Criminal Jagoffs

Worst Bank Robbery Disguise Ever

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Not sure what to say other than ask the question, “Was it worth it?”

Sometimes burglars get caught by doing something stupid like leaving a cell phone at the scene, using personalized stationary for the “stick-up” note, or dropping their wallet at the scene.  This guy?  Even worse.  He didn’t even have the sense to use one of those silly opera masks.

Police are looking for a man identified as Richard Thomas Jr., who robbed the First National Bank in North Huntingdon Saturday morning.

(Full Story on WPXI)

Given Mr. Thomas’ lack of any type of disguise, this crime never had a chance to be a Who-Dunnit!

Within 5 minutes, by using our Jagoffestrator and COLORFORMS skills (anyone remember Colorforms?), look how I was able to make him an unknown entity.

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Hey Robbin’ Richy, did you grow up as one of those kids that, on Halloween, only wore a hat and carried a big pillowcase for trick or treating?  I mean, for crisssakes guy, at least put on a Steelers ballcap and jacket or team jersey so that you have a chance to blend in with at least 85% of the local population on any given day, Ya Jagoff!

 

Package Stealing Jag (See Video)

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When you watch the video of this woman, it makes ya wanna call our buds at City Surveillance.

Here is the tweet that went along with the video:

this is the 2nd time this week I caught someone stealing packages off my front porch. Can you help?

Why of course we can.  We’re posting this just to see if anyone might be able to identify this Jag.

Watch the video below (it’s real).

Lady, I hope that when you get caught, you don’t go to jail.  I hope that the package you stole was a rolling pin and, when you get caught,  the true owners of the package get to take their turns banging your knees, elbows and ankles with the rolling pin for an amount of time equal to the time that the rightful owner spent looking for their package that never seemed to arrive.  And then, before you are taken to get X-rays, you actually have to work an entire day as a package delivery person in your bruised conditions, to see how hard someone actually works to make their OWN living so that they can enjoy life and BUY their own things vs. stealing someone else’s Ya Jagoff!

NOTE: And just in case you didn’t realize, YES, “Law Abiding Citizen” with Gerard Butler IS one of my favorite movies.

 

PNC Park Streaker Says He Did it for His “Wild God!”

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This guy interrupted the pierogi race.  He agrees it was a bad thing but now he says he has a wild god, he wants to sell a song he wrote, he wants to play hoops with Cutch… and…. he wants to auction off the shoes he wore for the incident to raise money for his fine!  Oh.. and he wants to start a professional basketball team in Pittburgh!!

 You have to watch the WPXI video below.  Click THIS LINK for the full story.

 

Good stuff Luke Emory Oyler!  Love the glasses.  By the way, do they actually have lenses in them???  Either way, keep pushing the edge of the envelope with that I’m a crazy son-of-a-@#! story… it kind of worked for Corporal Klinger on the show MASH.  And good luck with that basketball game with Cutch.  God knows (well at least my more reserved God does) Cutch needs more solid people like you in his life.  And what better way to show you have your life pulled together than this video, Ya Jagoff!!

 

Thanks so much to WPXI’s LisaS Sylvester for getting this on video.