Baseball Jagoffs

May 17 2012

Take Me Out “OF” The Ball Game!

Yep, the words are changed….

Take me out OF the ball game.  Take me out OF the crowd!

Buy me some ciggies, AT LEAST, two packs.  I don’t care if I EVER go back!

So let’s Fight, Fight Fight ’til we’re arrested.  If we don’t win it’s a shame.  For it’s 1, 2, 3 fights and you’re out of the ol’ ball game!

This is another one of those “family stories” that makes ya just want to cry with emotion— an emotion called EMBARRASSMENT!

So father and daughter are enjoying a night together at PNC Park watching the Buccos go for 3 in a row. She ALLEGEDLY decides to have a smoke in her seat which, of course, is a big no-no.

When security tried to escort the daughter to the office for refusing to stop smoking, she got a little cranky.  Her, her Jag-of-a-boyfriend and her Dad-of-the-Year father ALLEGEDLY start WWE’ing the security guard.

The thing became sort of a “Texas Cage Match” as the security guard got pushed up against a fence and had his middle finger got ripped off. (Fortunately it was re-attached cuz we think he’s gonna want it once he faces the dad and daughter at the trial.)

Finally authorities get this honey-bunny in handcuffs, get her to the holding cell at the ballpark and she ALLEGELDY proceeds to spit on and kick the police.

Note to self: If you’re wrong, just admit it and and say you’re sorry.  In this case, if the security person at PNC Park says you gotta go then, guess what?  That doesn’t mean jump on his back!

BTW, there’s no truth to the rumor that these folks had purchased the new “Frank Coonelly All-You-Can-Drink-and-Drive” ticket.

Hey you ball-park-frank-cranks, FYI, the only time we EVER want to see smoke from our PNC Park seats is if they’re from the fireworks after a home-run or the fireworks that are set off to give the has-been-rock-band members a chance to breath and pee in between their sets during SKYBLAST concerts!!

What this appears to us is, we have Jagoffery passed along from father to daughter. Uh-oh! SOMEONE NOTIFY UPMC GENETICS!!!!  We may have found a control group to isolate the Jagoff gene!!!

So George family, we want to offer you a movie contract, “Christmas With the Ball Park Frank Cranks!“  In the meantime, how about, if you decide to take in another baseball game, please move to Philly.  You’re style fits right in there, Ya Jagoffs!

See our post from the guy LAST YEAR that caused a mess at PNC Park here.

NOTE:  Just for some fun, we used our Draw Something talents on Rachel and her dad!  We wanted you to see what they looked like as actual baseball fans!

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By Jagoff Catcher • Baseball Jagoffs, News People Jagoffs • 8 • Tags: , , ,

Feb 27 2012

Ain’t Just Pitchers’ Elbows On Ice at the Bucco’s House!

Typically, you will never see us making fun of drinking and driving. We have personally witnessed the tradgey brought on by it. What we WILL take a shot (no pun intended) at are those pompous individuals who are able to get DUI’s and not have to address them until the secret gets out 2 months later.

Enter, the Pittsburgh Pirates president Frank Coonelly who apparently was charged with four counts related to drunken driving in Ross, the Tribune-Review has learned. (enitre story from WPXI)

Ross Township police arrested Coonelly, 51, of Sewickley on Dec. 22 and charged him with drunken driving, driving the wrong way, careless driving and driving with a blood-alcohol content of at least .16, according to court records.

Well, well… thank goodness there were enough of those feel-good, “Let’s get to know Clint Hurdle” news pieces offered up during the off season to keep our attention away from THIS kind of stuff. Yes, Frankie-boy, your well crafted, and SURELY heartfelt apology media statement sounds pretty good. Your video apology on WPXI even more heartfelt (despite the fact you kept your shades on).

But, we gotta tell ya, glad that your family and boss forgive you. Because, if some PNC Park Usher had the same incident, we’re pretty sure they would NOT have had the chance to keep their job. The other reason we’ll take a shot at ya is, UNLIKE some of your players, you make enough money to hire professional drivers to keep you from getting into such situations.

And going the wrong way? How lucky was someone else not to have been driving that night?

Here’s ANOTHER thing that we’re pretty sure of….. MOST LIKELY you didn’t have those drinks at the Stroll Inn in Kennedy Township. (If you’re new to this blog, click here to see how Frank and the Stroll Inn made national news last year.)

Frankie-baby, we know you have a quick temper and, we just hope that, from now on, when you’re mentioned in the news about wanting a new “PITCHER” you don’t get snippy if we respond by asking, “Budweiser or Iron City” Ya Jagoff!!!!

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE BEHIND THE SCENES VIDEO OF THE GUESTING ON Q92.9 MORNING SHOW

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Jul 28 2011

Jerry “The Jagoff” Meals – Blown Call

If you are not aware of this story and you are from Pittsburgh (past/current) you just might be a Jagoff!  How far back do you have to go to see the Pittsburgh Pirates making top headlines on the same day that Steelers Training Camp is announced, let alone, on the same day that U2 ends their 2-year concert tour in Pittsburgh?

The short of it, the Pittsburgh Pirates fell from a tie for first place to third place on one HORRIFIC baseball call by home plate umpire Jerry Meals Tuesday night.  He called Atlanta Braves baserunner, Julio Lugo, safe after he was CLEARY tagged out sliding 5-feet from homeplate around 2:18am after 19 innings and 6 hours of baseball.  Most of the video has been removed from the internet via the MLB but click here and you should be able to see it if you haven’t yet.

Let’s all sing, (like Franki Valli), “Jeeeeerrreeeee.  Jerry-babee.  Jeeeeerrreeeee.  Jerry-babee.  Jeeeeerrreeeee.  Lugo—WAS out tonight!”

Jerry Meals stated after the game that it looked like Pirates’ Catcher, Mike McKenry “ole’d” the runner like a bull fighter.  Sounds more like a reference to BULL%&*! than bull fighting.

OK, Jerry Real-deal-Happy-Meal-Seal-a-Meal-Oatmeal-Cormeal-Piecemeal-Fishmeal, it’s been a loooong time since we have seen thousands of  Pittsburgh Pirates fans, at the end of July, wanting to string up anyone other than someone from the Pirates front office?   But we’re all lookin’ forward to when you come to town in August for the series with the Cinci Reds!

Was gonna do some kind of lame joke about umpires, seeing and new glasses but that’s about as lame as saying “ole.”  So, when you come to town in August, we’re gonna present you with a car’s REVIEW MIRROR to help you with your job.  Why?  Because “objects in mirror are closer than they appear” and THAT might help with that umpiring stuff, Ya JAGOFF!!

 As a matter of fact, how long has it been since we simply saw thousands of Pittsburgh Pirates fans at this point in the season?  Totally awesome. GO BUCS!

We had many send us notes reqeusting a Jerry Meals Jagoff post.  Thanks to Facebook Follower “ARNOLD SLICK” and Twitter follower were first Drmlebo471 for being the FIRST Honorary Jagoff Catchers for this.

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Jul 21 2011

The Buccos Are Winning!!!!!

Hey Johnny-boy, have ya seen us lately???

Oh, and another thing, we can actually understand Clint Hurdle in his post game interviews, Ya Jagoff!

This was an extra post on a Thursday cuz we are proud “bandwagon jumpers” when it comes to the Buccos!

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By admin • Baseball Jagoffs • 0 • Tags: , ,

Jul 15 2011

I Love “Nutting????”

Ok.. get ready, this is about as “BLUE” as this blog is gonna get!  Feel free to post a comment on your thoughts.

The photograph above appeared in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette this past week.  The guy is showing support for the Pittsburgh Pirates owner Bob Nutting.   However, Gary H. (Facebook Follower) seemed to have another take.  He thinks it’s a little too early to be loving Bob Nutting and therefore the guy is advertising something else.

I “googled” a definition for the word “nutting” and sure enough, Gary H was RIGHT!  Some definitions say that “nutting” is the act of gathering nuts.  So, you COULD say, the guy above is VERY excited about gathering nuts at the baseball game.

Three lines down on the Google search, the Urban Dictionary defines “nutting” as what occurs to the male species at the height of sexual pleasure. NOW I understand why the guy is sooooo excited to hold a sign up! I mean, it COULDN’T be the Pirate owner, RIGHT?

So to Mr. Super Excited, we’re not sure what your doing here but you don’t have to advertise this in front of the mixed audience of PNC Park.  And as far as “I love nutting,” no need to be a show-off  because what guy DOESN’T, Ya Jagoff!

 

Thanks again to Gary H for being the Honorary Jagoff Catcher.  If this is too distateful, we’ll blame him!!!

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