Criminal Jagoffs

Apr 22 2013

Underage Drinkers Do Drive-By Carcass Toss

So not quite Pittsburgh, BUT, this story, out of Brookville, PA, has made embarrassing national headlines and, therefore, makes it to HERE!

Here are the details:

Some under aged drinkers were refused service at Bill’s Bar in Brookville.

They chose to NOT go about there merry way.

They decided to do a drive-by groundhog carcass toss.. throwing the dead rodent into the bar and then driving off.

It didn’t stop there.  Four hours later, they chose to do a SECOND drive-by carcass toss.. the second time throwing a dead grouse into the bar and then driving off.

See the WTAE story HERE.

WOW!!  Lotsa things to pull THESE guys to the front of the Jagoff pack!

1) Given the size of the Brookville metropolis, (less than 4,000), how likely was it going to be that someone recognized these guys or the truck involved?

2) They eventually did go to another bar, drank illegally, and then DROVE a couple of times to the first bar to harass them.

2) Instead of walking away with their heads down and going to get a Yoo-hoo after the bartender NOT turning them in for trying to commit a single crime, they went ahead and drank underage, drove, harassed the first bar and are being investigated by the Game Commission too!!!

Hey, when did the protocol of finding the town drunk, getting HIM to purchase your alcohol for you, trading him one of your beers as payment for his services, so that you could then go to the local playground and UNDER-AGEDLY drink, get lost?  These guys think they deserve a spot at a bar!!!

Boys, your decision making is lacking but we DO think you might have a chance at leveraging this into your very own restaurant once you’re done with your jail time or community service.  We suggest you open the “Brookville Road Kill Cafeterium.”  Your menu could include:

Entrees.

** Center Line Bovine **
Tastes Real Good, Straight From The Hood ............ $ 5.99
( with cheese, add .50 )

** The Chicken That Didn't Cross The Road **
What A Dumb Cluck ................................... $ 3.49
( includes soup and salad )

** Flat Cat **
( served as a single or in a stack )
Single Flat Cat ..................................... $ 1.99
Double Flat Cat ..................................... $ 2.79
Flat Cat Stack ...................................... $ 4.99
Flat Cat Family Pack (with kittens).................. $ 9.00

And just to stay with your Bonny and Clyde or Clyde, Clyde and Clyde, criminal theme, your slogan could be “Eating Food Is More Fun When You Know It Was Hit AND TOSSED On The Run,” Ya Jagoffs!!

Don’t Forget To Order Your Own T-shirt

Click the pic below to see the store.

By Jagoff Catcher • Criminal Jagoffs, News People Jagoffs • Comments

Feb 1 2013

They Ain’t Hunting Fresh Veggies in The Meadows

Photo Credit:wtae.com

Soooooooooooo yesterday, WTAE’s Ashlie Hardway tweeted about this story.  We’re like, “Yeah, that sounds like a great story for posting!”  The next thing ya know, KDKA-TV, Digital Content Manager, Tim Williams tweets us KDKA’s coverage of the incident and then Ashlee tweets us her WTAE Story with pics of the ladies involved.

Bottom line:

2 cafeteria ladies from Charleroi, PA  have ALLEGEDLY been skimming more than the “take-a-penny-Keep-a-penny” cup since about 2010.

The tally of their take seems to be just under $100K which is equal to about 20,123 meat loaf and mashed taters platters!

Allegedly, the gambled the money at The Meadows .

And to be perfectly clear, there is no information about whether or not, when they were gambling, if they ate at the casino’s steak house thanks to the Charleroi students OR if they ate in the the Casino’s cafeteria and tried to serve themselves!

Another detail that was NOT substantiated, is that, the ladies supposedly used to instruct the kids, when they wanted an extra scoop of mashed potatoes and gravy, to yell, “Hit ME!!”

Ya almost want to ask yourself, in this day in age, HOW IN THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HELL does this kind of thing go on since 2010?  Who was asleep at the fiscal wheel?

But no matter, the focus here is on the ladies who, each time they sold another plate of Grade D meat chili or up-sold a student from a ham-and-cheese to a full meat loaf entree platter, saw nothing but 7′s and strawberries and lemons lining up for a 9-line jackpot hit!

Well ladies, it looks like being in charge of depositing the cafeteria money with no other checks and balances was a lot like asking Colonel Sanders to babysit someone’s pet chickens!!!  But the authorities FINALLY caught up to you.  Perhaps it was the hair nets, be-jeweled with REAL DIAMONDS and RUBIES!

It appears that, when it came to stealing the kids lunch money, ya did a:

Sloppy job, slop, sloppy job.  Sloppy job, slop, sloppy job.  Sloppy job, slop, sloppy JOB!

We guess whatever HAPPENS in the cafeteria doesn’t necessarily STAY in the cafeteria.. especially the cash, Ya Jagoffs!!!!!

Click the pic to see how to order yours!!!

By Jagoff Catcher • Criminal Jagoffs, News People Jagoffs • Comments