May 3 2012
If you’re a peanut butter eater, you will get this. If you are NOT a peanut butter eater, you WON’T get this so hit SHARE, move along and get ready for tomorow’s Quotes On The Bus post because we MUST get this post off of our chest.
As a peanut butter eater, who is coming to the end of the peanut butter in the jar, two things happen:
1) As you scrape your knife around the bottom inside edges of the jar, most of the peanut butter forms a little mountain of peanut butter in the CENTER of the bottom. Thusly making it close to impossible to get it out. You have to smash the little mountain against the side to get some on your knife, then you go back in and scrape and make ANOTHER mountain.
2) This one’s the big one, as you are scraping the bottom of ANY peanut butter jar, you end up with your knuckles covered in peanut butter from trying to work the knife down in.
TRUE STORY: Heinz came out with the upside down ketchup bottle. How? Why? Because when their researchers paid average families to let them take pictures of ketchup in their refrigerators, they found that an overwhelming number of people had the bottle stored upside down on the door shelf. VOILA!!! Innovation!!!!
In the meantime, for the last 1,982 years, every time the peanut butter gets low in the jar, getting the last of the peanut butter out it becomes this horrible hand-mess. When is the last time anyone changed ANYTHING about peanut butter other that making it HORRIBLE by trying to make it Low Sodium???????? If some researcher photographed US making a fluffer-nutter sandwich some morning, they would hand over a napkin and say, “You’re sloppy..you have STUFF all over your hand, ya Jagoff!” We would turn to them and say, “”It’s been this way since William Pitt was first called a Jagoff!”
This may sound piddly but, we can put a man on the moon, hang people from a 70-story building to put humongous U.P.M.C letters on it, have smart stoplights that know what time of day it is, make virtual 1st-down lines on a TV football game, we have the CMU GigaPan Camera, upside down ketchup, liquid soap containers AND soap containers that make foam, plastic coffee containers that turns out are the same containers for house paint but….. the peanut butter jar hasn’t changed since it moved from glass to plastic? Hell, even BUTTER moved to a big ol’ tub!!!!!
Hey Jiff, Skippy, Peter Pan, Smuckers and the rest of you, it might be time to re-think this peanut butter container thing. We’re tired of PBK’s (Peanut Butter Knuckles). Sure, the back of our hands look nice and young from all of the oil that has soaked into them every morning over the years. But we’d REALLY like to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar without feeling like the banana on an Elvis Presley sandwich, Ya Jagoffs!
Make sure you order your very own “Don’t Be A Jagoff” T-shirt.
Proceeds go to Magee Women’s Research Foundation for Ovarian and Breast Cancer.
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