoe-Terry….. nice work!  No man is an island, BUT, when you have a complete lack of respect for traffic and traffic lights, some men become, well.. you know where we are headed with this dontcha????

FYI, Tahoe-Terry, the 39 seconds it takes to sit at an Oakland Red Light plus, maybe, another 6 seconds for the Yellow Light has got to be a better gig than the horns, dirty looks and fingers you received from the oncoming drivers.  And by the way, be sure that, when you get to your destination in Oakland, that you DON’T pull off to a parking area, make sure that you pull just to the right of the road causing even MORE traffic jams due to your complete lack of consideration for others, Ya Jagoff!!!

 

 

Don’t Forget To Order Your Own T-shirt

Click the pic below to see the store.

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Oct 3 2012

Jagoffery In Vegas DID NOT Stay in Vegas!

It has been some time since we had a “Drunk Jagoff“ to post and this one comes all the way from Las Vegas.

It seems like “Blue T-shirt Man” (which is really different than the Blue Man Group) stumbles across a couple of guys in a doorway.

Does he pass them by?  No!

Does he see them urinating in public and say, “Hey, whadda ya doing?  You could get fined for that!” NO!

What he DOES do is, he decides that HE has to break-the-seal too and waits in line for the “wall urinal” which is not really a wall urinal at all… it’s JUST A WALL!  But more than that, he stands close enough to get the first guy’s urine all over the bottom of his shoes!!!

(You should let your kids read this so that they understand the concept of NEVER putting their shoes on the kitchen table or on the furniture.)

Hey boys, the funny thing is, you guys are peeing on the side of a humongous casino in Downtown Vegas which, according to most of the brochures has 3,201 slot machines and 327 BATHROOMS on the inside!!!!   And by the way, after you get done emptying those bladders in the bathrooms INSIDE THE CASINO, the staff are more than happy to give you free drinks to refill those bladders!!!!

Sorry to say that, thanks to social media, what happens in Vegas DOESN’T stay in Vegas.  And here’s our little Urine-alysis of this situation:   You both should stop drinking… it can make you broke and stupid.

Case in point, when you’re drunk, you don’t realize that urine being pee’d on a wall banks off of that wall and runs back at ya…. all over the soles of your shoes and that’s really gonna suck when you pack those shoes next to your toothbrush in your carry-on bag to fly home, Ya Jagoffs!!!!

Get this AWESOME phone wall paper for free!

Click the pic to get to the download page.

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Mar 19 2012

St. Patrick’s Day Jagoffs!

Saturday we put a Facebook and Twitter call out for St. Patrick’s Day Jagoffs.  Our followers did not disappoint.  Above are two of the pics we received.

The top photo came all the way from Los Angeles and here’s the note that explains it:

This guys was challenging his friend to a leg wrestling match……at 715am.

7:15am, and he’s already on the floor challenging someone to leg wrestle which, sounds a lot like ANOTHER infamous drinking game, that SEEMS like good idea when you and your buddy are drunk, called, “Let’s see who can punch the hardest.“ THAT game usually ends with two best-buddies in the hospital getting stitches in their respective faces.  And if you wnt proof that this guy IS drunk this early, NOTE, he’s sitting on a bar floor that NO DOBUT has seen it’s fair share of errant natural and manufactured fluids and other substances!
Then we have a pic from outside Pittsburgh.  Here’s the note:
This man was WASTED outside of the Tilted Kilt last night at 6pm!!!!! The fire dept, EMS, and police were there with his drunk ARSE.
There ya go….. a nice, sunny day to relax on a bench but you drank soooo much that your body can support itself about as well as a rubber band standing on the Mt. Washington overlook deck in a 60mph wind gust. You’re so far drunk that the fire department and EMS had to come and babysit you while other people took your picture!!!!!  (We were nice enough to cover your face for two reasons, public drunkenness and, that fact that when you tell your wife the ambulance picked you up outside of Bettis’ Sports Bar, nobody can prove you were REALLY at the Tilted Kilt checking out scantily clad 21 year olds!)
St. Patty’s day, or is it St. Paddy’s Day????  Well, either way, it did not disappoint us for some entertainment and neither did our followers.
Hey Floor Boy, you MAY gave been wanting to leg-wrestle but let’s be more reasonable and say you were trying to do a horizontal version of River Dance!  And Bench Boy, well, it’s never a party until the Fire Department is called, right??
And to you both, what is it about St. Patty’s day that makes ya feel you’re a bottomless beer pit with a liver the size of Connecticut, Ya Jagoffs?
Thanks to these Honorary Jagoff Catchers, Bill H. of Cheap Shots Comedy Group for the L.A. hook-up and  “Julie” for the Pittsburgh pic. 
You can see some of our other Drunk Jagoff posts here.
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