Criminal Jagoffs

PNC Park Streaker Says He Did it for His “Wild God!”

YJ-Streaker

This guy interrupted the pierogi race.  He agrees it was a bad thing but now he says he has a wild god, he wants to sell a song he wrote, he wants to play hoops with Cutch… and…. he wants to auction off the shoes he wore for the incident to raise money for his fine!  Oh.. and he wants to start a professional basketball team in Pittburgh!!

 You have to watch the WPXI video below.  Click THIS LINK for the full story.

 

Good stuff Luke Emory Oyler!  Love the glasses.  By the way, do they actually have lenses in them???  Either way, keep pushing the edge of the envelope with that I’m a crazy son-of-a-@#! story… it kind of worked for Corporal Klinger on the show MASH.  And good luck with that basketball game with Cutch.  God knows (well at least my more reserved God does) Cutch needs more solid people like you in his life.  And what better way to show you have your life pulled together than this video, Ya Jagoff!!

 

Thanks so much to WPXI’s LisaS Sylvester for getting this on video.

Wrong Order at Burger King? Do The Reasonable Thing, Dial 911

YJ-BurgerKing

 

So the graphic pretty much tells the story.

Woman gets wrong order at Burger King in Indiana County, PA.

Calls 911

When cops arrive, she’s a screaming, threatening idiot

Police realize she has a record out of state (are we shocked?)

Woman charged

See full story on WPXI.com

The way I see it, the most serious part of the case wasn’t reported…we don’t know what happened to the order!  Did they eventually get it right?  Who got to eat it after all of that?  Would the meal be free if I drove up there and tried to claim it saying I was Heather’s hubby?

Even more, were there really no secondary crimes from the ticked off the people stuck in line behind this craziness? (And you know how mad you get one the line doesn’t move fast enough….”What are those people doing, getting a frickin’ mortgage?”)

And what was the 911 call like?

Heather: Yes hello! I need the police right away!

Dispatcher: Okay calm down Mam. What seems to be the problem?

Heather: Well I’m at Burger King and I just placed my order for a Whopper Jr! and fries! Then when I got my order I realized they had given me a full sized Whopper!

Dispatcher: Wait….. Is this your emergency?

Heather: Well obviously! I have a figure to maintain! I can’t be eating a full sized Whopper!

Dispatcher…………………………………………………………………………………… Yeah uh the only reason the police are coming is because we’ve been talking on the phone long enough.

Heather: Thank God! Tell them I’ll be the one standing in the drive thru!

 Dispatcher: I’m sure they’ll figure it out….. 

Heather… not saying that you probably weren’t at the head of your class in Common Sense 101 but….

I mean, wanted by the police… then calling them to ask for help… WITH A FAST FOOD ORDER?  That makes as much sense as asking Colonel Sanders to see if he could come over and babysit your pet chickens!

Might I make a small suggestion?  May I suggest a T.V. dinner for your next feast?  It’s no Get Out of Jail Free card but, if ya buy it at Giant Eagle, you can get fuel points on a Giant Eagle card!  Just don’t call the cops if your corn spills into your hot lava brownie, Ya Jagoff!

And You Thought the SMELL of McDonald’s Was Addicting

YJ-Heroin

 

Yeah… that smell that McDonald’s pumps out of their restaurants, addicting…(wish this blog was scratch n sniff) but not quite as addicting as what Shantia Marie Dennis was allegedly passing out at an East End Pittsburgh Micky D’s.

“The way that the deals would happen is that the customer looking for heroin was instructed to go through the drive-thru and say, ‘I’d like to order a toy,’ ” wrote Mike Manko, a spokesman for the district attorney’s office, in an email. “The customer would then be told to proceed to the first window where they would be handed a Happy Meal box containing heroin.”

Read more in the PG

Jeeeeezus…. I know how crazy impatient I get when the drive through line doesn’t move fast enough waiting for that @#$@#$ minivan that ordered a happy meal for every stick figure posted on the back of their van!  I can’t even imagine the gas-revving, honking, huffing, sighing, looking-around, what-the-hell-is-going-on-up-there-neck-stretches that a heroin would be doing.

Hey Shantia Claus…nice move.. Pittsburgh is famous on the internet thanks to you and your special gifts!

I think I see a Heroin Happy Meal diet book deal coming, call it “The Junk Food Diet” (haaa get it?  The JUNK!) how to eat 47 Big Macs and fries every day and LOSE weight.  Looks like you’re gonna have lots of time to write, Ya Jagoff!!!