For soooo many years there have been jokes about “Little Johnny.” Like this one:
A Preschool Sunday School teacher was concerned that her students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas Season emphasis on His birth. She wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc.
So she asked her class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”
Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!”
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, she gathered her wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, “Well…every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!”
Why the name Johnny? I mean, I went to first grade with a kid named Leon that pooped his pants every week. Why aren’t there Little Leon jokes??
I feel like I might have to take a stand here for all people named John. Envision a quick-edit video clip jammed with a bunch of sound bites from celebrities and politicians talking about the trouble they are in. The sound of the clip goes like this, “I will be vindicated, “I have no question, that once all of the facts come out, I will be vindicated.” “These charges are ridiculous, I have NO DOUBT that I will be vindicated.” You get the point. No matter how guilty these people are, they somehow muster up the ability to shamelessly say, with a straighter face than a Sunday morning TV millionaire evangelist, that they WILL be vindicated.
As a former Little Johnny who is now all grown up, I have spent my life listening to stories about “Little Johnny.” If you’ve listened to all of the stories and read the web posts to this point, you may wonder how I’m not in a cell or Charlie Sheen-level rehab. You may have heard, I have an extremely smart mouth, that my teachers were ALWAYS in fear of me dropping a swear word in class, that I got kicked out of school AT LEAST a dozen times, left school early by answering a fake question and even kidnapped a statue of the Virgin Mary just to get a new bicycle.
Personally, I am not I big cliché guy but.. to all of the people name John, I will answer the bell, step up to the plate, leave no stone un-turned, put all the cards on the table, open the kimono, and, without a doubt, because the best defense is a good offense, I assure you that JOHNNY(s) WILL BE VINDICATED!!
Now the rest of you go pick on some kids named Billy, Bobby, Michael or Shane, Ya Jagoffs!
