Aug 7 2012
As we have admitted in previous blogs, we are total bandwagon jumpers when it comes to the Pirates. But, just like ex-smokers, bandwagon jumpers can yell the loudest when your Jagoffery affects our team.
Last weekend the Pirates played the Cincinnatti Reds, 3 games.
Game 1: Bucs lose. Reds Pitcher smacks Andrew McCutchen with a 101mph fastball in the 9th inning. Nothing said.
Game 2: Reds Pitcher hits the Pirates’ Josh Harrison with a pitch. MLB Umpire Brian Gorman scolds both teams about beaning batters. Clint Hurtle says, “What in theeeeeeee #$%@# did WE do?” and, like your little brother used to say when your mom yelled, “I didn’t do nuffin!” Gorman throws out the Pirate Skipper.
Game 3: Pirates win but, when the game was close, ol’ Brian Gorman calls Pirates’ base runner, Starling Marte out at third base DESPITE the fact that the third basemen’s glove clearly missed tagging Marte on multiple replays.
This jagoffery prompted one of our regular followers to write this on our Facebook page:
I wish to nominate umpire Brian Gorman as a Super Jagoff. A recent graduate of the Jerry Meals school of umpiring. A horrible call at 3rd base yesterday. Not to mention giving the Pirates a warning for doing nothing other than getting thrown at twice. What a JAGOFF!!!
Johnny, this post is your wish!!!!!
And to Brian Ump-the-Chumb Gorman, thanks a lot for nothing. Sure, we’re “homers” but even hockey-heads like us can tell you’re having problems seeing things in a neutral manner. Our suggestion is, the next time you’re in town, let’s get ya a comp trip to our friends at 3 Guys Optical. Sure, this translates to almost every umpire cliche ever heard but we just really want to be helpful.
Now, sometimes you seem to be a little incoherent/confused so do NOT get 3 Guys Optical confused with 5 Guys Burgers. The only glasses at 5 Guys Burgers are drinking glasses and, well, quite frankly, they won’t look very stylish if you put them on over your eyes!!!
But here’s the great news, we think you can actually get your glasses for FREE at 3 Guys Optical. Well, at least you can ATTEMPT to do so… like, when they start sending you an invoice for your glasses, you can simply return the invoice to them and write on it, “I thought the glasses were free…or did I MISS THE TAG?”
Yeah, you missed the tag! Looks like you’re destined to be a bronze bust and a Hall of Famer at the “Jerry Meals School of Remedial Umpiring” Ya Jagoff!!!!!!!!
Thanks to Facebook Follower (and long time follower) John Rogers for being the
Honorary Jagoff Catcher today!