Nov 2 2011
We always say that this blog is a therapeutic outlet – express your anger here and you will sleep better at night AND it could keep you from being fired for telling your co-worker what you really think of their lunch room eating habits.
I love Halloween but I’ve been carrying the emotional scars, for years, caused by an older lady in the neighborhood we grew up in. And, like yesterday’s post, this is a MORE ACCEPTABLE post for Halloween than posting about the parents, who let their kids trick-or-treat sooooooooooooooooo long, in the rain, last night, that they had to dump their 4-year old’s treat back into a go cart 6 times!!!!
It’s also easier than posting about those kid’s one-size-fits-all costumes that come with those stupid plastic masks. As a kid, you pulled the costume on over your legs, up over your coat and tied a string behind your neck to hold it on. The legs of the costume were WAY too long so my mother rolled them up at the ankles (cuz that’s what Batman REALLY looks like, right?) Every time my heels caught on the leg cuff, I’d CHOKE myself!
So back to getting some Halloween emotional scars off of my chest: I swear that this older lady in our neighborhood was Roger Goodell’s mother. She just LOVED to torture people, ESPECIALLY kids, without reason.
She would give out Huggies juice barrels and cans of soda as Halloween treats. Do you know how HEAVY those things get at about your 50th house? Actually, I think she even high-dropped those cans into our bags from the top of an 8-foot ladder to increase the impact. (I couldn’t really tell since I couldn’t see through my one-size-fits-all mask.)
So this goes out to the neighbor lady: not sure where you got those ANVIL-WEIGHTED-DRINKS, Mrs. Whomever-You-Were, but punishing us by waiting down our candy bags was evil, ALMOST Goodell-ian, Ya Jagoff!
Don’t forget to go buy your very own “Don’t Be a Jagoff!” T-shirt here!